Keenly Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 A walk as a first date? Nope. You realize this comes across as shallow and materialistic right? The goal is not the activity itself. But to spend time together and get to know eachother. By denying that date request, you are basically telling him " please deposit 25 dollars for the next 30 minutes " 1
Author mjkcal Posted August 1, 2015 Author Posted August 1, 2015 I struggle with understanding why women go out with men they are not physically attracted to. But...if a woman finds herself on a date with a man she was initially unsure about and was trying to give it a chance, but determined on the first date that this was not going to work, she should most definitely pay for herself. That is exactly how I feel about it. I just think it's the nice, respectful thing to do, male or female. 1
Author mjkcal Posted August 1, 2015 Author Posted August 1, 2015 You realize this comes across as shallow and materialistic right? The goal is not the activity itself. But to spend time together and get to know eachother. By denying that date request, you are basically telling him " please deposit 25 dollars for the next 30 minutes " Yeah, precisely. A walk is a good screening filter honestly. If they really want to get to know you, why would they say no? Of course assuming it's a chosen safe area. Unfortunately, where I live no it's hot and cooking so it's tougher to suggest outdoors activities.
elaine567 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 If a woman suggested paying for her half and was insistent, would a man write her off as being totally uninterested in him? 1
Author mjkcal Posted August 1, 2015 Author Posted August 1, 2015 If a woman suggested paying for her half and was insistent, would a man write her off as being totally uninterested in him? I can only speak for myself, that it is a huge turn on if she does so. It shows she's confident, independent, and cares about paying her own way.
Empyrea Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I always offer to pay my half; if the guy insists or really wants to pay, then I don't force the issue, but I always expect to go dutch. Except if someone has really been pestering me for a date and I didn't necessarily feel like going, then I feel like it's polite for them to treat me. Especially if they choose the place, because sometimes it's a place that I couldn't normally afford. But equally, if I ask a guy out to the movies or something, then I usually pay for the both of us. Really, just use common sense and courtesy, it's not rocket science. But yes, I'm also baffled with girls that always assume the guy will pay for them - seriously, this is the 21st century after all. 1
alphamale Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Does anyone have any strategies to deal with this type of situation on a first date? yes, just meet for coffee. surely you can afford $2.00 1
Shining One Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 If a woman suggested paying for her half and was insistent, would a man write her off as being totally uninterested in him?I certainly wouldn't. I don't see accepting payment as a sign of interest, so I also don't see not accepting payment as a sign of disinterest.
Gary S Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Men and women date, but only one pays, the man. Dems' da rules, mang! If you find a woman who will pay her fair share, she's a good one, marry her. 1
Gaeta Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Yes I let the man pay our first meeting and it always cost him under $10 for the both of us. I am not gonna have a man spend money on me if I am not sure I want to see him again so I keep it to a coffee, ice cream, walk in a park etc. The 3rd date is always on me from A to Z. I make it clear before we leave home this is on me. Even then rarely a man let me pay for everything he often insisted on paying a little something like parking or desert. I don't like going dutch. I much prefer it's each our turn to pay a date. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I don't like going dutch. I much prefer it's each our turn to pay a date. I agree. Dutch is unbelievably tacky in my opinion. It's one thing when you're out with your lady friends and you're all divvying up the bill and counting out your share. It's quite another when you're on a supposed date, doing the same thing. Makes it feel like you just had a meal with your roommate. I'm from an older generation and we did things differently. A few years ago when I was dating, I never ONCE had a man who accepted my offer to pay. Not once. There were even a couple of old school Italians (think North Jersey Soprano types! lol) who were horribly offended that I dared to even suggest it. But again, we were raised in a different era where the woman wasn't expected to pay. 3
fitnessfan365 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Start planning first meets/dates that are really low key and inexpensive/free. 1) There are women who use online dating for free meals and entertainment/having their ego stroked. So it will test their intentions. If she's genuine and on the level, she won't care. 2) It takes the pressure off of you and your date. You won't be worried about money and she won't be worried that you'll expect something extra just because you spent money on her. ** Also, if you've been seeing a girl for three dates, don't be afraid to say "You can get the next one". Then actually let her pay on the fourth date. Then every 2-3 dates you pay for, do the same thing. This sets a trend that you don't mind paying most of the time, but you won't date a freeloader either. I find it funny when guys complain about always paying, but they never actually saying anything to the women they're dating about it. 3
Gary S Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Start planning first meets/dates that are really low key and inexpensive/free. 1) There are women who use online dating for free meals and entertainment/having their ego stroked. So it will test their intentions. If she's genuine and on the level, she won't care. 2) It takes the pressure off of you and your date. You won't be worried about money and she won't be worried that you'll expect something extra just because you spent money on her. ** Also, if you've been seeing a girl for three dates, don't be afraid to say "You can get the next one". Then actually let her pay on the fourth date. Then every 2-3 dates you pay for, do the same thing. This sets a trend that you don't mind paying most of the time, but you won't date a freeloader either. I find it funny when guys complain about always paying, but they never actually saying anything to the women they're dating about it. - I agree with not spending much money on a woman when she's not your girlfriend (yet), but you don't want to be downright cheap or suggest she get the next one. Instead, I say don't do expensive dates or buy her gifts until you two are an item, that's all. The main thing though, is during dating, try to establish her intent.... is she really falling for you, or is she just dating you because she does not have a real love interest on her radar? You should try to weed the users out early.... if they won't kiss you on date one, text first after the date, or let you pick them up from home by date two, she's probably not interested, it's best to move on..... why bet on a horse that won't run? 1
Radu Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 That's not true. Here is one example. People can accept dates for various reasons despite not having interest in the other person. I wonder if she sees herself as just one short step from having been a full fledged prostitute/escort/sugar baby. Honestly, at least women in those professions are more ... honest with themselves.
