blackchild Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 THIS GUY THAT I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU GUYS ABOUT ( YOU KNOW THE GUY WITH THE DISAPPEARING ACT) WELL LATELY ME AND HIM HAVE BEEN ALRIGHT. I INVITED HIM KICK IT WITH SOME FRIENDS HE PROMISED THAT HE WILL SHOW BUT NEVER DID. HOW SHOULD HANDLE THIS SITUATION? A. JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING AND IGNORE HIM IF HE EVER COMES BACK AROUND B. LET THE INNER BLACK BITCH COME OUT ON HIS FILIPINO ASS C. LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY AND THEN DIMISS HIM SPEAKING OF THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN CALL ME SO FAR TODAY TO APOLOGIZE! THAT BASTARD! YOU GUYS CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE SOME WORDS TO HEAL THIS HEARTBREAK. THIS IS A BLOW TO MY EGO BECAUSE I AM A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY.
agnf666 Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Run... Run far away!!!! Personally, I would not contact him anymore. I would just distance yourself from him. To be angry and kick his ass will only make him think that your madly in love with him or something. If you really like him and want it to work you have to let him make the next contact. I would just leave his ass alone. Find another guy!!!!!
noname Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 uuuhhhh, try seeing what happened before you make a judgement. you don't know what happened. he might have a good explanation. car accident, death in the family, heart attack... endless possibilities. once you do speak to him, if there is no good explanation, then you have a good reason to be pissed. in the meantime... stop taking stupidity as an ego blow. nobody should take being blown off as a blow to their ego. i'm sure you are a beautiful and sexy sistah. being stood up by an a.s.s will never take that away. and you should never let it make you feel like that... that i like giving away your power.
Pocky Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by blackchild THAT BASTARD! YOU GUYS CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE SOME WORDS TO HEAL THIS HEARTBREAK. THIS IS A BLOW TO MY EGO BECAUSE I AM A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY. I was stood up on my birthday by an FWB because he didn't feel like going and didn't bother to call me and tell me. Sometimes you just happen to cross paths with a jerk.
CurlyIam Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Think in terms of "one less jerk in my life". You know him, you've had your warning, so how about dedicating your free time and energy to the rest of the available new guys ;)!
Author blackchild Posted May 8, 2005 Author Posted May 8, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Think in terms of "one less jerk in my life". You know him, you've had your warning, so how about dedicating your free time and energy to the rest of the available new guys ;)! he called me the next day but i haven't home to answer the phone and my cell phone was turned off because the battery died. should i call him back to see what he wanted even though he called like two days ago?
moimeme Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 Yes. For all you know, he had to accompany someone to the hospital in an emergency. As noname said, first find out before you assume he stood you up for no good reason. Stuff happens. My husband of the time 'stood me up' once - because he'd been hit by a truck and was in hospital.
Author blackchild Posted May 8, 2005 Author Posted May 8, 2005 if that was the case ( and believe me you have a good point) why is it that he didn't try to call me more than just that one little time the day after? to me that says that he really doesn't care. i really want to call him and ask him why he stood me up but i don't want to sound like i'm licking the crack of his ass. how do i get my ponit across without sounding disparate?
JanieQP Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 Originally posted by blackchild how do i get my ponit across without sounding disparate? What is your point? And how motivated is he to understand it anyway? From what you've posted, it doesn't seem like he's all that into you, and every effort you make is setting him up to diss you further. Girl, there are lots of wonderful men out there who will see your good qualities and show you respect. Please make room for them by sweeping this guy out of your life. (And no, I wouldn't call him back. It sounds to me like he's power tripping a little, enjoying you feeding his ego and wanting to keep you on the line, tossing you little bits here and there to keep you hooked.)
moimeme Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 why is it that he didn't try to call me more than just that one little time the day after? Maybe he's still in hospital. Or somebody he loves is. Or he took your lack of reply to mean you were ticked at him. Or he thinks you got hit by a truck and is wondering when you'll call him. Here's a wild idea - ask him. to me that says that he really doesn't care. Don't assume things. Only asses assume. If you go about feeling insulted by people who haven't even insulted you, you'll have a miserable life indeed. Find out first before you flip. i really want to call him and ask him why he stood me up but i don't want to sound like i'm licking the crack of his ass. how do i get my ponit across without sounding disparate? That's bogus. There's nothing DESPERATE about finding out what happened. It's common courtesy for someone to offer an explanation if he misses an appointment. You have a right to know what happened and he did try to call you already. So return the call. Wait to hear what he has to say. If he doesn't offer an explanation, then ask. People are so damn scared of appearing 'weak' it's sick. Just ask the question.
