Redrex Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Hi First time poster here. I live in London and have been going through a breakup with my 5 year GF. She left because of my behavior , probably drinking too much and generally not seeing the relationship was heading for the rocks. I was a bachelor for many years and had gone out on lots of dates but never really settled down. I met this girl who was some years younger and we fell in love. When she moved in after 3 years i had to modify my bachelor lifestyle ( cut out beers on week nights ) Anyway i am currently 18 days into no contact and she has not called. The thing is she still has a lot of clothing here plus important things like her Degree diploma's etc. I have asked her to move them out but she wont. She says she still loves me , misses me etc , but refused to meet up with me for a lunch. Am i clinging on to the hope she'll come back or does she just not want the drama of collecting things? Thanks in advance
GorillaTheater Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 It's up to you to figure out whether you really want her stuff gone, or whether on some level you're content to have her stuff remain out of some hope that it serves as an excuse or basis to get her to "come back", but I'll tell you what you need to do if you want her stuff gone, and what you should do in any event: Find a storage facility; they're common in the US and I'd guess in the UK as well. Rent a storage unit for a month, mover her stuff there, and mail her the key letting her know when the rental expires. After that it's her problem and not yours. 1
GoBlue Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 You're the only one who can answer the question you posed. Let me ask you a question, what would change if she did come back? Are you ready to totally alter your life and make a real commitment? Come on man, most woman don't want to be a live-in girlfriend year-after-year. Have you even considered marriage? Honestly, what is it that you are looking for? If you can answer those questions then you probably will figure out what your next step should be. As far as the secondary issue, when she needs her things bad enough she'll figure it out and come get them. Hope it all works out.
casey.lives Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 i knew without a doubt my relationship with my ex was over, his new girl was always driving by our house, so it was easy for me to tell what to do with his leftover belongings. In your case, I think you should ask him permission to sell it and see what he says????
Author Redrex Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 You're the only one who can answer the question you posed. Let me ask you a question, what would change if she did come back? Are you ready to totally alter your life and make a real commitment? Come on man, most woman don't want to be a live-in girlfriend year-after-year. Have you even considered marriage? Honestly, what is it that you are looking for? If you can answer those questions then you probably will figure out what your next step should be. As far as the secondary issue, when she needs her things bad enough she'll figure it out and come get them. Hope it all works out. Hi guys, thanks for replies . I have thought about marriage , in fact i asked her to marry me , ring and all , at Xmas.Xmas. I've got to 45 YO , and never proposed to anyone before. She accepted, but stated that my behavior had changed her feelings for me over the past 6 months.. I wasn't abusive , violent or anything like that , but i guess i took my eye of the ball and started taking her for granted. I love her more than ive ever loved anyone. I mentioned my bachelor life style as i know , previously i could have a few beers during the week and there was no one to consider. My GF drinks very rarely , works out and , because i'm older than her, had concerns about my lifestyle.She definitely wanted a child with me and told me quite clearly this was part of the deal. I know i probably sound like a lot of dumped grieving guys , but she was a really great girl , who all my friends and family adored.To make it worse , i manage a staff team in a social work office. She works there too , though for a different team. I feel i have completely blown it. I have taken a few weeks off work , re-joined the gym and play football twice a week ( soccer ). I am determined i wont contact her as i do feel the benefits of it , however , she is on my mind most of the time.
Phoenixashes Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Box all of her items. Let her know this. Lunch isn't necessary. You can being it by or she can pick it up within a week. They keep you in a limbo. Last thing needed.
Author Redrex Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) Hi all I wrote last month about my ex not collecting her clothes , important documents , as well returning keys to my flat. New development ; i went no contact on 12 July. never did i contact her during this period , despite many lonely hours where i wanted to hear her voice. I joined a local gym and tried to get on with my life as best i could. Well anyway on 12th August , my 46th birthday , she messages me first thing in morning , all bubbly , and wishing me a happy birthday.. tells me that she is thinking about me today , as she does every day and that she hopes i enjoy my day.She hopes i'm OK ends with XXX. she knows i'm not at work today ( we work at same place, so she knows my car is not at work ,, i have reserved parking place ) .. Can any one offer opinion as to why i didn't just receive a Happy Birthday message .. no need for " i'm thinking of you , as i do every day " I left reply for 12 hours and messaged back" Thanks , I'm Good X " The thing is . i now feel guilty for not giving her a more detailed reply , such as " i love you madly . please come back " Have i done the right thing ? Edited August 14, 2015 by Redrex
Adametokillfor Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I think she was feeling you out with the "thinking of you" you replying the way you did may lead her to believe that you do not want to try again or that you are not thinking about her. I think you should let her know how you feel. Either you guys work on it or she was just being nice and does not want to work on it. I wish you the best. Relationships are wonderful when they are done right.