Gary S Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 That's not true. Here is one example. People can accept dates for various reasons despite not having interest in the other person. - She sounds like a minor golddigger....... bronzedigger?!
Ruby Slippers Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 There were even a couple of old school Italians (think North Jersey Soprano types! lol) who were horribly offended that I dared to even suggest it. My man is Middle Eastern, and for the first 10 dates or more, I offered to pay, and even tried to covertly take the bill and pay. But he has insisted on paying for every single thing we've done together, everything we've bought for the house, since our first date. He even pays when I buy little things for mom, small birthday gifts for friends. If I want to pay for anything, I have to find creative ways to do it. He gave me the cutest look the first time I offered to pay for a nice dinner - raised his eyebrow and looked at me like I was crazy. And no, he doesn't have any attitude of "ownership" toward me whatsoever. But to speak to the OP's issue, I agree with you that it's tacky of a woman not to even offer to split the bill if she knows she's not interested. I think it's a tough call when she is interested. I always offer, because I don't want to be presumptuous, but some men (generally more traditional, which I like best) seem to find it offensive or improper that I even suggest such a thing. One guy even asked why I would offer, suggesting it must mean I don't like him that much. I agree with the advice to do free or low-cost first meets/dates. And I think a walk is a great idea for a first date. A walk in a nature preserve or along the beach is a wonderful way to spend some time with a new person and see if you click. I far prefer such a date to sitting at a table.
HereNorThere Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Whether you like it or not, evolutionary speaking, the men are the hunters, the providers. The modern day equivalent is swiping your card on the first few dates. I think it's a nice gesture when women offer or insists on splitting it, but most chicks aren't that way. It's just part of the game. A pretty cruel, expensive part but that's the way it is.
katiegrl Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 (edited) Whether you like it or not, evolutionary speaking, the men are the hunters, the providers. The modern day equivalent is swiping your card on the first few dates. I think it's a nice gesture when women offer or insists on splitting it, but most chicks aren't that way. It's just part of the game. A pretty cruel, expensive part but that's the way it is. Fair enough and probably true. So for a first meet/date, or even the first few dates, he should pay but keep the dates casual and inexpensive as has been suggested. So he is not out a fortune if it turns out the woman is not into him...or he discovers HE isn't into her! He should not feel he needs to impress her with expensive dinners, shows, etc in order to *win* her affection. His personality and the mutual chemistry they share should be enough. Those things don't cost any money! Edited August 1, 2015 by katiegrl
RoseVille Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 That's not true. Here is one example. People can accept dates for various reasons despite not having interest in the other person. An exception, an exception which proves the rule.
kendahke Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 A first meeting and a first date should always be two separate events. A first meeting, you should both pay for what you consume. I know I do--in fact, I arrive early and get my coffee and wait for him to come in. 9 times out of 10, he doesn't get himself anything--he just sits there and chats with me. If it turns out that we like each other's company enough to take things further, then a date is planned and in my experience on those, when I reach for my wallet, I'm told to put it away. I will offer to get the tip, but more than likely, he'll tell me not to worry about it. I generally leave those first dates hopeful. Text him a "had a great time, let's meet up soon" message with a "yeah, I'll call you this week to set things up"... then radio silence on his end. Ah well, beez that way sometimes.
katiegrl Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Fair enough and probably true. So for a first meet/date, or even the first few dates, he should pay but keep the dates casual and inexpensive as has been suggested. So he is not out a fortune if it turns out the woman is not into him...or he discovers HE isn't into her! ***He should not feel he needs to impress her with expensive dinners, shows, etc in order to *win* her affection. His personality and the mutual chemistry they share should be enough to impress her.*** . Those things don't cost any money! ^^And if his personality and the mutual chemistry they share (IF they share) isn't enough to *impress* her, it should be next! 1
RoseVille Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I don't like doing coffee that sh*t is boring. Agreed. It's drinks (at a spot with potential for appetizers), 99% of the time for me. Plus, I don't caffeinate after about 3pm. 1
HereNorThere Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Yup, coffee is like a job interview. It's best to actually have an activity to so that you don't have to sit there staring at each other. Even something as simple as dinner at least give you a menu to look at during those awkward moments and also gives you something to talk about.
katiegrl Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I don't like doing coffee that sh*t is boring. I agree! So get creative! Frankly, sitting across from each other at an expensive restaurant isn't all that exciting either!
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