Tripgoddess Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 [font=times new roman][/font][color=indigo][/color] I was reading through some old topics of discussion and found something I thought to be questionable. It got me to thinking about my relationship and where it's heading and/or not heading for that matter. It was in regards to the girl who said she put a deadline on her boyfriend on the matter of proposal. It was not her entry that has me wondering but the replies she received from it instead. The thing is this: a few people agreed with one of the replier's advice, as do I, here's the question. If it's true that someone should know if or not they want to marry you by six months into a relationship, how should you respond if the person your with after 8 months, and having already moved into together, still say's he doesn't know if he wants to marry you? I want to be married. I want security and the comfort in knowing he wants me the same way I want him. He's knows this and his defense is inpenatrable. 'He wants to take his time, be sure.' Rather smart thinking really. But wouldn't he be leaning either way by now? I know, I know, bit of an over analyzer. This is not one of my stronger traits. I love him, , and I want to let him go at his own pace, but that would mean discarding mine. Is he worth it? I suppose only I know that. Now a day's 8 months is an extremely short time frame. I suppose I am just asking If we are meant to spend the rest of our lives together wouldn't he know by now? "The only man that is worth my tears, won't have me wasting them on him" - my version, someone else's idea. Tripgoddess
SummerRae Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Hmmm, this is a tough one. (and I’m not even talking about the marriage part yet). Some guys take a while. My best friend, after 3 years of dating, basically had to tell her boyfriend to “shi! or get off the pot”! And it worked. Have you tried that??
Author Tripgoddess Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 I don't want to rush him. part of it is, if I do and he knows he doesn't want to marry me- ouch!! Thanks for your reply, anymore advice would be much abliged. Tripgoddess
SummerRae Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 sorry Tripgoddess, i was being silly. I'm silly this afternoon. Too much coffee. I know you don't want to rush him, so the only thing left to do is tell him how you feel. Best, Melissa
seahorse Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Personally I think 8 months is still too soon to know. I'm speaking from the other end of the marriage tunnel here and I lived with my ex for about 6 years before we got married and still, I never knew him as I thought I did. I feel that you intuitively know that he's not ready to commit. Who needs marriage anyway? A piece of paper doesn't stop anyone from having an affair if that's what they really want to do. Just enjoy the moment. Sorry, I'm cynical, but also a realist.
mental_traveller Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Personally I wouldn't marry someone before living with them for at least one year. You just can't get to know someone's habits before then. Everyone is on their best behaviour early in a relationship, but the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with will only become apparent once you've had a few rows, discovered each other's bad habits, and settled into a routine of living together. IMO marrying before 1 year is risky at best, and pure folly at worst. Remember, you are going to be together for 40 years or more, touch wood. 8 months is hardly a long time. Your man is still with you after this long, and sounds like a sensible chap. If I were you I would stop nagging him and let him make his own mind up. If you want to give an ultimatum, then do so rather than analysing it back & forth, but I think you should wait longer before taking that drastic step.
moimeme Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 I totally, completely agree with mental_t . Who the heck said someone should know he wants to marry you after 6 months? That's real bad advice, IMHO.
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