jay1983 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I agree! So get creative! Frankly, sitting across a table at an expensive restaurant isn't all that exciting either! A bar with craft beer, junk food and sports! The alcohol is what makes you loosen up and get comfortable.
Gary S Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Yes, coffee dates are lame - that's like a business meeting. Take them to dinner - you sometimes need 45 minutes to really gauge attraction anyway - and you have to eat three meals a day anyway, might as well kill two birds with one stone. 2
RoseVille Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 A bar with craft beer, junk food and sports! The alcohol is what makes you loosen up and get comfortable. Depends on if that's something she's into. I would be, but many of my girlfriends have straight up turned the guy down after he suggested a sports bar. And IME, they often do pay more attention to one of the millions of screens than their date. And junk food? Meh. 1
Gary S Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Frankly, sitting across from each other at an expensive restaurant isn't all that exciting either! - It depends on who you are with... if you are falling for the person and they have a personality, it could be exciting (any resturant)! 2
RoseVille Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 - It depends on who you are with... if you are falling for the person and they have a personality, it could be exciting (any resturant)! It actually should be fun. Sharing a meal with someone you're interested in should be fun. If it's not, that's all you need to know. But I don't even enjoy getting coffee with great friends. It's like... just sitting there.
jay1983 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Yes, coffee dates are lame - that's like a business meeting. . That's exactly what it feels like, a job interview. Depends on if that's something she's into. I would be, but many of my girlfriends have straight up turned the guy down after he suggested a sports bar. And IME, they often do pay more attention to one of the millions of screens than their date. And junk food? Meh. You don't indulge in burgers, pizza or samplers once or twice a week? And what do your girlfriends like?
alphamale Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I don't like doing coffee that sh*t is boring. well if you are a cheap-skate and don't want to spend money then its perfect 1
HereNorThere Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 You can really mess up a first impression coming off cheap. Even if you grab coffee and go for a walk around the park, maybe feed the ducks, something kinda out the ordinary, it helps. It's really important to actually have an activity to do. It helps kill the awkward moments. No one likes feeling out on the spot the entire time. You have to break that interview feel. 1
Shining One Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 It's drinks (at a spot with potential for appetizers).The alcohol is what makes you loosen up and get comfortable.Always keep the venue in mind when it comes to drinks. It sucks when your date consumes three $30 martinis and then tells you she would like to be friends.
jay1983 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Always keep the venue in mind when it comes to drinks. It sucks when your date consumes three $30 martinis and then tells you she would like to be friends. You mean $30 a piece or $30 worth?
Shining One Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 You mean $30 a piece or $30 worth?$30 each. They are chilled with liquid nitrogen.
jay1983 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 $30 each. They are chilled with liquid nitrogen. Damn, where you be drinking at? And who you be dating, super model gold diggers? Last I went out the martinis were $10, some $12.
HereNorThere Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 $30 each. They are chilled with liquid nitrogen. FYI - not to sound like anyone's mom, but those drinks can actually really hurt you. You should google around, but there's people who have had to have their stomachs removed from drinking them. Teenager's stomach removed after drinking cocktail - BBC Newsbeat
Shining One Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Damn, where you be drinking at?This was at Barton G.And who you be dating, super model gold diggers?She was a woman I met on Match. This was our second date. Not everyone is considerate with other people's money.FYI - not to sound like anyone's mom, but those drinks can actually really hurt you. You should google around, but there's people who have had to have their stomachs removed from drinking them.I'm aware of the dangers. I don't drink them.
Author mjkcal Posted August 1, 2015 Author Posted August 1, 2015 Yes, coffee dates are lame - that's like a business meeting. Take them to dinner - you sometimes need 45 minutes to really gauge attraction anyway - and you have to eat three meals a day anyway, might as well kill two birds with one stone. Nice in thought, but poor in practice in my experience. After you've been out a few times or know them before the first date, sure. If it's someone you are meeting online for the first time, you are just opening yourself up to all that's been discussed about being used. If you have a lot of money, I can see where it wouldn't matter. I've had a lot of success with first meet activity dates such as walks, going to a museum, playing Frisbee surprisingly, etc. The more I've thought about this, I think I dug my own grave on this one. She was very intent on eating out from the get go, and I went along with it. The red flags were there that she was a user, and I just didn't pay attention.
jay1983 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 (edited) This was at Barton G.She was a woman I met on Match. This was our second date. Not everyone is considerate with other people's money.I'm aware of the dangers. I don't drink them. Damn dude, I can't believe you took her somewhere so expensive on your second date. Was she even hot? Edit: The prices ain't even on the menu. That's when you know it's expensive. Edited August 1, 2015 by jay1983
Shining One Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Damn dude, I can't believe you took her somewhere so expensive on your second date.Poor planning on my part. I didn't expect her to go for the most expensive drinks on the menu. The non-liquid nitrogen martinis are less than half the cost. By comparison, I treated a friend there for her birthday about three months ago. She drank less than $30 worth.Was she even hot?I found her attractive, but opinions vary. My friends don't think she was. In any case, my point remains: If you're going out for drinks, be selective of the venue. Lady drinks tend to be more expensive than man drinks and they can add up fairly quickly.
fitnessfan365 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 - But you don't want to be downright cheap or suggest she get the next one. This mindset is why guys are in this situation to begin with. The ironic thing is that you often hear women say they wouldn't mind contributing. But guys are terrified of looking cheap. So they always insist on paying and eventually a woman stops offering. Yet, these will be the same guys who turn around and complain about it..LOL But what I want, is for women born in the 90's to stop saying how "old fashioned" they are. This may have applied to their grandmas and maybe even their mom's. However, when a college educated woman w-a good job under 30 starts saying she expects a guy to always pay, it grates on me. 1
katiegrl Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 - It depends on who you are with... if you are falling for the person and they have a personality, it could be exciting (any resturant)! I agree, but I said expensive restaurants, for me they are too formal, but somewhere casual where we can share a bunch of different appetizers, or a tapas restaurant ...they're the best!
