HereNorThere Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 People want what they can't have, so yeah, it's going to be attractive when you reject her. However, rarely do you get a chick with a warning label on it. Don't be her ego feeding, jump-off, soft landing. Don't listen to thirsty old people full of regret for not sifting through more people when they were young. We tend to romanticize the past and forget about the real consequences of our actions. Sex has the potential to make babies, to give you scary diseases, etc. so you should always choose wisely. When you go out slumming, it looks bad on all of us men. Maintain your value, standards and boundaries. As you can already tell, being a man of integrity is more attractive anyway. It's quality not quantity, man. 2
Versacehottie Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 People want what they can't have, so yeah, it's going to be attractive when you reject her. However, rarely do you get a chick with a warning label on it. Don't be her ego feeding, jump-off, soft landing. Don't listen to thirsty old people full of regret for not sifting through more people when they were young. We tend to romanticize the past and forget about the real consequences of our actions. Sex has the potential to make babies, to give you scary diseases, etc. so you should always choose wisely. When you go out slumming, it looks bad on all of us men. Maintain your value, standards and boundaries. As you can already tell, being a man of integrity is more attractive anyway. It's quality not quantity, man. Yeah, oldshirt has a point but I think you learn more about yourself and who you want to be by figuring out who that is and living by it. If OP wants to be confused about girls, this chick is a good way to start. I also think that rexxy is getting slightly fooled that this girl is some sort of ego boost for him--well she won't be.There's so much bad to come for toxic people when like I said there are pretty girls everywhere. I think at 21 how much cooler is it to go find who and which group you want to hang with as an expression of yourself. Plenty of hot girls to experiment with there as he's figuring out what he wants and has fun. Point is when you really get down to it: this chick is not going to be a fun or worthwhile experience. Pass. Not saying rexxy needs to start looking for the "one". But hooking up with needy, desperate ho's is really not fulfilling either. If he gets played (likely scenario) by this one, the hit to his esteem could be worse because she has already told him 20 different ways that she is no good. Not a good investment as gf, as a friend or FWB. Part of feeling good about yourself at any age is listening to what's going to really make you feel good. There are plenty of girls to hookup with and figure out what's up from a positive and fun way (he did it the other night!). ps usually girls who lead with and deal the sex card as if it's their only one like she does aren't usually that good at it. All talk, action is no good at it.
oldshirt Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 1. Sex has the potential to make babies, to give you scary diseases, etc. so you should always choose wisely. 2. Maintain your value, standards and boundaries. 3. It's quality not quantity, man. 1. Agreed. One must still always be responsible. While I am advocating taking some chances and accepting a certain level of risk. I am not advocating being reckless and irresponsible. 2. I concur with this as well. You do need to live within your own boundaries and values and standards. If you simply cannot bring yourself to go down this path with a girl who has a supposed BF, that is a perfectly valid standard. You have voiced your assertion that she should call you when she is single and that is a perfectly valid point and a good standard to make. Just realize that carries a certain risk as well and is going to severely limit your options as not many desirable young ladies are going to be completely single and free at any given time. The guys that get the most attractive women are the ones that take the bull by the horns, take the risks and make things happen. The ones that sit around waiting for the pretty girls to be completely clear, spend their days waiting while the guys willing to get scuffed up are the ones playing the game. You can date the available fat chicks while waiting for that 1 in 100 hot chick to come available right in front of your face if you want. That's your prerogative. 3. In concept I agree with this as well. However in order to get quality, one must become competent, and like all things in life to get competent, one must obtain the experience and wisdom and streetsmarts necessary to achieve it. And to do that, there has to be a certain amount of quantity to get there. We all love the romantic notion of the two naïve, innocent young virgins who's eyes meet for the first time and the sun breaks through the clouds and we all hear angels singing. I am sure there are some of those people out there....I just haven't ever met any of them. Every one else has had to have a certain level of experience and life experiences to be able to navigate through the relationship minefield to come out on the other side in one piece. It still all boils down to either go out onto the field to play the game and risk getting a little dirty and scuffed up. Or sit on the bleachers as a spectator and watch other people play. You have to get your hands a little dirty in order to get the experience. and just like in the employment world, the ones with the experience that are already doing the job, get the better opportunities than the ones coming up through the ranks that just hope to some day. 1
HereNorThere Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Don't get me wrong, I probably remember the girls I didnt get more than the ones I did. I'm not above it and totally understand where Old Shirt is coming from. However, my good senses I've saved me from several emotional black holes that could have wrecked my life. If the bottle says poison, just believe it. There's no reason to drink it first and see what happens. 2
oldshirt Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I guess I am not seeing this gal as "poison" or anything too out of the ordinary. This is what 90% of 20 year old girls do at some point. Even the adult women on this board that are going to come on here and say that they don't date someone until they have cleanly broken up with their previous suitor, actually have at some point; even if they disavow the practice now. It's basically something all chicks do or have done at some point. This gal is being painted as some kind of problem child or bad guy when in reality she is probably no worse and no better than any other woman that's walked the earth.
