BeautyInTheWorld Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I've been a bit of a long time LS "floater" and this is my very first post so firstly, I would like to say hello and also, thank you all for being such an inspiration over the past few years. So a little about us first, we were in a long distance relationship and met in October 2013. We dated for 6 months, broke up for 6 months, got back together for about 8 months. And we have broken up again. The first time we dated, it was the arguing that ended up in him breaking up with me. He was always in contact afterwards but I just didn't want to know anymore. After 6 months, I let him back in. He said he had changed and had missed me. Within a matter of months, the arguing returned and has been falling apart since. He has a very short temper and I can't work out why as he has the sweetest closely knit family. He is always yelling at me and calls me names. He takes these back when he has calmed down but it still shreds my heart. He has told me he hates me several times and has also called me a "piece of sh*%" a couple times too. He has a habit of breaking up with me after every argument and it's always up to me to patch things up. Most recently, we went a week without talking. I broke the NC to which he was very rude with me at first so I left it. He again calmed down. This was happening every week, every small thing would turn into a huge argument. We agreed that we needed to just nip things in the bud when we feel an argument happening but it doesn't seem to be working. It escalates quickly. For example, he'll call to ask not to talk about the issue anymore but this somehow turns into an argument and ultimately ends in a break up by him. Every time we broke up, I genuinely felt it was it so my poor heart would die a little death every week. I was a humiliating mess Friday just gone in work, the whole company saw every last drop of water exude from my eyes. My colleague booked a meeting room out for me just so I could cry in private. He has issues he needs to address and all I want to do is be by his side to support him, but the fact he is so ready to leave at any given opportunity just makes me think that he has always had one foot out the door. We had an argument yesterday and I was insulted by a comment he had made. Because I was offended he said he doesn't feel like he can be himself around me anymore and that just breaks my heart. He must have lost that spark with me a long time ago. He tells me I don't show enough affection, I disagree but I think since he has such low self esteem that maybe I need to show him more? I don't want to force him to be with me as eventually he'll grow to resent me and fall out of love with me. I still plans things in case a moment comes around where he'll come to see me but am I just holding onto nothing? I love this man. What do I do?
WomenWubber Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 You cannot help him if he doesn't help himself. He needs to hit rock botom. If I were you, I wouldn't be there when that happens. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Take a dish out of the cupboard. That is your relationship. Smash it on the floor. That is your break up. Glue the pieces back together. Does it look the same? Is it as pretty as it was? Is it as nice? As strong? Of course not. It's been broken. Now repeat the process as many time as you have broken up & gotten back together. The next time he breaks up with you look at all the pieces. Now pick them up & throw then away, being careful not to cut yourself. Then drive to the store & but a new dish. 5
Ariess10 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I am not proud of it , I am guilt of this .. I don't know why it's like maybe I'll be heard if I do it .. It's very wrong even at my age to do this .. Something that I am working on as this breakup has made me see the things I need to work on .. It's a very bad thing to do 1
Redhead14 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I've been a bit of a long time LS "floater" and this is my very first post so firstly, I would like to say hello and also, thank you all for being such an inspiration over the past few years. So a little about us first, we were in a long distance relationship and met in October 2013. We dated for 6 months, broke up for 6 months, got back together for about 8 months. And we have broken up again. The first time we dated, it was the arguing that ended up in him breaking up with me. He was always in contact afterwards but I just didn't want to know anymore. After 6 months, I let him back in. He said he had changed and had missed me. Within a matter of months, the arguing returned and has been falling apart since. He has a very short temper and I can't work out why as he has the sweetest closely knit family. He is always yelling at me and calls me names. He takes these back when he has calmed down but it still shreds my heart. He has told me he hates me several times and has also called me a "piece of sh*%" a couple times too. He has a habit of breaking up with me after every argument and it's always up to me to patch things up. Most recently, we went a week without talking. I broke the NC to which he was very rude with me at first so I left it. He again calmed down. This was happening every week, every small thing would turn into a huge argument. We agreed that we needed to just nip things in the bud when we feel an argument happening but it doesn't seem to be working. It escalates quickly. For example, he'll call to ask not to talk about the issue anymore but this somehow turns into an argument and ultimately ends in a break up by him. Every time we broke up, I genuinely felt it was it so my poor heart would die a little death every week. I was a humiliating mess Friday just gone in work, the whole company saw every last drop of water exude from my eyes. My colleague booked a meeting room out for me just so I could cry in private. He has issues he needs to address and all I want to do is be by his side to support him, but the fact he is so ready to leave at any given opportunity just makes me think that he has always had one foot out the door. We had an argument yesterday and I was insulted by a comment he had made. Because I was offended he said he doesn't feel like he can be himself around me anymore and that just breaks my heart. He must have lost that spark with me a long time ago. He tells me I don't show enough affection, I disagree but I think since he has such low self esteem that maybe I need to show him more? I don't want to force him to be with me as eventually he'll grow to resent me and fall out of love with me. I still plans things in case a moment comes around where he'll come to see me but am I just holding onto nothing? I love this man. What do I do? After 6 months, I let him back in. He said he had changed and had missed me. -- The reality is that he hasn't changed and never will. This is who he is. When someone does something to a supposed loved one and then apologizes -- they don't keep doing the same thing over and over and over. He didn't just make a mistake one time with you, he keeps doing it. He's learning nothing. I was a humiliating mess Friday just gone in work, the whole company saw every last drop of water exude from my eyes. My colleague booked a meeting room out for me just so I could cry in private. -- This relationship is spilling into your life outside of the relationship. This is a hallmark of a Dysfunctional relationship. He has issues he needs to address and all I want to do is be by his side to support him -- It's great to want to support a partner who is struggling with something that will probably pass. This won't. And, sure, supporting him is a good thing, but it shouldn't be at the expense of your own needs. Even when a partner is struggling or has issues but loves you, they don't pull away from you like he does. There are any number of emotional/psychological issues that could be involved here. But, you are not engaged are you? And, it's only been about a year into this relationship. He's shown you who he is. It's not working for you, is it? End this relationship and get focused on your needs for a relationship and find someone who meets them all the time.
seasickpeeve Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Its not exactly the same but my boyfriend was very similar in the last year of our relationship. We had always had some arguments but it ended up where I couldn't say anything against him without him getting angry, saying hurtful things and ending it before storming off. I would chase and 'fix' it, he would apologise and say he didn't mean it but that I push his buttons! It got to the point where he was ending it after every single disagreement until I asked him to stop using the 'just angry' excuse and tell me what was wrong. He explained he didn't want to be with me, this made him angry and mean, I would chase, he would feel guilty, we'd get back together and he'd feel guilty for staying with me. Guilt = anger. I'm not saying this is the same for your boyfriend but it could be worth trying to have a calm talk with him to find out what the root of this anger problem is. And of you plan to get together again you could make it clear that he has to find another way of dealing with confrontation and anger. You cant live like this and it doesn't look like he's ever shown you he's capable of dealing with things differently. I'd keep your distance until he can show you he can cope with arguments another way. I did over a year like this and I got into a pattern of thinking I had upset him therefore I was a bad girlfriend and I must fight to keep him around. I'm now realising that if I had upset him enough for him to leave he should have stayed away. Its cruel to come in nd out of someone's life like that. It'll leave you so dizzy you can't see straight anymore. Looking back, my chasing him and forgiving his anger everytime he left was enabling him to keep on doing it. It didn't inspire him to change his ways of relating to me. I also learnt that just because I wasn't shouting and swearing at him didn't mean I wasn't half responsible for the arguements
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