jason_mraz Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 It will be really pretty long post I guess, sorry about that. My girlfriend broke up with me around 1 and a half months ago. We dated for a little more than 1 year before breaking up. She’s moving to another college that I need to fly to. She also told me that her feelings for me changed and faded. As a matter of fact, before she made the decision to break up with me, she asked me not to contact her for a while before she makes the decision whether to stay in the college where we are studying in. This way she can decide what is best for her future without my influence and i agreed to that. After two weeks or so she arrived with this conclusion and realized she can’t drag me into this and gives me false hope. However she texted me telling me that she is still my friend and I can text her problems I face and share things with her as a friend. I guess like what other guys do, I begged and texted a lot of stuff. All she sees is that Im trying to guilt-trip her and make her sympathize with me, a big mistake. Just after that day, I asked her to skype her trying my last resort to convince her, as she broke up with me just on text. I thought if we talk face to face it might give me chance, but she’s really determined and as if she has lost all feelings for me. After that I just texted her like some random stuff through text to end talking not as abruptly. The day after that, after some calm thinking and reflection, I realized what I have done wrong in this relationship. I wrote her a long text about it, saying I just want her to know she taught me a lot and the things I shouldn't have done. She later replied with a long text saying it pains her that I finally realized now. She says stuff like I know you will be an amazing boyfriend in the future as I grow up. She also says she still believes that we met at the wrong time and wrong place. She then told me that she needs time alone so our friendship can grow. After that I just went to no contact.I have been trying the no contact until a week later. She first texted me about sending her back about her belonging, then she used the conversation to tell me how much she hates me. She said she saw me going out with friend on my friend's snap chat stories and that made her really pissed off. Can't stand it and thought she expected me to do something, I used everything to contact her again and even called her today. I thought she might have started missing me, so I tried to win her back. We talked and I tried to tell her that I realized all of the mistakes I ever made, how stubborn was I etc. She then asked me why I didn't realize while she still loved me and told me that she wish we never dated. She then pointed out all the wrong things I did. She hated it and she hates me now. I later send her a text that I agree with the breakup and ask her not to contact me for a while. That made her even more pissed off. She even sent me an hate email and told me why she would hate me forever and wished we never dated. I never replied to that. She deleted me on everything and even blocked my number I think. Now after a month and a half of no contact, I figured I am emotionally ready to talk to her again or at least like apologize to her. I am preparing to sent the following email. "How are you? It has been a while. During this period of time, I have come to realize and accept my responsibility for the mistakes that have led to the breakup. I apologize for being so stubborn and ignorant all the time even till the very end. You are right, sometimes people do not realize their faults until they have lost what matters the most. I'm sorry for all the pain I have inflicted to you and I regret the things I've done. After you got mad at me, I just panicked and thought you changed your mind. That was why I tried everything to talk to you and made it worse. I should have just respected your decision back then and perhaps we could still be friends. Now looking back at it, I was a complete mess and you have every single right to be mad at me. I just want you to know you have taught me a really important lesson in life, to understand and think more in others' perspectives, and many more. I sincerely thank you for being part of my life. Anyways, I hope you are having a great summer! I wish you all the best in your future endeavors!" What do you guys think?
coryreply Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Is this part of your attempt to win her back? What are you apologizing for, exactly?
Author jason_mraz Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 I'm not sure. I just want to at least open up the channel between us again. At least letting her not hate me again. I apologize for how I acted immaturely after the breakup, like constantly trying to get her back and apologized for the things that I have done wrong in the relationship. I don't really look for a reply to be honest. Of course I hope there will be, but if not I just want to let her know how I feel. I already sent the email lol. Can't wait
Author jason_mraz Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 and no reply... Kind of expected but still feel disappointed....
