She has a boyfriend...sticky situation

[Popsicle]

So she came into the place I work to train tonight and we ended up having a conversation in the office for 15 mins.

 

I stuck to my guns and kept telling her that I'm only interested in seeing her when she is single, until then I'll do my own thing.

 

She kept saying how I'm really making her think about things and what she should do. And she's confused on why she cares so much about me 'rejecting' her when we've only known each other for a week. She said she doesn't really know what to do. And she really wants to be friends so she can get to know me more and have me around.

 

Although all of that I just stuck to my plan and said goodbye to her for the night, I'm really curious where this will go.

 

You need to not be curious and stick to your guns. You can Not give in and be her friend just because she whines. And don't let her stalk yiu at work either! Brush her off and tell her you've got to get back to work.

 

Honestly, all of this, her behavior etc. should be turning you off...

[CarrieT]

She kept saying how I'm really making her think about things and what she should do.

This is probably because in this era - and your ages - relationships are a bit more throw-away and she is not used to someone with ethics in this regard.

 

And she's confused on why she cares so much about me 'rejecting' her when we've only known each other for a week.

Again, she has probably done this before (perhaps with the guy she is with now?) and it is common practice to relationship-hop.

 

She said she doesn't really know what to do.

Because she has never met anyone before that wouldn't take her up on her offer!

 

And she really wants to be friends so she can get to know me more and have me around.

She is trying to revert the situation back to one she knows how to manipulate; seducing a potential new guy while keeping the old on the back burner while she tries out a new thing to see if it is worth pursuing.

[xcupid]

So she came into the place I work to train tonight and we ended up having a conversation in the office for 15 mins.

 

I stuck to my guns and kept telling her that I'm only interested in seeing her when she is single, until then I'll do my own thing.

 

She kept saying how I'm really making her think about things and what she should do. And she's confused on why she cares so much about me 'rejecting' her when we've only known each other for a week. She said she doesn't really know what to do. And she really wants to be friends so she can get to know me more and have me around.

 

Although all of that I just stuck to my plan and said goodbye to her for the night, I'm really curious where this will go.

 

 

She wants what she can't have. That's why "she's confused on why she cares so much about me 'rejecting' her when we've only known each other for a week."

[elaine567]

The force is strong with this one.

I'll give it two weeks before she's banging him.

 

OP is already mesmerised, besotted, putty in her hands...

[Versacehottie]

She likes the chase. Not you yet. Don't get twisted about this. I love how she said she was "rejected". She HAS. A. BOYFRIEND.

 

Rexxy, you have come a long way from the first posts I've seen of yours. Treat this one with extreme caution. She is not exhibiting very good qualities and even if you guys get together, it may just be a huge waste of your time. She is not impressive with her behavior.

[dpn4u]

Workout partners of either sex are good to have. I understand that you want to date her, but there's nothing wrong with continuing to work out with her while you pursue other women while she's still with the other guy.

 

If she happens to ditch her boyfriend, you will pretty much have your girl. If you happen to find a woman other than her to date, you still have a workout partner. You might just be able to push her off the fence by telling her about your dating progress. There's nothing that can cause a woman to make a move out of a failing relationship like feeling as though she's missing out on a good time with someone else that she already likes (you in this case). Stir up a little jealousy ;-)

 

I'm having trouble seeing the problem. You haven't committed to her or even dated her yet, really.

 

Despite popular opinion it is possible to have a friend of the opposite sex. You just need to put her there, and continue looking. For now you have a cool work out partner that you click with. Just be sure to keep her at a friendly distance til she makes a decision about ending her current relationship. I wouldn't do much with her outside the gym. If you are looking for someone to date, focus on that when not working out.

 

The best part about your situation is that other women at the gym that see you guys working out together are going to wonder why she likes to work out with you. It makes you less threatening and is almost a guarantee that you aren't a creepy stalker type. What you do with that is up to you.

 

I'm not saying you are wrong for feeling like you do, just saying how I'd handle that situation. Feelings are never wrong. It's how you handle them that is right or wrong. Turn the situation around into a positive one for yourself.

 

I met this girl at the gym a week ago and we clicked instantly, we trained together a few times then on friday she asked me to come to her house after I finished work. We went out for dinner and ice-cream that night.

 

At dinner was the first time she mentioned her bf and said that shes been having problems with him and doesn't think it will last much longer.

 

The next day I texted her saying "You're someone I would prefer to date than be friends with so I think it's best if you contact me if things don't work out with you're boyfriend"

 

She replied that she understood and hopes im around in the near future.