Versacehottie Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I guess I am not seeing this gal as "poison" or anything too out of the ordinary. This is what 90% of 20 year old girls do at some point. Even the adult women on this board that are going to come on here and say that they don't date someone until they have cleanly broken up with their previous suitor, actually have at some point; even if they disavow the practice now. It's basically something all chicks do or have done at some point. This gal is being painted as some kind of problem child or bad guy when in reality she is probably no worse and no better than any other woman that's walked the earth. Actually I find her desperation and game playing more of a problem than the bf. Although she obviously has no plans to leave the bf. Her desperation for an ego boost is a joke. Not hot. Truly hot girls don't need to do that.
oldshirt Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Actually I find her desperation and game playing more of a problem than the bf. Although she obviously has no plans to leave the bf. Her desperation for an ego boost is a joke. Not hot. Truly hot girls don't need to do that. She's past the fishing stage since he has already taken her bait in flirting and bantering and spending time with her. Now she's grooming him to be a suitor. This really isn't about the BF at all. If she wanted rid of him, she'd just dump him. She's basically looking for a bigger, better deal (BBD). I think where my perspective is differing from other posters is I don't necessarily see her as 'desperate' or anything. I just see it as this is how the game is played. People don't have to like it and some will even find it distasteful. I just think it is what it is. All chicks do it to one degree or another at one time or another. Either play ball or sit home playing video games. She's grooming Rexxy as a "friend" because no one just comes out and says, "if you start dating me, I'll dump my BF/GF now." She is just using the word "friend" as euphemism to make herself look and feel less tacky rather than just coming out and saying she's ready to trade her current BF in on a newer model. I'll definitely give Rexxy points for drawing a line against being an orbiter and being in the friendzone until she $hits or gets off the pot with the BF. It was a very good move on his part to draw a distinction that he won't be her orbiter or ego-stoker or foot rubber and that a relationship will require her to ditch the BF. That's all great. What I am saying is if he does want to try her on for size and see how things go, now is the time to move on it. Make the offer. Make the move. Take the risks. Then deal with the aftermaths. If he thinks she's a skank and doesn't want anything to do with her, that's his prerogative.
HereNorThere Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 (edited) Personally, I just don't think the juice is worth the squeeze. Why on earth would I chose a woman with drama already attached to her when there's sooo many other ones ready to go? It seems like people who would purposely date someone in a relationship are operating from a position of scarcity. As men, are we really so desperate that we have to eff every girl that will eff us? Can we not have standards? OP, if this is the last woman on earth and you have no other choices, by all means. If you have standards, self-respect, respect for relationships, respect for your weiner and not giving it some crazy illness, boundaries and most importantly - options, don't sleep with every girl who has a freaking pulse. It'll be more attractive and over the long haul, you'll get better women because you know what you deserve. Edited August 9, 2015 by HereNorThere 2
Versacehottie Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 wow, herenorthere, couldn't have said it better! I'm going off of what rexxy's position on all this was and assuming the "why". If he doesn't want to date her unless she is single, wondering why he would take that noble position. Maybe because he inherently realizes that's in line with his values and he would like her as a gf. More importantly, he doesn't want to play second best of some other guy who she speaks poorly about. That's humiliating.