Author blackchild Posted May 8, 2005 Author Posted May 8, 2005 my point is that i'm furious at the fact that he didn't bother to call and tell me that he couldn't make it and that he didn't want to come he should've just told me that he wasn't feeling all that up to it! he's been honest this whole time why not be honest now? RESPECT is not a difficult thing to ask for. if he isn't interested in me i would rather him let me know. but he's so damn wishy-washy that i cannot tell. he keeps telling me that he wants to be with me but is not ready for a relationship (and don't get me wrong i'm fine with that) he's the one who approached me, so why does it seem like he has me hooked?
moimeme Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 my point is that i'm furious at the fact that he didn't bother to call and tell me that he couldn't make it Once again, until you find out what happened, you cannot assume that 'he didn't bother to call'. Now, you can get yourself into a lather about this only to find out there was a perfectly good reason and you've wasted all this angst for nothing or you can wait until you find out what happened and then decide how to react. It's your heart attack.
faux Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 First of all, don't ever shout in your posts again; it is annoying. Shouting is typing in all capital letters. If this guy has a habit of disappearing and not showing up, I would think he just isn't interested in you. You should just move on and go look for someone else. Being a beautiful young lady is just one of many things a man might be looking for in a woman. Everyone's ego gets damaged; if this didn't happen we might all be jerks.
noname Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 ummm. piggyback time... Originally posted by moimeme Here's a wild idea - ask him. Don't assume things. People are so damn scared of appearing 'weak' it's sick. there are two kinds of pride. one that you should not let go for anyone and the other that you mistake for the first. the first one allows you to live life with dignity... the latter just makes you look like a stubborn ass and has great potential to leave you awful lonely... again find out first and then decide from there. there is nothing "ass-crack licking-like" about wanting to know. in fact that is half of what is killing you and you know it. in all actuality, you can find out and drop him later if you feel it is necessary. all i know is you are going to feel pretty guilty if you find out he had a good reason...
Author blackchild Posted May 8, 2005 Author Posted May 8, 2005 i know i took your advice about asking him. i called only to get a voicemail, so i left a message asking him to call me back with an explanation (i asked nicely also) this was last night i did this. so far i haven't gotten a response back ( but then again this is Mother's Day) what do i do now? A. let it go, and potentially miss out on a great guy B. be persistent in my quest for the truth?
moimeme Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 Wait for a reply. This is Mother's Day. If his choice is between 1. ticking you off and 2. ticking Mom off, I'm afraid Mom wins. She can give him a lot more grief for a lot longer.
HotCaliGirl Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by blackchild i know i took your advice about asking him. i called only to get a voicemail, so i left a message asking him to call me back with an explanation (i asked nicely also) this was last night i did this. so far i haven't gotten a response back ( but then again this is Mother's Day) what do i do now? A. let it go, and potentially miss out on a great guy B. be persistent in my quest for the truth? PLEASE get over him! I wish you hadn't called and on top of it left a nice message! instead of calling him an a-hole and telling him to please not call you again. It will just give him tme to come up with a nice excuse that it sounds like you are waiting to hear. The truth is that he was either with another girl and even if he wasn't, that he was not into you enough and didn't respect you enough to keep his word to see you. At the very least he could've canceled, but he didn't have the balls to make a lame excuse to bail and now he doesn't even have the decency to leave a voicemail explaining anything like "sorry I flaked, please give me another chance." or "sorry I couldn't make it, I got into a car accident and my limbs are in a cast at the hospital." On top of it, YOU are trying to make excuses for him! Well, it's mother's day today so he doesn't have time to call. Come on girl, get real! I've had time to spend with my mom, plus post this long response to you. It doesn't take more than 20 seconds for him to call you. I wish you would move on instead of trying to fix a messed up inconsiderate guy who's not very interested in you, into someone you'd like him to be.
moimeme Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 One ought never accuse without having all the information. People do change. She said they've been all right lately. So what, exactly, is wrong with giving the guy a chance to explain himself?