 

2 days later (today) she asked me what time we should go to the gym tonight because we discussed it earlier that week to train today.

 

Did she miss the point that I only want her to contact me if she leaves her boyfriend?

 

What do I do? She also mentioned at dinner that she gets annoyed at people that are un-reliable and she has to organize everything.

[Rexxy]

I've read all the replies and really appreciate the support that's been offered through these forums.

 

I'm going to 'stick to my guns' and not cave in at any point, I don't want her as a friend and that's that. I will only allow anything to happen once she is single.

 

Until then, I'll keep talking to other girls and exploring my options.

 

I feel a lot more powerful been able to deal with these situations in a 'alpha' way instead of been the push-over guy that goes along with everything.

 

I feel much better already.

 

Thanks for all the help, I'll keep everyone updated on this little journey.

[HereNorThere]

Workout partners of either sex are good to have. I understand that you want to date her, but there's nothing wrong with continuing to work out with her while you pursue other women while she's still with the other guy.

 

I love your optimism, but as the saying goes -

 

"If you hang around the barber shop long enough, you're gonna get a haircut."

[Versacehottie]

I've read all the replies and really appreciate the support that's been offered through these forums.

 

I'm going to 'stick to my guns' and not cave in at any point, I don't want her as a friend and that's that. I will only allow anything to happen once she is single.

 

Until then, I'll keep talking to other girls and exploring my options.

 

I feel a lot more powerful been able to deal with these situations in a 'alpha' way instead of been the push-over guy that goes along with everything.

 

I feel much better already.

 

Thanks for all the help, I'll keep everyone updated on this little journey.

 

This is good. While I'm thinking she's still not worth it as gf material even IF she is single, hopefully by dating others you will come to this conclusion yourself. I tend to think she is gonna be full court press though and within a couple of weeks, something will happen. Not due to your lack of willpower. I think she will cave to your demands, even if she is being dishonest about it. It would be the least shocking thing she could do.

 

I agree with the "alpha" position as you put it, whether the person who is setting conditions is male or female. Once you cave to them you lose the other person's respect and they will try to break you down in similar fashion with anything that comes up. If you say something definitive like this and it's an expression of your values, you cannot cave or the person will know they have you wrapped around their little finger. Plus it's more attractive what you said anyway. Who wants to be with a guy who would willing agree to take 2nd position to her lame bf? BTW, if you can imagine the positions swapped you should be asking yourself the same question about her. I think she is only FWB material and even that's sketchy because I bet she's a drama queen. As a gf, you will always be wondering if she is cheating on you. She is not even trying to conceal that she is this type of person. Add in the drama and the fact that she is game playing and chasing you, no one is that hot. K, good luck

[Rexxy]

It feels like she's losing interest very quickly now.

 

She came into my work today, and before she trained she apologized to me for over-reacting the other day and that she felt really shallow for saying to me "she's thinking she'll break up with her boyfriend at the start of next year"

 

It literally seemed liked she didn't care what happens now, didn't even seem that interested in me (like she accepted she'll stay with her boyfriend).

 

I couldn't talk much during the time she apologized so I said I'll have to text her later because of work.

 

This is how it went:

 

Me: "Hey, I didn't think you were shallow when you said that. All I thought was your someone that needs to listen to your heart, not your head"

 

Her: It felt shallow afterwards, idk I don't want to give you the impression I'm like that. I definitely struggle with putting my thoughts into a coherent sentence, especially when I had mixed emotions at the time and was put on the spot. I get where you're coming from now though and I respect that. Have a good night! I'm sure I'll see you around xx

 

Me: That's good you see where I'm coming from. Guess we'll have to wait to the start of next year to be 'friends' haha

 

Her: Time will tell I guess

 

 

I sent that last part as joke because of what she said to me.

 

What do you all think? I'm not too fussed either way but it would be nice to sleep with her at some stage.

[irishguy]

Doesnt sound like she had ever planned to leave her bf , she just wanted you to help her cheat .Now she sees you are not like that so she is pulling back .

[Versacehottie]

Doesnt sound like she had ever planned to leave her bf , she just wanted you to help her cheat .Now she sees you are not like that so she is pulling back .

