MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 This is really hard. I've been separated for 3 1/2 months and share custody 50-50 with my exhusband. Our kids are pretty good, very smart, and lovable and seem to be okay with the arrangement, although everyone knows they would prefer things to be "back to normal" with mom and dad living together. My son is in a counselling group at school - he is 10. I haven't asked him yet about it, it just started. They haven't offered my daughter (age 8) the same thing yet. Anyway, yesterday was tough. My daughter was misbehaving at a sporting event outdoors. She normally acts goofy, and show-offy but was really annoying me, pulling my hair and sticking out her tongue, talking extra loud to make sure everyone could hear her. She had my ex's digital camera as we sometimes let her take pictures and she takes very nice ones usually. She came and showed me the pictures and was deleting the ones that didn't look good. Then she showed me one and said "Guess what that is?! It's my underwear so I'll delete it". I asked her how in the world she took a pic of her underwear, and she showed me that she pulled the front of her pants outward and pointed the camera down there. I was NOT impressed and took the camera away. When we got home it was past bedtime so I told her I was very disappointed in her behavior and we would be talking more about it. HELP!!! This isn't the first time she has shown disrespect for her body. She's always "shaking her booty", likes spankings, and squeals when she's naked hoping her brother won't see her but I think she is hoping he does, other wise why draw attention to herself? I honestly don't know where she is getting this from or how to handle it. I'll post the issue with my son next.
HotCaliGirl Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Do you supervise what she watches on television? Maybe she's been watching adult stuff, with stripping?? That is inappropriate behavior for an 8 year old girl, by that age they are more modest and cover up, especially in the presence of family members. Since your separation is so recent, I would think it has something to do with it, along the lines of "since you've made me unhappy by splitting, I'm going to give you a hard time raising me", but I don't know. Maybe someone else can shed some light.
seagirl Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 I would be very concerned about her showing the disrespect for herself at such a young age--especially taking pictures of her underwear and then showing it to you. Something is going on with this little girl, not to get too personal but are you sure that nobody has touched her in a way that isn't right? It seems odd to me that an 8 year old would do these things otherwise.
Fester Lungblood Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Good grief, taking a picture of your underwear is not showing disrespect for your body. It's just something that a kid would do. She wasn't taking pics and selling them on a porn site. She's a little girl...a kid,, kids do dorky things. You want her to stop acting out.. be there for her unconditionally, look into her eyes twice every day and tell her you love her and make her believe it. Read her long bedtime stories every night. Take a picture of your underwear and show it to her and laugh together.
Chris777 Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 First off as the father of a child of divorce, and seeing the harmful effect on her, I ask IS their any way possible to reconcile with your husband? I realize some cases like adultry, or violence, are difficult, and sometimes irreconcilable, but contrary to what some "experts" say its not as good on kids as they would like to push. But it has been really hard on my daughter she was 2 when we split, I didn,t want it, but my ex insisted, I sometimes wonder if I should have contested, but its too late now. She cries several times a week about how bad she misses her mommy, and I honestly can't give he a good reason we divorced, other than her mother wanted it. My daughter is 10 now, And has learned to be modest. Sure She had run around showing off to my sister, occasionally, but she would be mortified of pictures. Some of her behavior, could DEFINITELY be imitation from television, I remember when I was a kid trying to kiss my mom like they did, on the nightime soaps she watched, and couldnt understand why she didnt want me to. (to be that innocent again) I have had my daughter ocasionally act like that, as well, but I set her strait. But i can definitely attest tv, can be a big influence, even if the child doesn't yet understand. I am now shocked, at some of the innuendo, in movies, i never understod till i was older. but it does sound like your daughter, is having problems with your seperation. You might check about family counceling, I think their are places that offer it with both the parents and children together.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 Thank you for your suggestions and comments. I didn't get a chance yet to discuss this with my ex, and he too will take it very seriously. But he is more of a "lay down the law" and doesnt' explain himself, and she doesn't take punishment seriously. I worry because even though my parents are still married after 42 years, and I was never abused as a child, I did these same things when I was young. I don't know why, I think it was more curiosity and I would have been mortified if I had ever been caught. I just don't want to tell her it's normal because I never felt like it was normal, and kind of wish someone straightened me out when I was 8 or 10 and not after I'd already been sexually active. The "talk" I got was "don't come home pregnant - it would hurt your mother". She pretty much only watches Spongebob. She's not into fashion or dressing sleezy like some little girls. She dresses for comfort, and can get away with it i n the community in which we live.
Chris777 Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Sorry to come off like I am slamming you in the other post, but your kids are your absolute 1st priority. I wish I had listened earlier when I was told that, could have saved everyone alot of grief. Yes You should get your kids councelling, and probably also yourself, as you sound like you also have alot of issues, that leaping from Man to man will never solve. Look at your kids, and ask yourself, is that really what you want to put them through? Do you really want to put yourself through it? I am sorry if I come off as insulting you as I am sure other people will come out and say, but you really sound like you and your family could really use some help, and not people coming on hear to stroke your ego, telling you everything will be ok, when you are running straight for a tornado. I am concerned, mostly for your kids, but for you as well.
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