ennui Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) It's been 7 months since my BU and it's been the hardest BU in my life. I've went through the stage of crying everyday, not eating, feeling the crushing pain in the heart, the broken soul, drowning into depression and etc (the BU experience package ). In order to get out of that, I followed all the advice - spend more time with your family and friends, gym, get a hobby, go for casual dating, and somehow, I'm not healing as how I should be. I've reached a point where I can't be alone. I'm either trying to arrange something with friends or tinder dates after work or on weekends and if I don't manage to, that's where gym comes in. On days where I can't find someone to meet and I don't want to gym, I'm full of dread of having to be at home. And with the need to feel wanted, I started hooking up with one of my dates. When he realized that I was looking for something serious, he left me and that brought me back to the whole BU experience package. I'm now back to the stage of waking up in the middle of the night from the crushing pain of heartache, waking up to dreams of either my ex or the tinder guy (and I actually think about my ex much much more). I know that I should lay off the online dating stuff for some time. I am for now, but a part of me is itching to get back because I want to have someone to talk to, to occupy my free time so that I don't have to face my depressing thoughts. My emotional well-being just feels too torn and tattered. I get looped into the depressing thoughts of how there's no purpose in life and if that's the case, what's the reason for being alive. Does anyone has any advice on how to be better? How to make yourself feel whole again. Edited July 31, 2015 by ennui
changeofseasons Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Well you're on a good path but i think you really need to accept being alone for awhile and enjoying your alone time, regardless of how many way people breakup the remedy seems to be self-love in most cases. And the longer it take s for you to accept yourself, the longer it takes for a healthy relationship to manifest. I dont know you personally but i know you have potential. Anyone who has access to a computer/the internet has many open doors and possibilities. You may feel like you dont because you may have focused all your time and energy on your last relationship, its time for you to figure yourself out and what you like and want to do with your life. Use your time wisely!!
LYNNLH Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Hi Enui...I feel the pain you're going thru..I am in 7 months post BU as well but I'm no longer in pain. I won't say I have healed but I'm certainly going through my healing process and it's going really well. I have peace in my heart and I am smiling and happy most of the time. Bear in mind..I have not dated since my breakup in January. You know what healed me? God. Yes, I'm a born again Christian and I don't want to come across like I'm forcing religion on anyone but just to share with you. My faith in Christ grows stronger each day and nothing much matters when we have God in our life. I do not want to rehash my breakup again but to share with you, he blind-sided me after 7 years (yes, loooong RS) and I realized the truth that he never loved me. I had a difficult time initially and was a wreck. I went thru depression and am on anti - depressant. While the medication helped my mood a tad, my true healing, peace and happiness..came from God. He really blessed me and shown me how much He loves me. Try look up Minister Joyce Meyer. She is fabulous. I learned a lot of my faith from her too. Hope this helps. Take care. Remember..your approval nor self worth do not come from men. You don't need their validation when you start to learn to love yourself. I would advise to lay off dating for a while. Learn to be happy on your own and if you choose God, the revelation will amaze you. It sure did for me. 1
freebird31 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 I remember when I was 7 months post break up. I remember making a similar post to you as well around this time. I was still a mess. And guess what, you are most likely going to still feel like a mess for a while. You must accept that. but you must also know that it will NOT be like this forever. TRUST ME. Look back on my posts, I was as depressed as you. I am now a little over 2 years post breakup. And the only advice that I can give you, is that it takes TIME. I am healthy and happy now and all it took was a little patience, soul-searching, and TIME. Give yourself time to heal. You are doing everything perfectly right; with the spending time with friends, family, and having hobbies, gym, etc. But i do strongly suggest laying off the dating for a while. Broken hearts take time to heal, it doesnt just go away after a few months. It takes a whole lot of time, and thats okay. It just means you really loved the person and you are a healthy and functioning being. Just keep pushing forward, take it day by day, and don't put a time limit on healing. That is what I have learned. For now, do exactly as you are doing and keep yourself productive and occupied. Pain equates to growth. 1
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