Popsicle Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Please help me learn how to do this correctly. I need your guidance. To this is how it's been going for me: -I get on the dating site and get a barrage of messages. -I respond to the ones that seem like i want to get to know better, but rarely does any man there make me feel so attracted to him that I respond to him only. It's more like I feel the same about them all. -So I send a few messages back and forth on the dating site for one night with 10 different guys, none of which know this is happening, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do when they all respond at the same time. -Then, unbelievably, they all give me their number and ask to chat or talk AT THE SAME TIME. This is after only about 2-3 short messages back and forth. Some ask to meet up right away in the next day or two. So, I have 10 guys asking me to do this at the same time. -I feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do. I don't even like chatting/texting/messaging that much to begin with, let alone having to juggle doing it with 10 guys. Plus it just feels disrespectful and the avalanche effect makes it unfun. I am not a player but this makes me feel like one. I just want one guy but I don't know how to get to that point. I don't know how to do this, tell me how to do it (especially the ladies who have successfully navigated OLD please)? 1
Keenly Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Oh no... You have TEN SUITORS AT ONCE!? What ever will you do???? HumbleBrag. Pick a few. Talk to them. It's not going to hurt. 3
RoseVille Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Trial and error. If you're a hot commodity, this will happen. So just try responding back to only a couple at a time. 2
Toodaloo Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Work at keeping it simple. Make sure you limit your on line time so it doesn't all get too much. If it gets too much just walk away from it. As for "how to OLD" do any of us know??? There are no rules. Set your own boundaries and stick by them. 1
Vintage79 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I don't know why this is difficult - just respond to fewer people...read a bit more about the guys you're contemplating responding to, and instead of responding to 10, respond to 2...problem solved... 3
Jejangles Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I don't know why this is difficult - just respond to fewer people...read a bit more about the guys you're contemplating responding to, and instead of responding to 10, respond to 2...problem solved... Yes, this. Pick a couple to respond to one night, respond to a couple of others the next. There's no rule that you have to respond right away. And if they then respond right away, get back to them on your own time. This will naturally pace it and you will find some drop off, some are keen, some will suggest meeting then you will never hear from them again. It's best to show that you have a life going on anyway, so if they want to chat, say tonight is not good for me how about [set time]. 2
xcupid Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Pick the best candidates. Get to know them a bit more. Narrow them down. The others, throw them back into the pool. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 This will seem counter intuitive. But focus on guys that ask for your number after 2-3 emails tops. Since they actually want to meet, they'll be more likely to have confidence in person. Remember, a guy that actually wants to email for awhile does so because he either has to work up the nerve or he has no real intention of meeting. For some reason, women feel like they have to "get to know" a guy before meeting. However, emails, calls, and texts have no bearing on how you'll actually get along. Plus, you'll be in a well lit public place. So what's the worst that can happen? You meet for 30 minutes, find out you're not interested, and leave. But imagine spending 1-2 weeks on emails, calls, and texts to find out the same thing. You just wasted a crap load of your time for nothing. Plus, it's way harder to be in the moment when you've gotten attached and set expectations going in. 3
Gold Pile Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 It possible that a guy or 2 has more than one profile on any free date sites. If I was interacting with a woman with ID #1, I'd then contact her with ID#2 to see if: she was interested in others. she gave standardized answers to all. to ask her questions when I didn't want ID#1 to seem too inquisitive. All that from a non-stalker bloke like me. Imagine what a creep could do. Of course you will legitimately have many suitors.
Author Popsicle Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 I closed my OLD profile for like a month now. It didn't feel good and I just gave up. 3
joseb Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 If someone who is inundated with attention finds OLD no good, what chance have the rest of us?!
Siquijor Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 At least 10 is better than nobody messaging at all
rocketman122 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 shame. if you want to find a partner, youll have to put some effort. youre in a good situation because you have some options to weed through then trying to compromise on small handful of people. a lot of the work is getting them interested and you have guys lining up. weed through those youre not attracted to and go on a date. meet face to face in a public place. never say never. and as a pro photographer who knows how to manipulate light and make people look good or bad, pictures lie. good or bad, they are not accurate. you must go and meet. you have to make that effort if you want to find a partner. its work but there will be a guy who youre attracted to and youll click with. text the guy you fancy the most. give him your number. meet asap to keep it hot cause things can change very quickly doing OLD. see how it goes. no good? go back and then contestant number 2. look at the profiles (but maybe do it in stealth mode so they dont think youre so interested when they constantly see you clicking their profile) look at the things you DONT like or willing to compromise on. smoker, height etc.. you ahve to be active and participate to succeed. look at it this way. would you rather a stranger who knows NOTHING about you walk up to you and want to meet you and youll have to go through the date phase only to find out something you dont like after 3-4 dates or would you rather read about in his profile it and then save you the hassle? the profile is there to give some info (some give more some give less) to give you direction. use it. I can tell a lot about a persons profile. how and what they write is important and I look over it. pay attention if they write about themselves or things they like. when they say I like traveling hiking restaurants walks on the beach a good movie. that says nothing about who the person is. its things they like. when they write im warm, and im attentive and I like to help im compassionate, I have a high emotional intelligence, I have good values...that says who they are. that says everything. you cant win if you dont participate.
