confusedbutnothoping Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 About 5 months ago my bf and I had a cooling off.. We were arguing so much and we are both tired. He has a lot of problems on his hands and so do I. My main problem with him is that I am always his last priority even with his friends. I initiated the break, he doesn't want to then decided he wants to cool it off but doesn't want to break up. He asked me to wait for him.. I waited for him. After 2 weeks, I said how are u doing ? then he says he is still not ready and thinking things over. I contacted him for another 2 week still the same. I then decided to stop contacting him for a month, then all of a sudden. He texted me out of a blue that he will come over and wants to solve all our problems and start over. He would come after his night work in about 4 days. I said to him if you want to start over we have to understand that we are different and accept each other and is he sure this is what he wants. He is very sure. On the night that we are about to see each other, he texted me that he still cannot see me because he is has still a lot of priorities and he doesn't want to disappoint me. he wants to make sure that everything is ok and no disappointments when we see each other. That i would be his top priority. I was angry about being made to wait then I ended it right there. I said do not message me or make any attempt to see me. ( I found out later he was at a party) I did not contact him after 2 months, but during those time he talked to my flatmate saying that he made a lot of mistakes and that someday he might call on me. My flatmate replied when is that? when she has moved on? He didn't say.Well I unfriended him and erased all contacts but sometimes I see his pictures when he is tagged through our common friends. he is having the time of his life. I'm not sitting and crying either ( that is finished). I went on vacation and did gym and have new friends. To make this short: I was invited to a party with our common friend, a goodbye party. I know he is gonna be there but I went. He didn't expect me though because I was declining every party that I know he is gonna attend. We saw each other and it was awkward but I didn't feel any bad thing at all. I was happy to see him. He was shocked and we have a very short conversation after that he was avoiding me. The next day I was invited to a coffee with our mutual friend and he was invited. I told them to tell him I was coming so that he will not be shocked. I was late and he waited but they told me later he was sweating and fidgety and wants to go before I come.. The thing is Should I contact him. I want to be friends with him. But honestly, I wanted to see if we can still save our relationship. P.s. I'm confused since he told my flatmate "thank you for bringing her to the party" but he avoids me.. should i give him a friend request or send a message saying hi?
minimariah Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 nope. if he wanted to save your relationship -- he would have contacted you already. he's giving you breadcrumbs and trying to be polite. you said it yourself - he's having the time of his life & not really rushing into fixing things with you. he isn't even half in, let alone ALL in your relationship. so nope - no contact. he is saying the good stuff just to make himself look a little better in front of others, that is all. move on. 2
Author confusedbutnothoping Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 Thank you.. that explained a lot . But about a month ago, he told his friend that he still wants me but still he did not do anything. He said to me that he knows that he is the problem. He has a lot of gf already (14) that they said the same thing. He's problem is that after awhile he slacks off in the relationship and then his ex's out of pure frustration finally breaks up the relationship. All I wanted was to meet up and discuss what went wrong but Im afraid Ill break my new mindset and peace I already built for myself. I wanted to stay friends though.
minimariah Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Thank you.. that explained a lot . But about a month ago, he told his friend that he still wants me but still he did not do anything. He said to me that he knows that he is the problem. He has a lot of gf already (14) that they said the same thing. He's problem is that after awhile he slacks off in the relationship and then his ex's out of pure frustration finally breaks up the relationship. All I wanted was to meet up and discuss what went wrong but Im afraid Ill break my new mindset and peace I already built for myself. I wanted to stay friends though. don't look at his words - look at his ACTIONS. his actions will tell you all you need to know. the words don't mean a thing. he isn't doing anything to get you back, that speaks volumes. and to answer your question about not working it out -- probably because he is immature & just wasn't all in into the relationship. it happens. there isn't always a reason, anyway. you just weren't meant to be, that is all. & i'd suggest no friendship. that never ends well. 2
Author confusedbutnothoping Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 He was my first love. He is now 32 Im 29 . he courted me for 7 months. We had a 2 yr and 7 mos relationship and he introduced me to this brothers and sisters . He got to met my parents too. Though, i have to admit he makes promises then doesn't keep them. That is his issue still. I think I made a mistake of going to that party. Now, I'm lonely again still not over him completely but the anger is gone now..
Author confusedbutnothoping Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) I made a mistake of looking at his profile today and I saw that he did not remove all our pictures and he still have some of our pictures as is profile and his cover pic is still a picture of our vacation. I think i having a relapse again thinking about contacting him... My flatmate and my other gf , who are my friends through and through is on a month long vacation and I'm fearing I'm gonna contact him without them saying stop.. update: i think Im doing no contact again.. its the best for me ... Edited July 31, 2015 by confusedbutnothoping
aloneinaz Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Sweetie, Not to be mean but you need to find your pride and self worth. You're following/stalking him like a little puppy, begging for attention. Now, you're stalking his social media as well? Really, STOP IT.. Leave the guy alone. He's clearly NOT interested in dating you and you're only making yourself even more unattractive by hanging around, contacting him, etc.. Most folks would avoid any place there ex was going to be until they were 100% over them. You're doing the complete opposite. He probably sees you at these events and rolls his eyes, while say "really?" What you need to do is VANISH from this guys life so you can heal and get over it. Then, start dating and meet someone new. This relationship you're refusing to let go is dead. Stop kicking the body. You'll feel SSOO much better about yourself when you're able to ignore this guy and move on.
Xiomn Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 don't look at his words - look at his ACTIONS. his actions will tell you all you need to know. the words don't mean a thing. he isn't doing anything to get you back, that speaks volumes. and to answer your question about not working it out -- probably because he is immature & just wasn't all in into the relationship. it happens. there isn't always a reason, anyway. you just weren't meant to be, that is all. & i'd suggest no friendship. that never ends well. I second all of this. My ex told me she loved me and that I was the best then 2 days later broke up with me. Actions speak louder than words. I've also tried the friendship route and it killed me, she realised I couldn't just be friends because I wanted something more and so we cut off contact. If he wants you back he will come to you.
Recommended Posts