Versacehottie Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 She's past the fishing stage since he has already taken her bait in flirting and bantering and spending time with her. Now she's grooming him to be a suitor. This really isn't about the BF at all. If she wanted rid of him, she'd just dump him. She's basically looking for a bigger, better deal (BBD). I think where my perspective is differing from other posters is I don't necessarily see her as 'desperate' or anything. I just see it as this is how the game is played. People don't have to like it and some will even find it distasteful. I just think it is what it is. All chicks do it to one degree or another at one time or another. Either play ball or sit home playing video games. She's grooming Rexxy as a "friend" because no one just comes out and says, "if you start dating me, I'll dump my BF/GF now." She is just using the word "friend" as euphemism to make herself look and feel less tacky rather than just coming out and saying she's ready to trade her current BF in on a newer model. I'll definitely give Rexxy points for drawing a line against being an orbiter and being in the friendzone until she $hits or gets off the pot with the BF. It was a very good move on his part to draw a distinction that he won't be her orbiter or ego-stoker or foot rubber and that a relationship will require her to ditch the BF. That's all great. What I am saying is if he does want to try her on for size and see how things go, now is the time to move on it. Make the offer. Make the move. Take the risks. Then deal with the aftermaths. If he thinks she's a skank and doesn't want anything to do with her, that's his prerogative. She's acted like a skank. Not treating rexxy like he's the bigger, better deal only pissed because he's set limits on her that she now wants to challenge. As herenorthere said if you can't see that she will be a bunch of drama, well... It's absolute desperation. This is not how most girls act. Cheating-like behavior is a character trait as is attention seeking. There are plenty of 20something gorgeous girls who get attention from lots of guys and wouldn't fixate on the one who told them "no" because she has a bf. There are plenty of 20something gorgeous girls who love their bfs happily and aren't worried about getting another though if they break up since they know where they rank as far as interest from guys. Anyway, I don't think we will agree on this. Other than if rexxy is going to go for it, I don't see a point in waiting. If he wants a FWB, now is the time to go for it. BTW, it's playing out pretty much the way I expect, she absolutely cannot handle that OP did not give into her demands. Hmmmmm, I wonder how that will play out if he gets involved with her in ANY way. (roll eyes) 1
oldshirt Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 wow, herenorthere, couldn't have said it better! I'm going off of what rexxy's position on all this was and assuming the "why". If he doesn't want to date her unless she is single, wondering why he would take that noble position. Maybe because he inherently realizes that's in line with his values and he would like her as a gf. More importantly, he doesn't want to play second best of some other guy who she speaks poorly about. That's humiliating. He would only be second best if he allowed her to friendzone him to stroke her ego and rub her feet while her BF continued to get the poon. But I don't think that is what would happen here. I think Rex would be the one scoring and the BF would be the one relegated to picking up her tampons for her and rubbing her feet for the final days of their relationship while she transitioned over to Rex. My thoughts on this are if Rexxy wasn't attracted to her and didn't want anything to do with this situation, he wouldn't have ever wrote in here about it. And if he was just a douchebag playa' he would've hit it within the first couple days and again wouldn't have bothered to write here about it. So he is somewhere in between those two extremes. I suspect there is a lot that he does like about her but is having some moral dilemma about moving forward with someone with a BF. He has done well in taking a stand against being friendzoned with someone with a BF and has done well in stating he won't date her unless she dumps the BF. Both solid moves on his part. What I suspect he is looking for here is either some kind of green light to keep inching forward with this chick or he is wanting someone to say it is ok to NOT do anything with her. People have done a good job of telling him all the reasons for him to let this one pass. And I will concur that if this is something that is just outside of his value system and thinks it's too much trouble for what she'll be worth, the better part of valor here is to let this one go. I get that. My position however is this is what 20 year old chicks do. They are young, healthy, single people who can basically do whatever they want as long as it is legal, responsible and mutually consenting. If it's not him, it will be someone else in a short period of time. If he wants to try her on for size, she is ripe for the pick'ns now. Maybe she'll be a dud and in a week it will all be over. Maybe there will be too much drama and chaos and he'll walk. Maybe she'll decide the BF is a BBD after all and go back to him and dump Rex cold. Maybe they'll hit it off and this will be a story they tell their grandchildren some day. There are never any guarentees either way. My point is the only way you'll ever know is to take the chance and see. Or you can play it safe and do nothing and let the opportunity pass. If he decides he doesn't want to get with this chick, all he has to do is to do nothing and she will go away.
