Kissed another girl and told my GF- she kicked me out the flat and won't talk to me.

[FR3DS]

Hi everyone, first time poster here. I don't usually go online to look for advice but I thought I would try my luck.

 

I have been with my gf for a year, and living together for most of that time. I have recently felt, well for a while, felt that our relationship was stagnating...we had sex about once a month and she never seemed into it, and only really looked to do it as a favour. Fair enough, we both work and study so have allot if stress, but her libido or intimacy really was non-existent.

 

I have tried to bring this up many times, and say that I was concerned but she got bored of the topic and got angry when I tried to discuss it. This went on for a long time.

 

I then, stupidly, went on tinder and started to talk to girls I met around the city. One girl, in particular, took a great liking to me and badgered to go out...and I stupidly did meet her. We drank, and we kissed, once.

 

I then felt instantly like an *******, and didn't speak to the girl for 24/hrs. But my gf and I had an argument about something non-important and in spite, I started speaking to this girl again.

 

I had no feelings for her, I guess I was just looking for some female attention...is that so beta or what.

 

Anyways, I told my GF that I made this horrid mistake 2 days later and she promptly kicked me out and wants nothing to do with me. I have apologised again and again, begging for forgiveness, and even waited outside the flat like a weirdo in the hope that she would come down- she didn't even come to the window.

 

What should I do, I'm pretty stuck. I think space is good but I'm pretty worried.

 

Thanks,

 

~FR3DS

[PegNosePete]

You should respect her wishes. If my gf kissed another guy I would kick her out and want nothing to do with her, either. That is what happens when you cheat. Your relationship ends.

 

Sorry - learn from your "mistake", move on and don't cheat on the next one....

[FR3DS]

Hey, thanks for replying.

 

Of course, I will respect her wishes. I think that is the most important thing now.

 

However, I don't think that everything is as black and white as you put it. Perhaps if you were in the circumstance, your mind may be different. You may feel that initially, but if you feel that that person is truly sorry and it was a mistake, perhaps you may consider taking her back in the future.

 

Idk, I can only hope.

[Phoenixashes]

Either you discuss your concerns. ..or if you're that unhappy, end things. It's ok to end a relationship if unhappy....cheating is not ok, using someone for the best of their parts and using someone else to make up the rest.

 

Why cheat? And why run to someone else during tough times? Leave her alone. She's upset and the news is fresh. Glad you were honest but let this settle. Being in her space right bow isn't beneficial.

[PrettyEmily77]

You actively looked around and talked to other girls, accepted to meet one for drinks and kissed her - sorry man, that's more than stupid; that's premeditated.

 

 

Btw, lack of sexual compatibility is no excuse for cheating because, you know, nothing is.

[Peanut9330]

All relationships have ups and downs but it's important to communicate, you've stated that you tired but she got bored with the conversation and ended the topic. Although she shut you down that's still no reason to go and actively search for that missing void elsewhere. If she refused to listen and never communicate with you on that matter then you should have stressed how important this is in order for your relationship to continue. Once you stepped outside the relationship all the trust got broken, and she might choose to forgive you over time but also maybe not. Just give her the space she needs she knows where you stand and how you feel if she wants to give it another go she'll come around, either way there is a lesson here to be learned.

[d0nnivain]

This wasn't a drunken, accidental kiss. You had been actively looking on tinder. You took intentional affirmative steps to meet another woman. Because you already had one foot out the door of the relationship when you confessed, your now EX-GF simply sent the rest of you in the direction you chose to head.

 

It really is that B&W.

 

Make arrangements to get your things & find a new place to live. If you are on the lease, work out the finances so she doesn't screw your credit

[Morphine]

Sex once a month, that she is not into that much, after being together for a year AND you kissing other girl are TWO MASSIVE RED FLAGS.

[CarrieT]

You made a decision to go on Tinder and look for something/something else.

 

Lesson learned on your part: If the relationship you are in is not satisfying in some degree, learn to communicate as such or move on.

[WomenWubber]

Your cheating served as the coup the grace to an already damaged relationship.

 

Chalk it up as experience and move on.

[seasickpeeve]

Do you want your girlfriend back? Could you carry on being with someone who doesn't want to work together on the sex side of things?

 

Maybe this was your way of getting out of a relationship you wasn't happy in without really thinking it through.

 

You might be fighting to get something back that you don't really want because of guilt more than anything.

 

If you were to get back together you would have to be certain you could both work it out. Though I cant imagine your sex life improving much when she's gonna feel like the minute she stops having sex with you you're gonna cheat. That will feel bad for you both.

 

Maybe have a really good long think about if you even want it to work before you get in touch again.