 

I agree with this because all she ever was doing was considering what she could get away with. Basically when she was pursuing you before she was trying to see if she could have things both ways (keep the bf and get you). Now she's taking you seriously and/or coming at you from another angle. She realizes that you were hardline when she was being so forward so she is acting like she is taking a step back (which may be genuine or may be a strategy!). It sounds like it kinda worked. Your little joke showed her that you are still in the palm of her hand. Your undertone was flirty and "well I don't really want to wait until beginning of year" and "confirm to me that you are going to break up with your bf at some point". You could feel she was starting to shut you out so it was your way back in. You should have just been ok, bye.

 

Anyway, it's possible that she could be pondering a real break with her bf and wants to act more admirable and trying to get you to perceive her differently so you would consider her gf material (this is typical of someone who won't leave a relationship until they are sure they have another one waiting in the wings). Or she could just be doing what she planned all along: stay with the bf and stop the shenanigans with you once they served their purpose or she sees they have reached the end of the road. The point is with all these hypotheses is that she still hasn't shown you anything significant where she is dating material. It sounds like what she did scared you that you are losing her interest and it worked. Truth is you are both still interested otherwise she wouldn't have felt the need to come explain herself. Keep dating others. Nothing's changed. You two are still doing the dance, which ebbs and flows but it's nothing to write home about yet.

[Rexxy]

I agree with this because all she ever was doing was considering what she could get away with. Basically when she was pursuing you before she was trying to see if she could have things both ways (keep the bf and get you). Now she's taking you seriously and/or coming at you from another angle. She realizes that you were hardline when she was being so forward so she is acting like she is taking a step back (which may be genuine or may be a strategy!). It sounds like it kinda worked. Your little joke showed her that you are still in the palm of her hand. Your undertone was flirty and "well I don't really want to wait until beginning of year" and "confirm to me that you are going to break up with your bf at some point". You could feel she was starting to shut you out so it was your way back in. You should have just been ok, bye.

 

Anyway, it's possible that she could be pondering a real break with her bf and wants to act more admirable and trying to get you to perceive her differently so you would consider her gf material (this is typical of someone who won't leave a relationship until they are sure they have another one waiting in the wings). Or she could just be doing what she planned all along: stay with the bf and stop the shenanigans with you once they served their purpose or she sees they have reached the end of the road. The point is with all these hypotheses is that she still hasn't shown you anything significant where she is dating material. It sounds like what she did scared you that you are losing her interest and it worked. Truth is you are both still interested otherwise she wouldn't have felt the need to come explain herself. Keep dating others. Nothing's changed. You two are still doing the dance, which ebbs and flows but it's nothing to write home about yet.

 

 

Versacehottie your responses are always great! I'm already going on a date with another girl tonight and a different one for the weekend. I'm starting to learn not to put all my effort and time into one person but,instead, explore my options and find the qualities I find attractive in each girl.

 

You're right. She isn't someone I would value or 'qualify' as girlfriend material since the things she's doing are very shady. I'll continue to move on and just leave this girl out of the picture until she contacts me once she is single.

 

Sometimes I get a little caught up and forget to look at the bigger picture, thanks for reminding me!

 

I'm only 21 and need to stop been so serious and live a little.

 

Thanks for the help!

[Versacehottie]

Versacehottie your responses are always great! I'm already going on a date with another girl tonight and a different one for the weekend. I'm starting to learn not to put all my effort and time into one person but,instead, explore my options and find the qualities I find attractive in each girl.

 

You're right. She isn't someone I would value or 'qualify' as girlfriend material since the things she's doing are very shady. I'll continue to move on and just leave this girl out of the picture until she contacts me once she is single.

 

Sometimes I get a little caught up and forget to look at the bigger picture, thanks for reminding me!

 

I'm only 21 and need to stop been so serious and live a little.

 

Thanks for the help!

 

Well I think it seems like you have gained greater maturity with the posts recently compared to the posts I originally saw of yours. It's not the you have to feel or act old when I say "maturity". It's only that you just look at the world through wiser eyes--both for how things affect you, your integrity to yourself, and how you affect other people. There is the greatest happiness to be found from this perspective and you will attract better people into your life which will enrich your life. I didn't think you were overly serious. Glad you have another date all set up!

 

She's not available and possibly not gf material so you absolutely should be dating others. That applies to any age/person in similar situation.

 

Even when/if she is single, remember you've learned things she does behind her bf's back so use caution whether you would accept her into your own life in ANY way. Point is: people who do shady things, usually continue to do them down many avenues and in their own heads can justify them as not shady--so it never ends. Just sayn.

[Rexxy]

I'm not sure how updated everyone likes to be but I've got something interesting to add to the story.

