PumpkinSpice Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I need help guys. My boyfriend is a graduate student of computer engineering and he has this school colleague of his who I think likes him. He swears up and down that he thinks I am just overreacting but as a girl who is in tune with how other girls think, I feel like she may want him. Here are the details: -One time when they were studying together she mentioned to him, "You know, you're the only guy here that hasn't hit on me. I like that." Of course, during this scenario I wasn't there. -There was another time that I went to visit my boyfriend at the computer lab where they were studying together. We had never met before. When I got there, she looked at me with a scared/unpleasantly surprised look and told my boyfriend, "I'm gonna go. I'll see you later." I just found it weird that the moment I got there she left... AND didn't even introduce herself. -She likes almost every facebook post my boyfriend posts his timeline. A picture of him? She 'likes' it. A dumb status? She 'likes' it. A pic of his food? She 'likes' it. She never comments, but she likes. -One day when they were studying together she complained about the guy she was dating to him. She mentioned that he said he called her fat. She asked what my boyfriend thought. To me, this is a red flag because I as a girl only ask for opinions from guys about my body if I want their ATTENTION on my body. Secondly, usually girls who complain to other guys about their boyfriends are trying to bait the guys they are complaining to. -She texts him. I have no idea how much, but she does.. enough for me to feel uncomfortable. -This one is the SUPER red flag in my opinion. She texted him saying "Your girlfriend has a great body. I wish I had a body like that." First of all, we only (kinda) met that one time, and I'm not on her facebook. How hard was she staring me down? Second, why was she bringing his girlfriend up like that? What response was she looking for from him? Third, it makes me feel like she wants my body because she secretly wants him. Again, I may be overreacting and taking things wayy out of context. If you think I am, please let me know. I have expressed my dislike for this girl to him several times and he still keeps her around as a friend because he refuses to believe that she's into him. He recently gave her resume to his boss to help her get a job with his company, EVEN THOUGH I have told him that it would be my nightmare for him to work with her at the same job. He'd be with her all the time instead of me.. which bugs me because I feel like she WANTS him. Am I reading her actions wrong? Based on what you read do you think she wants my boyfriend?
No Limit Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Who cares what she wants? She can't make your boyfriend be with her unless it's with his consent. 3
Author PumpkinSpice Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Who cares what she wants? She can't make your boyfriend be with her unless it's with his consent. You're totally right about that.. but to be honest I just want to know. He's giving me **** about it and I just want to know if her actions are consistent with her wanting him.
Pancake Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I know its really hard to believe but do you think it could be possible that she is looking for a guy friend? thats would perfectly explains why she enjoys him not hitting on her. That would also explain why she would talk to him about her ex: She could just really want to know what a guy thinks of such behavior. Also the thing about your great body. She could be saying that because she generally believes that you have a great body. And come on, we both know that it takes seconds to see if someone looks great. Another possibility is that she said that, because she knows your boyfriend would tell you and that you might like her for it. I love people complementing me and I love complementing them. Im suggesting these things because I am one of those girls who like to be friends with guys and ask them for their opinion if they're genuine. And I believe that it's possible to stay 'just friends'. But I can't 100% assure you that she has nothing else in mind but friendship. You could however do yourself and your relationship a favor by trusting in your boyfriend. Would he stay friends with her if he believed she was hitting on him? In your situation (and believe me I've been there) I would try to chill out. Try making friends with her. Just be above this situation and don't let it get the best of you. One thing that has made me incredibly calm is this believe: If its meant to be, then the relationship will last forever. If it isn't meant to be (e.g. he cheats), then be grateful that its over because you were just wasting your time. Stay positive 1
Giggle Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Yup. Does it matter? You trust him or you don't. Just cause she wants him doesn't mean that it means anything to him. chill. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I do think she has a crush on him. But in the end, so what? It's not like you can change how she feels. All you can do is trust your BF and be confident in how he feels about you. Look at it this way. If he's attractive enough for you want to him, you have to realize that other women will find him attractive too. Just like I'm sure guys check you out. In the end though, you can't let that effect the relationship you two have. My advice? Act like you could care less and be confident like you have no competition. 3
h0000 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I don't think you are over reacting. This girl needs boundries. Your BF is either genuinely naive(stupid) or secretly enjoys her attention (at least) 1
Gloria25 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 He knows what she wants...but he's keeping her around cuz he probably enjoys the attention, is flattered and/or is ambivalent about whether or not he's gonna do her. Not sure if he'll cross the line, but it may happen if he doesn't stop it.
reeseyummy Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Be confident and trust him. My recent bf and I met on Tinder, and I found out he's been messaging other girls, or other girls has been messaging other girls when we were dating. At first it bugged me, but then I read the messages the girls he was talking to are DUMB. I have confidence that I have way more brain and personality than the dumb chicks he's messaging with. And if he wants a real gf not just a fling, he will see this too. When I asked if he was talking to other girls, he admitted and was honest about it. That was actually the only thing I was looking for- Honesty. At long as he is honest about it, I can trust him.
Versacehottie Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I agree with ff. Best way to deflect competition is act like it's no competition AT ALL. BTW, since at least of half of the information you are getting that is provoking this jealousy is coming from him, you realize that he has probably realized it gets under your skin and is trying to seek more attention from you, right? If he was going to cheat, usually the little stories of what she said/did would stop. Right now he's telling you so that you will value him more. Sometimes people even do this unconsciously. I do think you are right that she is probably either genuinely interested or has a crush on him. Act like it's nothing. Across the board the worst thing you can do is act insecure. He's yours now and you cherish and manage that relationship like it's the best and he's lucky to have you and vice versa is your best chance IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. If you act insecure, controlling and overly snoop, it won't change what he will do or won't do--actually it will just usually justify cheating or push him away. If he is disrespectful, as always with partners, don't let him do that. I don't see that here though. I would figure out a way not to let the texting continue. That's semi-disrespectful. I kind of think, if bf (or gf) was friends with someone before we started dating, then it's fine to keep the friendship. It's kind of a red flag to start a new friendship with someone of opposite sex (who also has crush on him) where the friendship is involves time that is not work related. Others may want to weigh in on this and how to handle. I'm pretty open-minded about most stuff but this would not be ok with me. I just know from history of real people in my life, that's how you want the line drawn. The point is with friends prior to you, your guy already had an opportunity to date them and passed it up looking for someone better & found you. With new "friendships", where it does not seem like that's her intention anyway, things can get skewed. Also the comment about your body was telling. Single white female sh*t. She wants what you have! Some women admire other women in exactly this way and go about it by stealing your man, thinking it bestows your great attributes on them. Have seen it WAY too many times!! One of my besties from hs, took up with every ex-bf (and a few in the grey area!!) that I had. She copied how I dressed and all that stuff. But like I said you can't show that you are threatened by her to your bf. Good luck.
xcupid Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 She's trying to get him interested in her. Your BF is into you, not her. But if you start giving him a bad time about her he's going to start noticing her more. Concentrate on strengthening your relationship with him, not giving him a bad time about her.
Recommended Posts