veganpilot Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I am sometimes unavailable to him and change plans last minute as well (But that is because I am busy genuinely or I don't feel like it). Once I told him I would not be free until three weeks later and that I cannot attend his concert. However, lately, he changes plans last minute as well. BUT he does make a backup plan and has an excuse for it. He would always ask if I am free on a certain day. But does this sound genuine? "Hey him I think I'm gonna pass today sowwy feeling kinda **** from last night and having a **** day as well. You free any time next week at all?"
mrldii Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I am sometimes unavailable to him and change plans last minute as well (But that is because I am busy genuinely or I don't feel like it). Once I told him I would not be free until three weeks later and that I cannot attend his concert. However, lately, he changes plans last minute as well. BUT he does make a backup plan and has an excuse for it. He would always ask if I am free on a certain day. But does this sound genuine? "Hey him I think I'm gonna pass today sowwy feeling kinda **** from last night and having a **** day as well. You free any time next week at all?" Wait. What? When you do it, it's "genuine"; when he does it, it's fishy? Yeah. Good luck with that. Oh, and when I say "Good luck", I'm offering it to him. 12
katiegrl Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 (edited) I am sometimes unavailable to him and change plans last minute as well (But that is because I am busy genuinely or I don't feel like it). Once I told him I would not be free until three weeks later and that I cannot attend his concert. However, lately, he changes plans last minute as well. BUT he does make a backup plan and has an excuse for it. He would always ask if I am free on a certain day. But does this sound genuine? "Hey him I think I'm gonna pass today sowwy feeling kinda **** from last night and having a **** day as well. You free any time next week at all?" He is just giving you a taste of your OWN medicine. He probably got sick of YOU cancelling/rescheduling and YOU being unavailable so often. He does not offer to reschedule for fear you won't be available anyway so why bother rescheduling? To be frank, isn't it obvious? It also sounds like he may have lost interest due to your unavailability and casual /elusive attitude. Edited August 1, 2015 by katiegrl 12
newmoon Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 so you can do it but he can't? okay. good luck with this relationship. 1
Author veganpilot Posted August 1, 2015 Author Posted August 1, 2015 He did plan for a reschedule. He asked me if I was free next week. We never got to see each other much. He was always the guy that says "catch up soon" or "we should see each other again", etc, but I was busy for three weeks and could not under all circumstances see him. I told him that and did not get a reply. So after three weeks he was happy to see me. But I needed to go on a holiday annd he seemed really disappointed amd sad that I was leaving. Then after 4 weeks , I wanted to see him again. And we agreed on meeting up next week.
rocketman122 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 if you did it to me, I would give u 3 strikes then youre out. you get what you give. hes just as "genuine" as you are- a "genuine" flake. 4
xcupid Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I am sometimes unavailable to him and change plans last minute as well (But that is because I am busy genuinely or I don't feel like it). Once I told him I would not be free until three weeks later and that I cannot attend his concert. However, lately, he changes plans last minute as well. BUT he does make a backup plan and has an excuse for it. He would always ask if I am free on a certain day. But does this sound genuine? "Hey him I think I'm gonna pass today sowwy feeling kinda **** from last night and having a **** day as well. You free any time next week at all?" Seems like he should accept your unavailability but you don't accept his. You don't seem to make him a priority. I would hazard a guess that he's not making you a priority because you're not available enough. How can you expect things to progress if you're always busy? Doesn't look like this "relationship" will work out very well in the long run unless things change drastically. 3
katiegrl Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 He did plan for a reschedule. He asked me if I was free next week. We never got to see each other much. He was always the guy that says "catch up soon" or "we should see each other again", etc, but I was busy for three weeks and could not under all circumstances see him. I told him that and did not get a reply. So after three weeks he was happy to see me. But I needed to go on a holiday annd he seemed really disappointed amd sad that I was leaving. Then after 4 weeks , I wanted to see him again. And we agreed on meeting up next week. Good attempt at trying to justify your own flakiness. Try looking at it from HIS perspective. You admitted yourself you often times cancelled because "you didn't feel like it." Well now HE doesn't feel like it ....and I say good for him! Anyhoo, you asked why he is behaving this way, and we told you. So what are you going to do about it? If you are really into him, I would suggest YOU start stepping up to plate, start initiating, and stop cancelling. If you are just too busy to get together, or too tired and/or just don't feel like it, then frankly you have no business making dates in the first place. 2
Author veganpilot Posted August 1, 2015 Author Posted August 1, 2015 I really want to change. My career is killing me. But also, I want to see him but want to give him as much space as possible. I would hate to look like a stage 5 clinger and have him end up disinterested because I am doing all the work. I don't ask him out unless he does not message me for 2 weeks. I feel that he may not like the fact that I am often unavailable. How can I get him to text me more and ask me out? I told him once that every girl wants a perfect relationship where the guy was completely committed to her and this is not possible. He told me in a relationship, trust was the most important and he would have no problem committing if he really liked that person. I felt like an ass for saying that because I thought he was not looking for a commitment. I then proceeded to agree with him, but also said space was the most important and that I used to have stage 5 clinger that texted and called me 7 Times a day non stop like that "Kevin JJ text sequel".
