jayzes Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Hi there I'll start from the beginning i guess (sry if my english is bad) I've been in a relationship with this girl for over 3 years, (i'm 23 and she's 21 right now). weve been broken up for 2 month now and im not sure what to do.. it all started a year ago; when i started to develop an anxiety disorder, it changed our lives completely. i had panic attacks all day long without any break from it, after a few months it also caused a depression it really was the darkest period of my life so far. i literally tought i was going to die every day for 6 months non stop. I had found a way to run away from it or at least have a break from it. I Started gaming allot, i don't know why but it made me forget about everything even if it was just for a while. my GF understood this that i needed this for a while. But i know that this period was very hard for her to because she didn't know what was happening to me and she couldn't do anything to help me. it realt left a dent on our relationship. But she pulled me trough. after 8 months or so I started to feel better i could think more sober again. But i've made the mistake that i kept gaming and didn't want to do stuff or taking any initiative. we would start arguing about stupid things and being irritated by each other. in this period she wanted to move forward and i wanted to recover from the hell i've just been trough. But i wanted to recover to long it became a habit, the lifestyle i had. after a while i starded to second guess our relationship. but i kept it for my self and tried to sort it out for my self. and after a couple of weeks i made my decision: NO this is the girl i want and this is the girl i want to keep! So i started to get out of the lazy life that became a habit. But the problem was that she started to act distant not angry or something but i felt like i was losing her. needles to say, a couple of weeks later she took the step to break up. we where both crying and saying that it sucked to be this way. but it still happened. I went in no contact with her for a month. until one day i visited her place to see her mother. but she came home unexpected i didn't know what to do so i fled the scene trough the backdoor so she wouldn't see me she knew i was there because my car was on the driveway. a day after i heard from her friends that she tought it was weird i reacted that way. So i sucked it up and went to see her. We had a 4 hour long talk about how the situation was at the time. It was really weird because we never had such a great talk. But the conclusion on her side was: that she was afraid that i would stay that lazy person for ever and that her feelings for me went away slowly for the last months. she said she knows by now that her "Doomscenario" is not thru because i got a descent job and i stopped gaming but it didn't took away the fact that her feeling went away. she also said that she still wants her in her life but she was afraid that she would friendzone me ( i said i didn't want that to happen ). She said maybe we'll be back together someday but not now. A couple of weeks went by and it was the day before her birthday i knew she had plans for her birthday so i asked if i could come to congratulate her, Sure she said. so i went to her and it was a friendly atmosphere we even joked around about the break up and even pretended how our future would be if we went back together. ( like it was bound to happen ). and then her mother came home but apparently the where having a fight for a couple of days and things heated up between them. i went for a smoke in the yard but i could hear somethings they where saying. but one thing stood out, her mother said something like: u cant live here forever or something like that bet then my ex said: maybe im back with "my name" togher by then so we can live together. after things eased down i asked her if she wanted to go for a drive because she was a bit upset. i took her to a nice calm place and we started talking. I don't know why but we kept talking how great our future would be together and those kind of things, but when i started to go in the direction of getting back together it self, she kept saying things like: it can't, not now, or ask again in half a year. she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. a week after she was going on vacation with friends and i made an powerpoint-ish video with pictures of great times an such with at the end: This is worth fighting for. i gave it to here and drove away. a half hour later she sent messages like: I was so sure of my cause and now your making me doubt. and the day after she even texted me a couple of times in a "want to get to know you all over again way" i realy tought that this was the start that would lead us back together. but then the day after it suddenly stopped ( i still dont know why ). a week went by while she was on vacation and i didn't want to push her or anything. but i made a surprise for her for when she came back. i heard from her mother that they had a long talk about me, that she had the feeling that she was being pushed ( wich i still think is weird because i left her alone that week ) and that she doesn't like to hurt me. she said that she know we would make a great couple and that i'm a great guy and that she wont find some one like me. and if she had a button to have those feelings again that she would push it. a couple of days after she texted me to thank me for the surprise and that she was really impressed. i replied: me: thanks but it didn't get the reaction i was hoping for it seems.. she: u cant expect i would run in to your arms again me: no ofc not but i hoped it would make u reconsider a litle bit she: its a litle to soon for that i think we texted a litle more but it ended with: She: The best thing is to let it rest for a while i think. me: it looks like we both need some time and i will give us that time note: we speak dutch so it wasn't literally like that and i haven't heard her since, this was 2 weeks a go i saw her on a birthday of a friend but i just friendly greeted her and after a said goodbye. so here's the situation: she knows that the reasons why we broke up aren't there any more she know that we could be a great couple and such. but she keeps saying things like: -Not now -I don't want to think about it -i don't want a relationship right now -maybe later -u still have the same chance as anyone else and her mother said that she is running from it, she keeps doing stuff to just not think about it. and she doesn't have the time to think about it because its summer vacation here and all here friends are free all the time. i think that if she will think about it, that it will be after the summer vacation when the "normal life" continues. and i just don't know what to do right now i'm afraid that if i let it rest for to long, that she will meet someone else, but i know i have to stop being "needy" because that pushes her even further away. What i'm planning on doing is to focus on work and save money to buy a place of my own. and keep showing that i want to go forward in the future so by the time she does start to think about it, she'll notice that i'm really not that lazy person that i was. and that she might reconsider. but like i said i'm really afraid of the tought that she might meet someone else.. and also note that we have allot of mutual friends so i'm bound to see her here and there. i don't know if that's good or bad to be honest. i really hope you guys could give a word of advice :s btw, she misses me and would like to see me but she doesn't do that because she does't want to give me hope and she doesn't want me to wait around for her ( witch i am afraid of of doing )
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