HotCaliGirl Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 He's already had 2 days to do it but failed to. Plus, based on past behavior, he's just repeating himself. I think she deserves a better man and shouldn't waste any more time on him.
noname Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 i think it was very mature of you to call and ask. once you get your real answer, you can cut him if you are inclined to do so... and breathe... life is too short to getting this upset over petty b-ll sh-t...
HotCaliGirl Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by noname ... life is too short to getting this upset over petty b-ll sh-t... For those of us who don't have b-sht in our lives, we are just sharing our tactics to keep things that way. When you smell sh**, why deal with it instead of moving on? Unless you like drama and BS, you can spend the next few months dealing with this cra*. Then there are the rest of us who don't deal with flakes and disrespectful people. You can choose the type of people you want in your life, the longer you keep this jerk, the more involved you're going to allow him to be in your life. I wouldn't be surprised down the line when again you post that he stood you up! It's already been more than once and I wouldn't have even given it a second chance to begin with so you can choose the advice you WANT to hear or the right thing to do. Yup, 2 days is two days too long. I wouldn't even put up with this personally the same night he didn't show up, but to be nice I thought she should still put up with a lame-ass excuse the next day, which this being day 3 I doubt he has done yet. Life is too short to put up with petty BS that ends up getting you so upset!
moimeme Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Life is too short to put up with petty BS that ends up getting you so upset! Life is WAY too short to go around wearing a BS radar turned up so high you're constantly pissed off at everyone for everything. Much better to chill, ask questions, and get mad IF it turns out there actually is something to get mad about. But hey, if you want to go off getting mad over stuff that may not have happened and imagined insults, it's your heart attack.
tokyo Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 I agree with Moimeme and HotCaliGirl. Two days are too long, but in dubio pro reo. I would be upset, but still call him to see what his explanation is. In general though people have lame excuses and don't really care that they stood you up. And people with a history of not sticking to their words tend to be very reluctant to change, because often they don't see their wrongdoing as the rest of their friends also does it and they would not even really appreciate it if you called to cancel a date.
Author blackchild Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 thank you so much moimeme and hotcaligirl for your advice. Moimeme i did try yor advice last night (again) because i couldn't sleep. when i called him he put me straight to his voicemail. that to me told me everything i needed to know about him. I blame myself because when first meeting him i decided to be myself (a sweet girl with a sweet face) instead of being a cold-hearted bitch and pretending not to like him as much as he like me. i have an older brother and i know for sure that guys like a girl they cannot get know matter how pretty or average they look. I know this works because i know his ex-girlfriend and she's a hard-ass, plus she's not exactly beautiful (not to hate) that's it this soft sweet girl in going to turn into a sweet looking girl with a hard edge. i'm so sick of making excuses for a**h***s and i'm tired of being nice to people who do not deserve it. i've had my heart broken for the last time ladies and it's all because of your excellent advice! Hotcaligirl you seemed like you were pissed in your message. i take it you can relate strongly to what i've been through lately. I'm so glad that you guys responded to my post. it shows me that some people really do care. anyways i'm done with this a**h***! he had a little wewe anyways! (honestly!)
Author blackchild Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by blackchild thank you so much moimeme and hotcaligirl for your advice. Moimeme i did try yor advice last night (again) because i couldn't sleep. when i called him he put me straight to his voicemail. that to me told me everything i needed to know about him. I blame myself because when first meeting him i decided to be myself (a sweet girl with a sweet face) instead of being a cold-hearted bitch and pretending not to like him as much as he like me. i have an older brother and i know for sure that guys like a girl they cannot get know matter how pretty or average they look. I know this works because i know his ex-girlfriend and she's a hard-ass, plus she's not exactly beautiful (not to hate) that's it this soft sweet girl in going to turn into a sweet looking girl with a hard edge. i'm so sick of making excuses for a**h***s and i'm tired of being nice to people who do not deserve it. i've had my heart broken for the last time ladies and it's all because of your excellent advice! Hotcaligirl you seemed like you were pissed in your message. i take it you can relate strongly to what i've been through lately. I'm so glad that you guys responded to my post. it shows me that some people really do care. anyways i'm done with this a**h***! he had a little wewe anyways! (honestly!) oh yeah kooky sorry i left you out thanks!
Recommended Posts