 

Well I went on a date with that new girl last night and she ended up staying at mine (went well). The next day I had work so it was easier for me to drop this girl off to the train station near me. I walked her to the train station and hugged her, and kissed her (decent kiss) goodbye.

 

What I didn't realize is that the girl that had a boyfriend was on the treadmill in the gym I work at and could see me saying goodbye to this new girl!

 

I walked into the gym and she gave me the dirtiest look I have ever seen in my life and the she left.

[CarrieT]

I walked into the gym and she gave me the dirtiest look I have ever seen in my life and the she left.

Bwahaha....

[joseb]

I'm not sure how updated everyone likes to be but I've got something interesting to add to the story.

 

Well I went on a date with that new girl last night and she ended up staying at mine (went well). The next day I had work so it was easier for me to drop this girl off to the train station near me. I walked her to the train station and hugged her, and kissed her (decent kiss) goodbye.

 

What I didn't realize is that the girl that had a boyfriend was on the treadmill in the gym I work at and could see me saying goodbye to this new girl!

 

I walked into the gym and she gave me the dirtiest look I have ever seen in my life and the she left.

 

Love it!

 

Op it's good to see someone with integrity these days. Although you may have "missed out" on some cheating sex what you did is worth a lot to your self respect. And because of this you hooked up with another girl (who presumably is less crazy) so alls good

[Rexxy]

And after that little incident she's texting me a lot more. She's been really flirty though text and asking me what I'm doing on sat night (said I was busy).

 

I said I'm watching a movie and she replied with "Some day. We'll have a horror movie night. It'll happen :)", I replied with "As long as I have a blanket to hide under, you got a deal" then she said "You can hold my hand if you get scared it's okay haha"

 

This girl is one of a kind. I don't think it'll be long until something really interesting happens.

 

I'll still keep everyone updated.

[CarrieT]

Something really interesting *is* happening!

 

She is back to trying to play you. She saw you with someone having an intimate moment and it is making her want some of the same.

 

You are back to bantering with her and it should stop. She will only get flirty if you let it continue which means you are goading her on; in a sense, back to square one.

 

STOP IT, DUDE!

[oldshirt]

Lets all keep in mind these are singe 21 year olds and not married 32 year olds that have minor children, mortgages, car payments an inlaws that will be outraged if a divorce happens.

 

 

I'm assuming this gal is in the 19-22 year old range and most dating relationships at that age are temporary and volatile anyway. If she is getting the urge to move on and graze in greener pastures, she is going to be hit'n it with some dude within a week or two whether it's Rexxy or someone else.

 

 

Rexxy sounds first on the list at the moment and he's not married or has any other commitments and it doesn't sound like he's looking for a little wifey at the moment so why should he just sit by watch this ship sail away just sitting on his hands?????

 

 

If he was dying to find the perfect little wifey-poo to settle down and marry next month and start raising a family in their cute little white picket fence, I would say this gal may not be the one for that.

 

 

But if he is wanting to get out of the house for a fun nigh on the town or to have a FWB with no other long term goal or objective SHE'S THE PERFECT TICKET.

 

 

Guys only have temporary window of opportunity with a chick and this window is starting to close rapidly.

 

 

Yes there are risks involved. Her BF may have other ideas and may show up to give him a good pounding. If a guy wants to be sexually active, he s going to have to be competitive with other men and be willing and able to exchange a few scuffles with other men now and then.

 

 

She may have an STD - but any given chick may have an STD. If you want to live an STD life, don't have sex. it's that simple.

 

 

These are young, single, healthy adults. Young, single, healthy adults screw around a lot and go through dating partners like socks in a sock drawer.

[Versacehottie]

And after that little incident she's texting me a lot more. She's been really flirty though text and asking me what I'm doing on sat night (said I was busy).

 

I said I'm watching a movie and she replied with "Some day. We'll have a horror movie night. It'll happen :)", I replied with "As long as I have a blanket to hide under, you got a deal" then she said "You can hold my hand if you get scared it's okay haha"

 

This girl is one of a kind. I don't think it'll be long until something really interesting happens.

 

I'll still keep everyone updated.

 

Yeah, what you should be taking from her dirty look is that she is desperate for attention. She sees you just as a plaything and a possession even though she is a committed relationship. And now she's up'ped her behavior again. You are a challenge to her that's all. She wouldn't know true love if it hit her in the head. This should be turning you off to her.

