seasickpeeve Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 it's been two or three weeks since my ex told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore and that he is not in love and just wants to be single. This is after four years together. my love feelings for him are turning into bitterness. I felt calm and full of acceptance yesterday and today I have woke up angry. Mostly because: 1.) about two years in I asked him how he felt about possibly children in the future. I explained that whilst I didn't want children now it was very possible I would in a few years and that he should only stay if he was open to that. He said 'yeah I'd have kids with you in the future maybe. I've thought about it with you'. I kinda felt at the time this was a bit vague of him but as I wasn't planning a date or anything I didn't think on it. When we split on of the things he said was 'I'm not bothered about having kids, never have been'. I keep thinking of this and feeling angry that he didn't tell me he wasn't bothered when I asked. I could have saved two years! 2.) for over a year he had been getting angry and saying things like 'I'm not in love with you' 'i just want to be single' 'i love you but not enough'. He would later apologise and say he was just saying it because he was angry. I would always reply 'if you are not in love with me please leave me'. He would stay and I would be confused thinking if he really felt those things he would have left, after all, actions speak louder than words. When he split with me he told me 'I'm not in love with you, I have no romantic feelings for you, I just want to be single'. I'm now looking back and thinking he knew he didn't want it over a year ago and never left. He left when it was a good time for him to leave (new job, friends, uni). Thats selfish! He should have left as soon as he realised he didn't feel enough for me. I am getting angry and bitter about lost/wasted time. I feel if he was a good person that cared for me he would have been honest with me two years ago. As I am 30, I feel he has wasted my chances of finding someone to share my life with and have kids with in future. He knew thats what I wanted but still wasted my time because those things ended up not mattering to him. Another part of me is saying that it's not his fault, he probably just changed his mind, fell out of love and left when he was sure about those things. I'm sure he wouldn't have been with me for over a year with no feelings. Plus, he gave me all the red flags and I didn't take them seriously which is my problem not his. I allowed this to happen. I'm swinging between anger at him and anger at myself for this and I don't know which is right. There are no guarantees in love but I feel cheated. What do you think?
HandsomeBoh Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 I think it's not fair to yourself to say you never saw the red flags, the truth is that everything makes sense in retrospect when the ending is revealed to you already, but nothing makes sense when you're holding onto a whole bunch of clues with no idea what they mean. Do you think it could have been salvaged? 1
Author seasickpeeve Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 As soon as he finally broke it off and I knew he was serious (he's done it many many times before but come back) I had this wave of realisation that all the other 'break ups' were like his dress rehearsal for the real thing...like waiting for the time it was right for him. I feel so stupid for ever letting that whole thing happen. But it was happening so fast and so frequent I was confused and I was trying to be the calm optimistic person holding it together. If this was someone else I would say it's a type of abuse to tell someone you are not in love with them knowing they are with you....and stay with them. So I suppose in my defence I was kinda unstable because he was making me that way. I still feel confused I think and I'm switching between blaming him and blaming myself for letting it happen. He sounded very sure it was final, although his last words were 'lets leave it to fate to see if we meet again' when I asked if it was the last time Id see him as a girlfriend or friend. I think that was a nice way of saying he doesn't want to be in contact again. I would say I'd like there to be a way of fixing it, but whilst I am confused and switching between love and anger, I'm thinking maybe I only want to fight for it because for a year he has kinda been making that happen. It might be the time now that I realise that that is cruel. He should have left when he first knew he didn't feel enough for me but didn't because he was scared. He left when he stopped being scared I think.
Author seasickpeeve Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 aughhh it's taking all my strength not to angry text!!!
Sunshine09 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 aughhh it's taking all my strength not to angry text!!! I feel you girl hang in there
Author seasickpeeve Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 I didn't angry text. I sent a random light conversation text instead I'm am losing at this no contact thing terribly
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