JamesThomas Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Okay so earlier this year I broke up with my ex girlfriend, we had been together for 3 years. After 5 months later I felt like I was finally over her and then this woman came along. I had seen her at a party the year before and then again this year. Just thinking about it makes my heart sink... At this party we started talking. I didn't think much of her at first but the more we talked the more I liked her and the more I wanted to see of her. So we started to see eachother and it was quite clear that we had feelings for eachother and I took her out on a date and told her how I felt that night. Nothing happened and I kissed her on the forehead, hugged her and said I'd see her later. Over the space of a month things slowly became really fast, we felt so close to eachother, had sex maybe twice a day, I was falling in love with her and her in love with me. However there were problems. She told me about how she'd often break up with a guy, how she has insecurities and how it scares her. This was ather obvious because she'd get jealous or angry at me, sometimes calling me names like "f*cking a*shole!" all because she wanted to argue at 2am and I was so tired that I fell asleep. She'd get angry or say something that would hurt me and then say "sorry..." over and over and I'd forgive her. I will admit that I myself am not without fault and that I also got cold towards her sometimes but I never once called her names or shouted at her. Last week I had stayed with her for 5 days because I was pretty much homeless and she took me in. It was not an easy week I can tell you but I truly did believe in fighting for it. On the Friday, an hour before I moved into a new place, she confronted me asking me why it said I am not in a relationship on Facebook. I said it didn't matter because I loved her and she doesn't even have Facebook. She got angry and almost bought me to tears but then almost begged me to stay, saying sorry over and over, hugging me, me pretending not to care even though I was really in pain. The next night I messaged her asking to meet me at a bar because I was feeling sad because of what had happened and I wanted to talk about it. She never showed up but instead my friend at the time did, took a picture of me and then walked out again and posted it to all of my friends. No she was not cheating on me with him, he has a girlfriend and is not the cheating type. So I went home and texted her telling her I felt betrayed and how dare she do that to me? I then told her that I didn't think we should be together anymore because I felt so hurt and betrayed by her. Since then thing have got worse... She slowly became colder and colder towards me and has now blocked me completely and will not speak to me. The fact of the matter is that I bloody love her, I wanted to make a future with her and I know she loved me. My heart is aching, I can't stop crying, one day I think I'm fine but then the pain comes back and I miss her so so much. I haven't eaten for days. I try to think of all the bad things that she said and did to me but my love for her keeps clouding everything and making me miss her and want her back. She's not the slutty type really she's quite down to earth, works in a charity shop and all that. I feel so empty inside, I didn't even feel this much pain when me and my girlfriend of 3 years broke up. I have nobody to talk to and I am so alone, I keep thinking about how things could have been different, thinking about all of our good times. How can I fix it or get over her??? I just can't seem to let go of hope that things will be okay again and that she's just angry and upset. It feels as though my life has come crashing down and I've lost everything The things she said and did to me, the fact that she stated she hasn't done well in relationships before. They are the things keeping me sane. But she also said that she wanted to work on making things work, making herself better but I could also see that she was a bit emotionally unstable. I know that me breaking up with her was probably for the best but this pain is just too much and I miss her every day and want to be with her. Please can I get some advice on how to get over her? The main problem is that I may move back to England soon and I know that if I do that then I will never see her again and will destroy any chance of ever making a future with her.
RlyConfused Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 When i was in your situation i just blocked all contacts with her and waited for the pain to go down. It took me about 7 months to not give a **** about her anymore. Somehow It's always harder to let go an emotionaly unstable girl, I think It's because they **** up our brains pretty bad... 1
Author JamesThomas Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 When i was in your situation i just blocked all contacts with her and waited for the pain to go down. It took me about 7 months to not give a **** about her anymore. Somehow It's always harder to let go an emotionaly unstable girl, I think It's because they **** up our brains pretty bad... I think that another underlying issue is that she sometimes reminded me of an ex almost looked a bit like her too sometimes and that ex was the first person to break my heart. I suppose that some part of me is has opened them old wounds in relation to this which is why it hurts so much. It's not often that a woman can make me cry but damn I've never cried so hard over a woman as I have over her.
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 You remind yourself that she was an emotional unstable person & she was a rebound. Given the similarities with your EX you were using her as a substitute. Enjoy your new place. Never mind about her
Author JamesThomas Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 You remind yourself that she was an emotional unstable person & she was a rebound. Given the similarities with your EX you were using her as a substitute. Enjoy your new place. Never mind about her Not once did I say that my ex was an emotional and unstable wreck.
Chi townD Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Okay, your story isn't making any sense. In this thread you stated that you ended it with her because she was being disrespectful. But, In someone else's thread, you stated that she ended it with you. You weren't the boyfriend of the year and one night in bed she told you it was over. You begged her but she wasn't having it. The next morning she went to work and you found a note that said, "Leave the keys in the mailbox". And now you're living in a hostel. So, which story is it?
Author JamesThomas Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Okay, your story isn't making any sense. In this thread you stated that you ended it with her because she was being disrespectful. But, In someone else's thread, you stated that she ended it with you. You weren't the boyfriend of the year and one night in bed she told you it was over. You begged her but she wasn't having it. The next morning she went to work and you found a note that said, "Leave the keys in the mailbox". And now you're living in a hostel. So, which story is it? Yes that's true but a month ago I started to get my life back on track and I met a nice woman and we started to date eachother and I was feeling happy again until Sunday.
Chi townD Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Yes that's true but a month ago I started to get my life back on track and I met a nice woman and we started to date eachother and I was feeling happy again until Sunday. Okay, so this is an ENTIRELY different woman then, right?
Author JamesThomas Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Yes indeed it is but now it's starting to sound like an enquirey lol.
GoBlue Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 How do you get over her? Well, you have to start by taking those rose colored glasses off! The way you described this relationship made Red Flags pop up everywhere. Do you know the difference between infatuation and love? Between sex and commitment? Anyone who gets into bed with a guy multiple times within the first couple weeks of dating, and then instantly displays patterns of jealousy and anger, obviously has insecurities to work through. Are you ready to take all of that on? Do you believe that the way the two of you communicated is healthy and conducive to closeness and intimacy? Taking several steps back and looking at the reality of this thing would be very helpful. Have you considered speaking with a counselor or some other relationship expert? When two people move as fast as you did, becoming so physically attached before developing any real relationship, it's pretty hard to turn that ship in a different direction. Sex is not a relationship - it's glue that binds people together in commitment. Hope you both get some help and make a very healthy decision. Good luck.
Chi townD Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Okay, then my advice to you is to not date for a while. Now, please don't take this the wrong way; but, your life is kind of a mess right now. I mean, your living arraignments are kind of shaky from day to day. You seem to have some anger issues that need to be addressed. The point I'm trying to make is that you need to take control of the only thing you can take control of, and THAT'S YOU!!! Start making positive changes in your life. Work on getting a better paying job so you can afford an apartment or a flat of your own. It might take you going back to school in order to do that. Enrollment in College's and Universities in the US, Canada and the UK are at an all time low. If you wanted to go to school, they WILL find you the money in the form of scholarships and grants. Take advantage of every opportunity. Get to a gym and start running your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. This will help you burn off the stress and frustrations you're having. Plus, if you eat right and get plenty of sleep, you'll be working on that ripped and rock hard bod, that girls are definitely going to like. Then, talk to someone about your anger issues, or what sets you off. Get control of it. Start working on YOU! Make positive changes in your life. Make good things happen for yourself, and they will once you get a handle on everything.
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