Author Rexxy Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Unbelievable responses to this thread and so many different perspectives! It's made me think what I really want out of this and I can understand that this girl isn't gf material or maybe she's stuck in a relationship that she wants to get out of and was waiting for someone to come by. I think at this stage I'll only treat her as FWB until I see a more reliable and trustworthy side to her which I can't see yet. I'm sure something will happening this upcoming weekend and I'll have to let everyone know what goes down. I have a lot of choices and thoughts right now.
lino Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 He would only be second best if he allowed her to friendzone him to stroke her ego and rub her feet while her BF continued to get the poon. But I don't think that is what would happen here. I think Rex would be the one scoring and the BF would be the one relegated to picking up her tampons for her and rubbing her feet for the final days of their relationship while she transitioned over to Rex. My thoughts on this are if Rexxy wasn't attracted to her and didn't want anything to do with this situation, he wouldn't have ever wrote in here about it. And if he was just a douchebag playa' he would've hit it within the first couple days and again wouldn't have bothered to write here about it. So he is somewhere in between those two extremes. I suspect there is a lot that he does like about her but is having some moral dilemma about moving forward with someone with a BF. He has done well in taking a stand against being friendzoned with someone with a BF and has done well in stating he won't date her unless she dumps the BF. Both solid moves on his part. What I suspect he is looking for here is either some kind of green light to keep inching forward with this chick or he is wanting someone to say it is ok to NOT do anything with her. People have done a good job of telling him all the reasons for him to let this one pass. And I will concur that if this is something that is just outside of his value system and thinks it's too much trouble for what she'll be worth, the better part of valor here is to let this one go. I get that. My position however is this is what 20 year old chicks do. They are young, healthy, single people who can basically do whatever they want as long as it is legal, responsible and mutually consenting. If it's not him, it will be someone else in a short period of time. If he wants to try her on for size, she is ripe for the pick'ns now. Maybe she'll be a dud and in a week it will all be over. Maybe there will be too much drama and chaos and he'll walk. Maybe she'll decide the BF is a BBD after all and go back to him and dump Rex cold. Maybe they'll hit it off and this will be a story they tell their grandchildren some day. There are never any guarentees either way. My point is the only way you'll ever know is to take the chance and see. Or you can play it safe and do nothing and let the opportunity pass. If he decides he doesn't want to get with this chick, all he has to do is to do nothing and she will go away. You've made some excellent posts in this thread. They are one's any struggling guy should read because they hit the nail precisely on the head. I'd say pretty 99.9% of women start relationships in this way at some point(s) in their life. The obvious exception being those from the super conservative, arranged marriage cultures and even there it happens when some of them marry. Men are often wrongly painted as the 'cheating' gender but I've seen countless more women start relationships in this manner simply because... They can and many of them are not able to handle life independently. Unbelievable responses to this thread and so many different perspectives! It's made me think what I really want out of this and I can understand that this girl isn't gf material or maybe she's stuck in a relationship that she wants to get out of and was waiting for someone to come by. I think at this stage I'll only treat her as FWB until I see a more reliable and trustworthy side to her which I can't see yet. I'm sure something will happening this upcoming weekend and I'll have to let everyone know what goes down. I have a lot of choices and thoughts right now. Piece of a#s at best mate, nothing more. You'll be on here complaining she left you in a flash if you try make something serious of this. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I agree with 2nd part of what lino said. Piece of ass at best mate. I agree with some of what oldshirt has said. But I think the primary premise is one of regret for opportunities that one misses out on earlier in life. I wouldn't really consider this an "opportunity" and rexxy sounds like he does just fine getting attention from the ladies. If he has a plentitude of choices, there is not a reason at all to consider this girl. Drama for sure.