Toodaloo Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Well Rocket there is also needing a break. I have had what Popsicle has had and its actually really distressing as you don't feel like you are actually getting to know anyone at all. But equally you don't want to turn one down that you think you may get on with because the others may turn out to be a-holes. Its really hard work sometimes. Then there are the droughts where you meet no one at all. 2
Author Popsicle Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 If someone who is inundated with attention finds OLD no good, what chance have the rest of us?! It's not like that. OLD is fine. I just don't do well with a lot of choices. I'm like this in the grocery store too when choosing food. Lol I get overwhelmed easily. I would just rather meet a guy in person the old fashioned way where normally only one guy talks to you and I can focus on just one guy. I like it like that. 3
somecamel Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 This goes for men as well. I rejoined tinder after a dry spell about a month back. The first week was crazy, my phone didn't stop and some of the girls were actually a bit rude when I couldn't reply back straight away:confused: Currently on 74 matches, chatting to a few of them but have the others on hold if it doesn't work out with one of these others. Having a break from it is good as well.
katiegrl Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 It's not like that. OLD is fine. I just don't do well with a lot of choices. I'm like this in the grocery store too when choosing food. Lol I get overwhelmed easily. I would just rather meet a guy in person the old fashioned way where normally only one guy talks to you and I can focus on just one guy. I like it like that. Popsi... ..re your second paragraph, you can do the same with men on line. Pick one (the one you find most intriguing) and focus on him.... a couple of emails, then meet. If you click (mutual spark), date him (just him) Make sure he prefers to focus on one at a time as well. If he is a multi-dater, probably won't work...for obvious reasons. You date until such time you know you've got something special, after which you move on to relationship. If not, you stop dating him and START over. One at a time..... That is exactly how I did, and worked out great for me that way... No confusion! My $.02 FWIW. 1
rocketman122 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 It's not like that. OLD is fine. I just don't do well with a lot of choices. I'm like this in the grocery store too when choosing food. Lol I get overwhelmed easily. I would just rather meet a guy in person the old fashioned way where normally only one guy talks to you and I can focus on just one guy. I like it like that. you can do that. go in choose 2-3 of the ones who contacted you and focus on them. look at their profiles and see who made you read and say "yea, sounds good" and message them back. get their number and call with no id and setup a date. if a date overwhelms you then what will you do with marriage and choosing a dress and flowers and food etc..haha I think OLD dating saves you a lot of time by being able to filter.
bluefeather Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 MOOLTIPAAS lol that's one of my favorites! I have never done OLD before. Wait, one time when AOL came out, I had an online gf if that counts... But the whole sign up and make a profile thing, nope, never done it. I don't think I'm old fashioned. I spend lots of time online. Just... going to a place made specifically where everyone is gathering for the purpose of something related to either love or sex seems to throw me off somehow. It seems like a good idea, but I dunno. Feels like something is missing. Romance? Spontaneity? All women, I met from being at places - school, college, work, public places, etc. I think it's funner to be right there. You see each other right off the bat and there's no... pausing. It's all live. Unscripted. No time to think about the next step! You just go. See, I type out all these words, but I have had minutes to think about them. Now that does not always happen irl lol... Is there OLD that is focused on webcam chat? That might be more realistic. I saw a video of the thing called Chat Roulette, and although it wasn't meant for dating, I thought something like that might be pretty interesting for OLD. Also, is there an online-friend site? I'm not looking for a romantic partner right now, but hey it's still cool to talk to girls. I guess I should just start going out again. :/
Toodaloo Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I would just rather meet a guy in person the old fashioned way where normally only one guy talks to you and I can focus on just one guy. I like it like that. Wouldn't we all! It was so much simpler that way. With On line though if you do not respond quickly they assume that you are not interested or are second choice. So they do not like it if you go back later. Also the chances of clicking at that first meeting are slim. That is why I like to actually meet people as soon as possible and talk to them face to face. That way at least you have an answer to the question and your not hanging around talking to 10 different guys and getting in a pickle over it all. Sometimes there is just no way to choose. Its like saying that pasta is better than fruit. Both are so different but equally yummy in their own ways that if you had to make a choice it would be impossible. I am lucky at the moment as its all gone quiet. There was one chap I was very interested in meeting but after him asking whats next constantly I got fed up and basically told him to ask me out or shut up! He has shut up!!! I guess that resolves that problem and answers that question!!!
joseb Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 It's not like that. OLD is fine. I just don't do well with a lot of choices. I'm like this in the grocery store too when choosing food. Lol I get overwhelmed easily. I would just rather meet a guy in person the old fashioned way where normally only one guy talks to you and I can focus on just one guy. I like it like that. Ok yeah I get the supermarket apology. That kinda shytes me too. For me, OLD was like going into a communist era store with empty shelves and almost nothing edible to sell I much prefer real life dating myself. 3
Toodaloo Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I much prefer real life dating myself. So do I but I find trying to meet the sort of people I want to meet is actually really really hard in real life. Because like me they are off doing their own thing not really paying attention. I talk to loads of people in real life. Men, women of all ages etc so its not that I am anti social or closing myself off. Its just that to be blunt most of them are married... those that are not are intimidated... so I end up getting asked out by REALLY unsuitable men in real life... Sucks because I would much prefer it that way.
oberkeat Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I think Popsicle's "problem" is a perfect example of why OLD doesn't work for men. As I've said before, women online have too many options because of the huge male to female ratio on those sites. You get 40 guys messaging one woman, and so most guys, a lot of them really good catches, just fall through the cracks if she settles on one of them (and don't forget, a lot of girls become serial daters that date endlessly and never settle on any one guy). I have a hard time believing anyone actually finds a relationship online: the women have a clogged inbox, and most men have one that's totally empty.
bluefeather Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Popsicle got put off by OLD and then she withdrew. I imagine there are a lot of really cool women out there who go through the same thing. I'm a guy who is kind of put off by it too and I've never tried it. I imagine if there is someone like me, they are probably not on a site, just like I'm not. Sounds kind of sad now that I think about it.
Frank2thepoint Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Ah, to experience the amount of attention from women for a day, just like many women do from men nearly all the time on OLD. That sure would be grand. And really exhausting too. Glad I don't have that problem.
Recommended Posts