MissBee Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I am sometimes unavailable to him and change plans last minute as well (But that is because I am busy genuinely or I don't feel like it). Once I told him I would not be free until three weeks later and that I cannot attend his concert. However, lately, he changes plans last minute as well. BUT he does make a backup plan and has an excuse for it. He would always ask if I am free on a certain day. But does this sound genuine? "Hey him I think I'm gonna pass today sowwy feeling kinda **** from last night and having a **** day as well. You free any time next week at all?" I'm confused...you are unavailable sometimes and change plans last minute because you're genuinely busy or don't feel like....but you have a problem if he changes plans as well even though he makes back up plans? I'm sorry. I don't get it. He, like you, is free to not feel like it or be busy as well. 1
katiegrl Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I really want to change. My career is killing me. But also, I want to see him but want to give him as much space as possible. I would hate to look like a stage 5 clinger and have him end up disinterested because I am doing all the work. I don't ask him out unless he does not message me for 2 weeks. I feel that he may not like the fact that I am often unavailable. How can I get him to text me more and ask me out? I told him once that every girl wants a perfect relationship where the guy was completely committed to her and this is not possible. He told me in a relationship, trust was the most important and he would have no problem committing if he really liked that person. I felt like an ass for saying that because I thought he was not looking for a commitment. I then proceeded to agree with him, but also said space was the most important and that I used to have stage 5 clinger that texted and called me 7 Times a day non stop like that "Kevin JJ text sequel". Well first you need to show him (via your actions) that YOU are committed at least committed to being consistent, scheduling dates and NOT flaking! You were so busy trying to be the *cool chick* who was independent, making sure you gave him plenty of *space* so as not to appear *clingy* and turn him off ....that you went overboard in the other direction, appearing so unavailable (and disinterested) ... that you ended up turning him off for THAT. You need to step up. Let him know when you are available, schedule a definitive date and time and DON'T cancel! Do this for awhile and hopefully his interest/trust will return and he will start pursuing you again. 2
Author veganpilot Posted August 1, 2015 Author Posted August 1, 2015 Yeah I don't usually make back plans and I am usually the one that ends the conversation first. So for now, I have to show that I am into him and because it was my bad in the first place, I should do all the chasing/making plans? How can I do that without looking desperate? I really hope I can get his trust back. He used to message and text me a lot. I want him back
katiegrl Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 (edited) Yeah I don't usually make back plans and I am usually the one that ends the conversation first. So for now, I have to show that I am into him and because it was my bad in the first place, I should do all the chasing/making plans? How can I do that without looking desperate? I really hope I can get his trust back. He used to message and text me a lot. I want him back No one said anything about chasing or making all the plans! Where did you get that? He asked you to let him know when you are available. So let him know and don't cancel! Let him know you are looking forward to seeing him...it's been awhile. Four weeks, right? How is this chasing and making all the plans? Sheesh girl you need to get over this hang up you have in thinking all men want a *challenge* and to chase (an unavailable girl). And that he will get turned off once he knows you're into him. Only commitment phobes and *players* feel that way. Unless you wish to only attract commitment phobes or players, I would strongly suggest you learn to be reliable, consistent, and not a flake. It is okay, even good, to reciprocate. And even initiate sometimes! That is NOT chasing! It is called being interested and conveying that to the man you are interested in. Edited August 1, 2015 by katiegrl
Author veganpilot Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 But He might be a player. The reason why I am concerned about him cancelling is because he may have cancelled because another girl or higher importance decided to ask him out on that day. And that he is happy that she has done so. He said he has a lot of female friends and I am fine with that. But my mom told me that men and women can never be friends so that makes him a player
Author veganpilot Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 How can I know if he is a player?
Amalyn Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 This guy is not a player. This guy is cancelling on you because you cancelled on him...repeatedly. I couldn't take this kind of relationship. 3
brok3npromise Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Am I missing something here??? This guy cancelling last minute on you = not OK You cancelling on him last minute = totally acceptable & genuine He's doing to you what you did to him. The shoe is on the other foot now and you don't like it. 1
Author veganpilot Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 The reason why I am regarded as "flaky" aside from being genuinely busy (working on my career) is the fact I think he's a player. He has a lot of photos with girls suggestively on FB but he stopped uploading those pictures after we went on our first date. He also deleted his dating profile and wanted me to meet his friends. Told me he doesn't sleep around and are friends with girls before being on a relationship with them. He never checks out other women with me or goes on his phone besides from showing me something. This guy has asked about my future, career, hobbies, interests, my family and even the weather. He asks me if I feel okay from time to time. Once, a girl flirted with him and I went outside to bin a drink but he left that girl immediately then followed me. He told me trust is the most important part of the relationship and commitment is not an issue for him. Plus he was worried I'd never come back after leaving for a holiday. BUT I think he says this to every single girl. One girl posted on his wall asking why he had not messaged him in a long time and she misses him.
Author veganpilot Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 We've been on three dates but we talk online. But now it has been 2 months since I have met him.
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