katiegrl Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 assuming she will become unhunged and emotional - he said he was expecting that, I didn't assume anything. They only connected through texting for a week. And the fact that they had sex is irrelevant because they were in it together. That's on her too. Then he is assuming too .... cause the fact is he has no idea how she will respond. IMO he wants to believe that to justify the slow fade, as opposed to being honest and straight as soon as possible so as to allow her to deal with it and move on as quickly as possible.
Redhead14 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Then he is assuming too .... cause the fact is he has no idea how she will respond. IMO he wants to believe that to justify the slow fade, as opposed to being honest and straight as soon as possible so as to allow her to deal with it and move on as quickly as possible. Yes, that's what he is doing now, the slow fade. He shouldn't do that either. He should just be direct and to the point. Don't embellish it with apologies or other words that will fall on deaf ears anyway.
Maleficent Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 This was ONE date. So now, this guy is going to be dealing with an emotional woman, struggling with getting her to accept that it is what it is, not being able to succeed in that and then be afraid to date other women because he can't handle their emotions. I'd agree with you if they didn't sleep together. But they did and now he has to deal with his decision to have sex with her on their first date. Now he is dealing with a woman who thinks he likes her. Perhaps once he says 'hey this isn't going to work out, good luck' she will simply move on to other things. Her 'emotional reaction' to getting dumped is nothing but stipulations and assumptions at this point. The more he waits, the higher the chances her reaction will be emotional because she will feel like she was led on. It's not like we're saying he should give her an explanation in person and everything. At the very least, he should text her to break things off. Then he can ignore her all he wants. 2
katiegrl Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Then he is assuming too .... cause the fact is he has no idea how she will respond. IMO he wants to believe that to justify the slow fade, as opposed to being honest and straight as soon as possible so as to allow her to deal with it and move on as quickly as possible. Not to mention Red, if she were inclined to become emotional and unhinged, your suggestion "sorry we're not a good match," is gonna piss her off more than even a slow fade... Saying that and nothing more in THIS case is just cold. Even the OP agreed with that in his earlier posts. It is what you say after a first meet or date (or two) where there was NO connection and NO sex. 1
Maleficent Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Not to mention Red, if she were inclined to become emotional and unhinged, your suggestion "sorry we're not a good match," is gonna piss her off more than even a slow fade... Saying that and nothing more in THIS case is just cold. Even the OP agreed with that in his earlier posts. It is what you say after a first meet or date (or two) where there was NO connection and NO sex. To be fair, if she were inclined to become emotional and unhinged, no solution would cause her to not become emotional. However, OP can make himself look like the bigger person. Because this story can have different versions a) we slept together and then he told me we were not a match b) we slept together and then he pulled a fade away and it took him a month to admit he wasn't into me/I had to pull it out of him c) we slept together and never heard from him again OP will sound like a total douchebag in versions b and c... 1
Redhead14 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Not to mention Red, if she were inclined to become emotional and unhinged, your suggestion "sorry we're not a good match," is gonna piss her off more than even a slow fade... Saying that and nothing more in THIS case is just cold. Even the OP agreed with that in his earlier posts. It is what you say after a first meet or date (or two) where there was NO connection and NO sex. I only use that as an example for directness and to the point. It doesn't need to be those exact words. I just want him to get the sense that he doesn't need to go overboard or sugarcoat it.
katiegrl Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 I'd agree with you if they didn't sleep together. But they did and now he has to deal with his decision to have sex with her on their first date. Now he is dealing with a woman who thinks he likes her. Perhaps once he says 'hey this isn't going to work out, good luck' she will simply move on to other things. Her 'emotional reaction' to getting dumped is nothing but stipulations and assumptions at this point. The more he waits, the higher the chances her reaction will be emotional because she will feel like she was led on. It's not like we're saying he should give her an explanation in person and everything. At the very least, he should text her to break things off. Then he can ignore her all he wants. Agree, esp. last paragraph. Text is fine. "I enjoyed our time together but things moved too quickly, which caused my feelings to shift, I'm sorry. Take good care, wish you all the best." DONE. A heck of a lot nicer than "sorry not a good match.". IMO anyway.
jen1447 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Also, enough with the comments that seem to put all responsibility on him. She chose to have sex with him and make the first move. It's not all up to him to stop it and think of every outcome to protect her and her feelings. That is her job, not his. I don't think there really has to be any blame assigned at all - what happened happened, whatever, but that doesn't change the fact that people are owed basic human decency and that decent ppl give it. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 If I was in her position, I would want to be told that the guy isn't interested so that I can move on ASAP. I wouldn't care about the details of what was said. "we aren't a good match" "I don't see this going anywhere" etc etc. That early on, it's all the same. 2
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