Chi townD Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Dude, guess what. She just wished you a Happy Birthday. That's it. Nothing more than that. Anything else was just filler. Means nothing other than Happy Birthday. So, Happy Birthday!
Author Redrex Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 Hi all I posted in August about the situation with me and my ex. I asked opinions on why you thought she didn't collect her things from my flat. Well here we are in November and almost all of her winter clothing , boots , hats & scarfs are still here. Now she likes her clothes , so most of the stuff, of which there are many , are not cheap stuff to be binned. She has messaged me repeatedly. Told me i look great when she seen me at work , met me a couple of times , had wild sex on one occasion , but says she is still unsure of coming back to me. Let there be no doubt , i needed to seriously review my behavior.. no cheating or domestic violence , but rather cut down / stop my drinking and generally pay her more attention. She has messaged me that she loves me , misses me , would " die " if i met someone else. She has always instigated messages. Last time we saw each other was on 8th October. We attended a football game together. we left with her saying she 'd be in touch . Since then , nothing. i have not contacted her since, as she is the one being indecisive. I also did not contact her at her birthday which was during this period. To make matters worse, i have to see her at work. We don't work in same team , but do work in same building , so the chance of bumping into each other is always there. I know i'll probably get replies telling me to dump her stuff, have a friend deliver it etc.. As is probably obvious i'm nuts about this woman and would love her to come back. I have modified my behavior, but don't have the chance to show her i'm willing to change. Anyway, i'm probably hoping against hope. No contact now for 5 weeks, passed her at work a couple of times. I still think she looks as hot as i did when i first chased her 5 years ago. What should i do about her clothes , photo albums , University Degree Diplomas etc , that she has left here?,,, why has she not collected them? Thanks in advance
mightycpa Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 She's manipulating you. The message is essentially: Get your **** together, and you can't move on until you do. I'm waiting.One has to assume that she won't wait forever. So, either you should be truly willing to change your ways (difficult, especially when held at gunpoint) or you want to crack open a beer and go chase skirts until you can secure another. Instead, you appear to be hanging out in limbo-land, being neither hot nor cold. Come up with an action plan, tell her you want to review it, and that she's got to be on board with it. I mean, if it is time for you to **** or get off the pot, I think that's a two-way street. The other alternative is to box all that **** up, bring it by the office on Saturday, and wait for all hell to break loose on Monday. Do something, even if it is wrong.
GorillaTheater Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 That advice I gave you back in July? About a short-term rental on a storage unit and sending her the key? Still stands. But the larger question seems to be what you need to be doing in your life. I'd say it's well past time to move on. Life is short, brother. Certainly too short for this wishy-washy nonsense you're getting from her.
Author Redrex Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 Thanks for replies . GT .. thanks again.. your advice has been consistent and i guess your'e right. So difficult to force someone to cut the final ties when it's the last thing you want. I suppose i'll have to do it for her as i'm fed up seeing her stuff in my wardrobe. I'm off work next week and think i will pack all her stuff up and leave them at her mothers house. save's seeing her that way. This relationship stuff dose'n't get any easier 1
qubist Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Thanks for replies . GT .. thanks again.. your advice has been consistent and i guess your'e right. So difficult to force someone to cut the final ties when it's the last thing you want. I suppose i'll have to do it for her as i'm fed up seeing her stuff in my wardrobe. I'm off work next week and think i will pack all her stuff up and leave them at her mothers house. save's seeing her that way. This relationship stuff dose'n't get any easier pack her stuff and give her very last chance. tell her that you are fed up and can't spend the rest of your life waiting for her to make a decision. some sort of ultimatum. tell her she either come back and commit or you are dropping her stuff at her mother's and that will be it for good. PS: you must've taken her to an Arsenal game Oct 8th
Amelie1980 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Hi all I posted in August about the situation with me and my ex. I asked opinions on why you thought she didn't collect her things from my flat. Well here we are in November and almost all of her winter clothing , boots , hats & scarfs are still here. Now she likes her clothes , so most of the stuff, of which there are many , are not cheap stuff to be binned. She has messaged me repeatedly. Told me i look great when she seen me at work , met me a couple of times , had wild sex on one occasion , but says she is still unsure of coming back to me. Let there be no doubt , i needed to seriously review my behavior.. no cheating or domestic violence , but rather cut down / stop my drinking and generally pay her more attention. She has messaged me that she loves me , misses me , would " die " if i met someone else. She has always instigated messages. Last time we saw each other was on 8th October. We attended a football game together. we left with her saying she 'd be in touch . Since then , nothing. i have not contacted her since, as she is the one being indecisive. I also did not contact her at her birthday which was during this period. To make matters worse, i have to see her at work. We don't work in same team , but do work in same building , so the chance of bumping into each other is always there. I know i'll probably get replies telling me to dump her stuff, have a friend deliver it etc.. As is probably obvious i'm nuts about this woman and would love her to come back. I have modified my behavior, but don't have the chance to show her i'm willing to change. Anyway, i'm probably hoping against hope. No contact now for 5 weeks, passed her at work a couple of times. I still think she looks as hot as i did when i first chased her 5 years ago. What should i do about her clothes , photo albums , University Degree Diplomas etc , that she has left here?,,, why has she not collected them? Thanks in advance So let me make sure I am crystal clear on this issue...you work in the same building but you dont know what to do with her stuff?! Why not? It is screamingly simple: you box up her stuff and when she is away from her desk or on lunch or before she arrives you dump it on her chair and desk. What could be simpler. Giving it to her mother etc...you're just holding out for some kind of connection. Dump her stuff on her chair and leave it.