pa888 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Oh dear... I hope you have realized by now that sending the email was a terrible idea. You are both obviously young, I can tell just by the way you both have been responding to the break up. Breaking up over text was a very immature move on her part, and her being so hot and cold and saying things like she hates you is very immature as well. However you could have handled this much better as well. You said you are emotionally ready again and yet you emailing her apologizing again shows that you are not emotionally ready yet. She heard your apology twice already and there's nothing more you can do after that but leave her alone. You really need to go into NC and stick to it, by continuously coming back into contact you are just pushing her farther and farther away. She broke up with you, you're only option is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. Give her the chance to experience life without you at all, and only then will she start rethinking her decision. But most importantly, it'll give you the chance to really learn from this experience, and make improvements on yourself
aloneinaz Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Ok, not to be harsh but.. you are going about this exactly the wrong way. Let me help you out. When a girl tells you she needs a break to "think about things", it's the first step to dumping you. When she presented that news to you, the response you gave her should of been "no, if you're feeling like this at all, it means we need to break up". You then vanish on her. She wasn't feeling it with you anymore. It happens, especially when you're still young. You then begged, pleaded and made yourself look like a total, spineless coward and REALLY turned her off to you. Again, I'm not trying to be mean but talk to you like a buddy. Girls are not attracted to guys that chase them around like a little, sad puppy. What is attractive to woman is a guy who says "you're not feeling it, huh? Ok, take care and good luck". Please DON'T embarrass yourself further by contacting her, yet again! Put on your big boy pants and vanish from her life. Why beg someone to WANT you? Wouldn't you be turned off if you no longer wanted to date a girl and she kept chasing you? You'd think "OMG girl, GET A LIFE and some self respect".. Ok.. remember, I'm just trying to help you. You're young, in college with a gazzilion targets of opportunity. Find someone new who wants to be with you. Your last ex didn't.
gwenn Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Hey I'm going through kinda the same thing as you. My boyfriend wants to break up because he 'wasn't feeling it any more' and want to prioritize his future. As we're studying diff course in college too. You should search 'how to get your ex back' in google and visit the first site titled 'how to get your ex back permanantly'. It's not some website asking you to buy some ebooks and stuffs like that, but it really motivated be to stay strong and take this opportunity to really grow up mentally. Feel free to read my post here too if you were to have some advice for me... Good luck and stay strong!
Author jason_mraz Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Dear All, Thank you for the advice. Argh, should have waited for a bit before sending that. Guess it's too late now. I thought it might be a good way to start conversing after no contact, since her last email was really hateful towards me. I felt a sincere apology might be a good way to start it off fresh. Has that ruined my chances completely? Thank you Gwenn! I will take a look at that website.
aloneinaz Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Dear All, Thank you for the advice. Argh, should have waited for a bit before sending that. Guess it's too late now. I thought it might be a good way to start conversing after no contact, since her last email was really hateful towards me. I felt a sincere apology might be a good way to start it off fresh. Has that ruined my chances completely? Thank you Gwenn! I will take a look at that website. Jason, Spend some time reading threads here and other sites. You're clearly NOT getting what you're being told..
Author jason_mraz Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 I get it now... Thanks for the advice. I just have to go on NC again and let go.
pa888 Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 I get it now... Thanks for the advice. I just have to go on NC again and let go. Haha you make it sound so easy It will not be easy but trust me it will not be easy but the rewards will be worth it. You do not want to reconcile with someone who has been hateful towards you, because you deserve better than that. You deserve someone who will love you unconditionally, who would never think of leaving you, let alone a coward who would dump somebody by text. We all deserve someone like that Think of this as a learning experience, you will take all the lessons you said you have learned from this relationship and bring it to a new and healthier one. You are young like me, and have lots of time to enjoy dating. Try to approach dating as a learning experience, it is more important for you to find the right person than to try and fix what you mistakenly thought was the right person. Think about it, based on how she treated you would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that? This is what helped me in my situation: I was dumped but i realized no matter how sad I was there were things he did that I shouldn't have ignored, and i wouldn't have wanted to spend more time with someone who treated me the way he did. So in the end it's more important for me to find Mr. Right than to get it right the first time (he was my first bf). Try to think of things that were wrong in your relationship and I swear you'll move on much faster. I hope this helped
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