HereNorThere Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I just want to bring up the fact that "expensive" is relative to your financial situation. For me, it's not unusual to drop 2 or 300 dollars (USD) for a nice evening, but as a college student, 20 to 30 dollars was a lot. Some friends of mine enjoy bottle service and make my 2 or 300 look cheap, lol. You can't really compare what's expensive because it depends on your income level. 2
guest569 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I'm usually one to pay half unless he insists. Once I paid for both mine and his cake and coffee for the first date and he just stood there and watched me do so. He asked me out. I'm not his mother. I've arrived at a bar once where the man who asked me out had already started drinking without me, which I found rude and bizarre. I walked in and started chatting to him and he said 'aren't you getting a drink?' so I went and bought myself a drink.I have done 'the walk' with an ex as soon as we met up, and I was very nervous and off we set walking through the bustling city which made me even more nervous and I found it hard to hear and focus on my date. We went back and had a coffee, I have nothing wrong with sitting in a cosy cafe where I feel like it's just me and my date and we can talk for hours on end. If a person doesn't like my company unless they are 'doing something' then it's probably not a good match.Another time I sat and had a drink with a guy and then we walked through the park on a beautiful day in Spring. That was nice. I think because we had that time initially to sit and have a proper conversation. I think that having an entire first date consisting of walking around dodging crowds whilst trying to eat an ice cream is not for me. I find it stupid that a woman can't pay her half without basically saying "I don't like you and will never see you again" I would find it frustrating to be with a man who will never ever let me pay for anything. He would have to learn and accept that I am paying or it might be a deal breaker.When you start analysing dates in terms of who paid how much in comparison with interest levels and sex, it's time to quit. How many first unsuccessful dates are you going on to actually be so out of pocket? Maybe that is the issue here.What the hell is this liquid nitrogen drink and people having STOMACHS REMOVED?????
ascendotum Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 (edited) Income or gender has nothing to do with it either. If I asked for the date, I will pay. Your logic is faulty, OP. What I'm hearing you say is that you're only willing to pay if the girl is interested in seeing you again. Like paying for her stuff is some kind of a reward for her willingness to dating you. If that's what you are conveying to these girls you go out with, no wonder they aren't interested in further dates. Well who wants to spend $ on someone that has no interest in you. I have better things to spend my money on, like myself. I wouldn't call it a reward more like a fee to have the women consider you. Most resentment over the paying for dates issue I expect will likely come from the less successful 50% of guys than the more successful 50% as the women will be less enthusiastic for them, so they will clock up more 'go no where' dates. My principle is whoever asked out should pay, but the reality of dating and if you want an attractive women (she has options) 95% of the time its going to be the guy asking her out, and also likely the 2nd and 3rd dates. I worked in finance and heard numerous end of week convos from some of the women about their plans for the weekend and often they were going on dates with guys they were 'meh whatever' over but were still going to go out for the entertainment. The guys knew the women were on good money so would lash out to impress. Of course the guys didn't know they were simply spending $ to give the woman something to do, but in cases like that I can see the OPs perspective (especially when some of these women were seeing nsa no $ spent guys). Edited August 1, 2015 by ascendotum
jay1983 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Men and women date, but only one pays, the man. Dems' da rules, mang! If you find a woman who will pay her fair share, she's a good one, marry her. I completely missed this. This is gold.
HereNorThere Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 [*]What the hell is this liquid nitrogen drink and people having STOMACHS REMOVED????? Grain alcohol (ethanol, ethyl alcohol) does not freeze at the same temperature as water, so it has to be super cooled. It's just a novelty, gimmicky trick to freeze liquor using something that's extremely cold. In most cases it's safe, but there have been people who have had adverse reactions to drinking frozen alcohol because something that cold can burn you. 1
Author mjkcal Posted August 1, 2015 Author Posted August 1, 2015 Well who wants to spend $ on someone that has no interest in you. I have better things to spend my money on, like myself. I wouldn't call it a reward more like a fee to have the women consider you. Most resentment over the paying for dates issue I expect will likely come from the less successful 50% of guys than the more successful 50% as the women will be less enthusiastic for them, so they will clock up more 'go no where' dates. My principle is whoever asked out should pay, but the reality of dating and if you want an attractive women (she has options) 95% of the time its going to be the guy asking her out, and also likely the 2nd and 3rd dates. I worked in finance and heard numerous end of week convos from some of the women about their plans for the weekend and often they were going on dates with guys they were 'meh whatever' over but were still going to go out for the entertainment. The guys knew the women were on good money so would lash out to impress. Of course the guys didn't know they were simply spending $ to give the woman something to do, but in cases like that I can see the OPs perspective (especially when some of these women were seeing nsa no $ spent guys). That is where I'm coming from. If by the end of the date she has an interest in me and still and wants to go out again, I have no issue with her letting me pick up the whole check. But if she already knows she isn't interested, or never was such as the girls you described just wanting "entertainment" then it just really rubs me the wrong way that she's having me pick up the whole tab. It isn't right, in my opinion. As to only guys who aren't successful caring, I can't speak to that. According to the stats, I'm pretty damn successful. I certainly don't always feel that way though.
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