Author Rexxy Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 I decided that I wanted to take all the advice I got from this thread and combine it to make my decision on what to do next. I've ended up inviting her out for saturday night in the city which will mostly include drinking and clubbing, I've invited her along with a group of people to head out. She seemed very keen to come out on that sat night with me, she has work the next morning but said she would ask to change her shift to the afternoon so she can a have a big night. No mention of her boyfriend on sat, but she said she's seeing him friday and free on sat. Time to swoop in. My thought process included not letting an opportunity pass me and actually living a little because what the hell. Secondly, I'm not going to pass this girl as gf material unless a miracle happens. I'll let everyone know what happens on the night.
Author Rexxy Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 So we went out on sat night and you can pretty much guessed what happened. The night was so much fun and I ended up back at hers for the night, we had sex and it was amazing! The next day we spent it with each other discussing some pretty deep topics about her relationship. She said "Now she needs to figure out things with her bf" and all I said was "You know what the right thing is to do and I'm not going to make that decision for you" Anyway, I had a really good time with her but I still need to be careful. I'll let you know what happens this week.
Versacehottie Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 So we went out on sat night and you can pretty much guessed what happened. The night was so much fun and I ended up back at hers for the night, we had sex and it was amazing! The next day we spent it with each other discussing some pretty deep topics about her relationship. She said "Now she needs to figure out things with her bf" and all I said was "You know what the right thing is to do and I'm not going to make that decision for you" Anyway, I had a really good time with her but I still need to be careful. I'll let you know what happens this week. Haha, told you. And hell right you do still need to be careful. She will still be the girl who has sex with other guys when she is in a relationship if she becomes yours. Good luck, Rexxy. I think you are going to need it but I'm glad you had fun.
Author Rexxy Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 Haha, told you. And hell right you do still need to be careful. She will still be the girl who has sex with other guys when she is in a relationship if she becomes yours. Good luck, Rexxy. I think you are going to need it but I'm glad you had fun. You knew from the start haha We'll just have to wait and see what happens, I'm definitely going to make it clear from the start that I wont tolerate any sort of this behavior. Any sign of of her been a skank I'll walk away with my head held high and get on with my life. 1
MovingOnIsHard Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 You knew from the start haha We'll just have to wait and see what happens, I'm definitely going to make it clear from the start that I wont tolerate any sort of this behavior. Any sign of of her been a skank I'll walk away with my head held high and get on with my life. "This behaviour"? And somehow it is okay with you having sex with a girl who is in a relationship with another guy. Yeah, ok. That makes you a skank too. 2
Marc878 Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 (edited) Yeah you're right. Wouldn't mind an f buddy later on, but still not going to touch her when she has a bf. Not my type of thing to do Edited August 17, 2015 by Marc878
Author Rexxy Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 "This behaviour"? And somehow it is okay with you having sex with a girl who is in a relationship with another guy. Yeah, ok. That makes you a skank too. Yep guess so.
Author Rexxy Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 Yeah you're right. Wouldn't mind an f buddy later on, but still not going to touch her when she has a bf. Not my type of thing to do Changed my mind clearly, I'm having fun so what of it.
CarrieT Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Changed my mind clearly, I'm having fun so what of it. Clearly the little head won out over the big head as you threw your scruples out the window. 1
Author Rexxy Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 Clearly the little head won out over the big head as you threw your scruples out the window. Well I'm 21 and still a little immature, I held it off as long as I could.
Maxtor Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 I agree with Old. We are all going to die someday, why keep the fun out of our lifes? Cause of "integrity"? Bankers and politicians have the most fun in life. 0 integrity.
Recommended Posts