Author Redrex Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 Thanks Amelie Yep , you're right .. i am holding out for some kind of connection..Wrong , i know .. but shoot me. I'm not talking about a couple of items of clothing. I'm talking about 20 coats , a multitude of boots , shoes etc.. I'm not trying to sound an ******* , but there is no way i'm airing my business at my place of work. i manage a large pool of staff , and my ex works for a different team in the same building. In my book that's not appropriate to enter her office and leave a load of refuge sacks full of her things at her desk They'll go to her mothers , and nobody at work will get to see it Thanks for advice
Amelie1980 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Thanks Amelie Yep , you're right .. i am holding out for some kind of connection..Wrong , i know .. but shoot me. I'm not talking about a couple of items of clothing. I'm talking about 20 coats , a multitude of boots , shoes etc.. I'm not trying to sound an ******* , but there is no way i'm airing my business at my place of work. i manage a large pool of staff , and my ex works for a different team in the same building. In my book that's not appropriate to enter her office and leave a load of refuge sacks full of her things at her desk They'll go to her mothers , and nobody at work will get to see it Thanks for advice Ah. I thought it was just a few items you could put under the desk when no one was around at work and with no one noticing. That would be hell to take on the tube to work assuming you work in central London too. I would send a taxi to her place, or place it in storage or something. Arent we all holding out for an ex? At least you got more sex with her!!
qubist Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 This thing can drag forever if you don't stop it now. You have to give her an ultimatum. Give her a deadline if she doesn't come back just dump her stuff at her place and move on
Author Redrex Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 Quibist Thanks for replies I know you're right. There will be no ultimatum , but rather a text message advising her that her stuff will be delivered. All very business like i am sad to say. But by her keeping her things here i think she is still keeping me hanging on. I'm sure she is genuinely unsure , but that's no good to me . I've waited long enough. By the way It wasn't Arsenal game .. It was Scotland V Poland in Glasgow. We're both Scottish
Amelie1980 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Quibist Thanks for replies I know you're right. There will be no ultimatum , but rather a text message advising her that her stuff will be delivered. All very business like i am sad to say. But by her keeping her things here i think she is still keeping me hanging on. I'm sure she is genuinely unsure , but that's no good to me . I've waited long enough. By the way It wasn't Arsenal game .. It was Scotland V Poland in Glasgow. We're both Scottish I left stuff at my exes place just because I couldnt be bothered to get it back. I am talking like two things though. You dnt think he thinks I am hanging on do you?
inrepair Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 I actually think bringing her stuff to work is a TERRIBLE idea. Never bring your personal problems into the workplace, even if you do work in the same building. 1
lolablue17 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 There is nothing sexier than a guy who doesn't care.... :-) If you send her her stuff, and further more, if you start dating someone you'll become very hot and desirable. But don't be tempted. The same day you will agree to take her back, is the day you become unattractive again.
Amelie1980 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 There is nothing sexier than a guy who doesn't care.... :-) If you send her her stuff, and further more, if you start dating someone you'll become very hot and desirable. But don't be tempted. The same day you will agree to take her back, is the day you become unattractive again. That is actually true. I once dumped a bf who was behaving badly. Then he was all over me like a lost puppy. He totally changed. Was the guy he always should have been. i took him back and he did it again.
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