 

Also on your end, why do you keep texting her back? In a flirty way. Not so cool of you to yourself. If you say something mean it: you said you didn't want anything with her when she was still part of a couple. Don't act like putty in her hands and think more of yourself. While I can get being curious, just to get a sense of your own attractiveness to her, at a certain point isn't she just a pretty loser? Don't you see that? If she wasn't pretty--don't you see how desperate it is what she is doing? And pathetic?

 

Here's how you be smart: decide if someone like this is who you'd EVER want a relationship with. If you come up with a no, stop playing games with her, that's not a good look on you and bound to cause future problems or annoyances from her. Still not sure about even if you would want to hook up with her even if you don't want her as a gf? Think about how many other guys she probably does this with (doesn't make you feel that special, does it?) and whether you want to be the one her desperate little games worked on. Pretty girls are everywhere. Most of them have a good amount of integrity so that puts her at bottom of pile of attractiveness. You can do better. Distance yourself.

[oldshirt]

Rexxy, some day you are going to be a 51 young old married man with children and a mortgage and car payments and joint accounts and a family health insurance plan and inlaws that are integrated into your own family.

 

 

At that time you will look back on your youth and you will not regret one single chick you hooked up with even though your grandmother may not have approved of it.

 

 

You will not regret pissing off some other guy. The black eye and bloody nose and bruised knuckles you got out of it will have all healed up.

 

 

You may not even regret the STD that was treatable.

 

 

And you won't regret the wild swings of emotions that you went through that ranged anywhere from exhileration and elation to pain and heartache when Little Miss Sexy Suzie turned around and picked up some other dude at the gym after she grew tired of you.

 

 

What you will regret in your later years is the opportunities you let pass and missed because you were afraid of what other people would think of it.

 

 

You will regret the times you sat on your hands and did nothing because you wanted to wait until everything was just perfect.

 

 

You will regret not taking the chance with a gal you really liked because se happened to be dating some other dude and you didn't want him getting angry with you.

 

 

Those are the things you'll actually regret as you go through life.

[oldshirt]

and I want to make one other real important point that I wish someone had informed me about when I was young.

 

 

pretty much all of the pretty girls are dating someone in their late teen and early 20s at just about any given time. It is very rare for a very attractive gal to be completely free and clear and not be dating someone to one degree or another.

 

 

If you wait until a hot chick is completely single and clear, you will spend all your time waiting.

 

 

Here are a couple more factoids - Most dating relationships are not as serious and not as binding as other people give them credit for. They may be dating consistently but there often isn't any kind of real-world commitment taking place. Either party can walk away at any point with no real conseguences except for a few tears and a few days of being upset by the other party.

 

 

and hot chicks will almost always groom their next suitor well before cutting the cord with their current suitor. If you are not one of the guys being warmed up on deck when she decides to cut the cord, you are not one of the ones that are going to get your chance to come up to bat.

 

 

In this instance, Rexxy is the one getting warmed up. If he squanders this chance, she's going to get someone else in a matter of days and his opportunity may be gone.

[oldshirt]

...and finally, yes, she may very well turn around and do the same thing to him in a matter of time..... so what???? It happens all the time to everyone and there is a good chance that any other little chicky that he is dating can do the exact same thing any way.

 

 

This is simply how it is at this age. You can either suit up and walk out on the field and get a little dirty and a little scuffed up playing the game. Or you can sit on the bleachers and be a spectator and watch other people play.

 

 

As long as he is smart and doesn't invest more than he is willing to lose, this will all be ok. As long as he isn't marrying this chick in the next few weeks and as long as he isn't co-signing any of her loans and isn't joining into a joint bank account where he is the only making deposits and as long as he isn't handing over his credit cards to her, he will be ok.

 

 

As long as he is keeping his options open and not agreeing to any kind of commitment to her right off the bat and can walk away at any time, there is no foul and no cause for alarm here.

[oldshirt]

My advice is to call her up, tell you had this awesome dream about her last night and that you can't get her off of your mind.

 

 

When she asks what the dream was about, tell her it's too hard to explain and you'll just have to show her.

 

 

Then be willing to live to with whatever fallout comes from whatever happens. If she gives you the clap, see your doctor.

 

 

If she turns around and bangs some dude from her coed volleyball team, it's not like you didn't know she wasn't like that.

 

 

If her BF shows up to kick your ass, it's not like you didn't know he was out there and would likely be pissed.

 

 

And if you end up falling in love with her and buying her a house and car and having 3 kids spilling $hit all over everything, it's not like that would be first time that's happened in the world either.