Pancake Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 (edited) Okay, if I say I don't want so see him, that means even the thought of having him near me scares the **** out of me. To clear everything up: I broke up with my ex one and a half years ago. I met him when I just turned 18 and was kicked out by my parents and the first year was magical. Then everything turned bad and I was stuck in this emotional abusive relationship for another 2 years. I practically had moved in with him and his family because I couldn't bear being alone, and soon he sucked me in completely. We only ever did what he liked, he separated me from my friends and family and told me over and over how he was the only person who truly cared about me. He had the worst mood swings: One moment he was the sweetest person who treated me like a princess, then he went bat**** crazy and verbally abused me, and finally he broke down crying like a baby, not knowing what was wrong with him. When I moved to another city to go to Uni and he left for a year abroad I finally found the strength to leave him. Although I hated how he treated me I still loved him very much. I knew I had to end it and soon found myself in a new, very happy and healthy relationship. I even moved abroad. Here comes the turning point: Although it has been one and a half years since we broke up I still can't face to go to my home town because I am scared to see him. My hometown is very tiny, everybody knows everybody and its hard not to run into people while shopping for groceries. In fact the first time I went back after the break up, I went to a school reunion party and saw him there (HE DIDNT EVEN GO TO THAT SCHOOL). What was worse: He was with all his mates, his friends who used to my close friends. Although they had been his friends first, they also had been my friends, especially after he had isolated me from all my friends. And these people who I had picked up from parties during the night or driven to the hospital for treatments, had cut off all contact with me. And I can't take seeing them as well. I can't bear the thought of the people who might see my in town and connect me to being that girl who dated this guy. So what do I do? Its not fair, I want to be able to go home and walk the streets comfortably. I even moved countries since breaking up, so when I go home I really want to go HOME and not stress myself out so much. Am I crazy? I feel that by now, I should be able to handle this situation... Edited August 1, 2015 by Pancake Typo
seasickpeeve Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 What are you worried will happen? Did you ever tell anyone the truth about what happened?
Author Pancake Posted August 1, 2015 Author Posted August 1, 2015 I pretty much told all my friends but they always thought of him as an idiot. But I also know that his friends only listened to his side, not mine. And unfortunately his friends are the kind of people that stayed at home and found work there, whereas my friends all moved to go to university, so they're barely home... I worry that he will want to talk to me and that I'm not gonna be able to keep it together. Like as if there was some weird spell he cast on me, which will make me melt away. And that is obviously the last I need. I just don't know how I would react. He was my first love. I also worry that I will get mean comments from his friends. Or worse, that I will miss them.
seasickpeeve Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Sounds like a horrible situation to be in. He has managed to make you feel like your home isn't your home, it's his. He's invasive but in your mind only. Kick him out of your head! These are just thoughts...worries...it might not happen the way you are imagining it. You may surprise yourself by how strong you are when actually in the situation. You might see him and feel nothing. His friends might miss you too and be mature enough to understand there is always two sides to a breakup. Hope it goes ok. 1
Author Pancake Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Aww thank you these are some really lovely words. Unfortunately there were some times when I did see him after the break up and those times went horribly wrong. The first time I saw him after the break up I made out with him. I don't know I just couldn't resist. And of course after I realized how wrong that was he was super aggressive towards me. The next time I saw him was when he sat outside the cafe next to my apartment. I got an actual anxiety attack (couldn't breathe, got dizzy, broke down in tears), turned on my heel and ran. And this didn't even happen in my home town. It happened where went Uni. Thats why Im so worried. Ive been there. And I wasn't as strong as I wanted to be
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