Fun2BMe Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Please help. My bf said he was going on a trip on Thursday. All day Tue he didn't call or email, then Wed evening, when I thought I'd be seeing him, he emails that he is in such and such city, how the weather is, asks how I'm doing and all that stuff. I was shocked and hurt and emailed back that I thought I would see him that night, that I didn't like to be close to someone yet be out of the loop on where they are, that I don't want to be together and feel awful for being in a situation where something like this happens. I know he hates personal stuff like this in email but I was desperate to express how I felt. It has been 2 days and he hasn't replied. Did I over-react or was he playing me or ??? What should I do? We've been together for over 2 years and the past few months have been rocky, I'm always blaming him for stuff and starting arguments, now I think this will have been the last straw. Should I send an email apologizing?
scarlyjones Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 simply STOP STARTING STUFF. You're worring about it being "ROCKY" may be the very thing thats MAKING it 'ROCKY"
scarlyjones Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 I know it sucks being the one that looks and feels spinless in the relationship,..but you need to just let him be, for now. Let him call you when he calls you,...whenever that is.... and dont be like "HOW COME YOU HAVENT CALLED ME???" Just tell him your concerns. Dont be all desperate either. People tend to feed on that. JUst tell him the truth on how you feel.
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 Ok, thanks I will. I just hope he'll call now.
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 I hope you're right, because I'm tempted to send a follow up email apologizing. I don't know if it will upset him even more, me sending all these emails while he's away, but I don't want to end up making him feel like sh** while he's away. I really don't know what to do
suegail Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 If you really don't want to push him away, take a hint from what has happened now. Change, if you can, and learn to relax and enjoy the time you do spend together. I don't see that it would be a problem for you to send him an apologetic email and it might make him feel better about things, but just get to the point quickly - - kind of lighten things up. I know from past experience that it can be a turnoff when someone does what you're doing. I dated a guy for some time and when things began to go south I was repelled (no other word for it) by his reactions which were much like yours. It does not help the situation.
Mattaius Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 In my experience saying sorry for how you feel is the worst thing you can do in a relationship. When you get worked up about feelings that's okay to do, they are your feelings and rightly or wrongly you feel them. To say sorry for how you feel makes you appear weak to the other person in the relationship, like you dont have the strength in your own convictions. This will make them respect you less as a person. When you loose there respect you loose them. Believe me i got into a cycle, whereby my ex would upset me, i'd tell her i was upset. Then she would cry and say i feel like a crap girlfriend you make me feel this way and i dont like it. Then i would agree with her that i was in the wrong to stop her feeling bad. But it just made me look weak in her eyes and also meant that in the future she felt justified to be upset whenever i was and expected me to back down. When i didnt one day she dumped me! Don't let this happen to you. Wait it out, if you have been together so long then, he will be thinking of you and if his is thinking badly of you then that will subside and he will start to miss you and feel he is in the wrong. If you get him to say sorry, you will be in control and he wont leave you! He needs you to be happy in himself, remember that and let it empower you Dont send that email
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 15, 2005 Author Posted May 15, 2005 Originally posted by Mattaius In my experience saying sorry for how you feel is the worst thing you can do in a relationship. To say sorry for how you feel makes you appear weak to the other person in the relationship, like you dont have the strength in your own convictions. This will make them respect you less as a person. When you loose there respect you loose them. Don't let this happen to you. Wait it out Dont send that email I don't think I did the right thing to wait it out and not send the email. I should have sent the email or called. Maybe I was in the wrong. He has not contacted me at all and I feel so terrible and I feel like I have caused permanent damage to the relationship and that it is now too late to fix it and get back together.
upsetnhurt Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 fun2B, Not so sure why everyone is telling you to take a chill pill nor why you think you overreacted in this situation. From the way I read your first message you had every right to express your disappointment with your bf in that you would have liked the courtesy of knowing where he is, especially considering he is out of town and had plans to return to spend time with you. For gods sake people, they are dating for two years now. If that respect level does not exist now when will it ever. Fun2B....if you apologize now all you are simply saying is that it is okay for him not to give you the respect that you need and it will happen over and over to you in the future. Do you want that? If I was you I would handle this entirely different. DO NOT contact him until he initiates conversation and then sit him down and let him know how you feel. If he is not receptive then he is NOT the one for you and you need to be the one to pull away. Don't be his doormat.......find someone who will give you all that you want from someone and more and don't settle here.
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