Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 While I realize you are uniquely and devastatingly handsome and attractive to women, everywhere, and of all ages...you might not want to hang your hat on the thought that this hostess, too, desperately wanted you. I used to date a man who owned a bar; he tended the bar, along with his employees. Rule #1 taught on Day #1 by him to his employees: comp your regular patrons a drink. During each shift he'd tend, he'd often comp each and every patron a drink throughout the evening. People who've been drinking have a tendency to buy more drinks and more expensive drinks and more rounds of drinks for others the more they drink and their inhibitions go further out the window. A comped drink leaves the customer with a sense of 'belonging'; people will return to a place where they feel they belong. What you've determined is the hostess' interest in you may be nothing more than her honoring her boss' request to separate a fool from his money quicker/more frequently/in higher amounts than when leaving said fool to his own natural devices. I'm not a regular patron. I had never been there before. So, sorry, your "rule" does not apply. I love all of these attempts by women on this forum to ignore the obvious.
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Dan, what is your end game with the boasting of all the girls that lust after you in multiple threads? I am not sure if you are trolling or looking for people to admire you. I want to keep sharp and alert when it happens again. Documenting it allows me to highlight it so I can be more aware of it.
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Actually, it does, in my case. Sorry you are mad. I'm not mad. All I'm saying is you may have been misreading the situation. I'm happy for you that they bought you drinks. I agree that the married woman who gave you her # was up for more than just platonic conversation. I can't automatically say the same for the hostess or the other woman who was eyeing you. You may very well be correct but on the chance that you are over reading the situation I suggested you power down before you embarrassed yourself. 1
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 I'm not mad. All I'm saying is you may have been misreading the situation. I'm happy for you that they bought you drinks. I agree that the married woman who gave you her # was up for more than just platonic conversation. I can't automatically say the same for the hostess or the other woman who was eyeing you. You may very well be correct but on the chance that you are over reading the situation I suggested you power down before you embarrassed yourself. If only this made any sense. I don't power down, hun. I power up. Get over it.
MissBee Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 A couple of married women approached me tonight at a happy hour. One woman I had never met before. The other was a woman I had met a couple of months ago (we briefly said hello). What is the line for "acceptable behavior" if you are married? We talked for about an hour. She bought me a drink and gave me her cell number. She suggested the drink and gave me the number on her initiative. I won't follow up on this one, probably not even as friends. Did she "cross the line" of acceptable behavior? Or, can her behavior still be considered within acceptable boundaries for someone who is married? I was expecting this to be a blurry case of boundaries, but it's not. A married woman at a bar buying another man a drink, talking to him for an hour and then giving him her number is pretty clearly inappropriate in my book. Unless of course, she and her husband are in on this and he is okay with her picking up other men and they have that kind of relationship, which some couples do. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 If only this made any sense. I don't power down, hun. I power up. Get over it. Get over what? You asked a Q about the behavior of a married woman concerning drinks she bought you. I don't care if you drink for free for the rest of your life. Not my issue. If you are so confident that you believe practically every woman who looks at you or talks to you, wants to have sex with you, then you have a pretty healthy ego. Since I don't know you I can't say if your level of self esteem is warranted or delusional. All I'm saying is perhaps don't lead with it. There's a big difference between confident & cocky, the later being unattractive. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 There's a big difference between confident & cocky, the later being unattractive. Amen to this. 1
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Get over what? You asked a Q about the behavior of a married woman concerning drinks she bought you. I don't care if you drink for free for the rest of your life. Not my issue. If you are so confident that you believe practically every woman who looks at you or talks to you, wants to have sex with you, then you have a pretty healthy ego. Since I don't know you I can't say if your level of self esteem is warranted or delusional. All I'm saying is perhaps don't lead with it. There's a big difference between confident & cocky, the later being unattractive. Obviously you care a lot, based upon how frequently you are posting in this thread. I don't have to lead with anything, hun. The women come to me. I am not being either confident or cocky. I am simply documenting what is. You mad?
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Amen to this. Like I said, this is not a matter of confidence or cockiness. I am simply documenting what is for future reference.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Like I said, this is not a matter of confidence or cockiness. I am simply documenting what is for future reference. Okay. Good to know and good luck. Michelle OUT! 1
Gary S Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Where do you draw the line for married people? - if it looks like he/she's on a date with someone other than the spouse, it's wrong.
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Where do you draw the line for married people? - if it looks like he/she's on a date with someone other than the spouse, it's wrong. I think that's what the hostess was thinking.
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 The double standard and hypocrisy on this forum is really hilarious and ridiculously obvious. If I talk to a woman and give her a hug, even as a single man, then I'm "leading them on." If a MARRIED (michelle reference) woman approaches me, buys me a drink and gives me her number, oh, how could I possibly think she has sexual intentions. Women approach men all the time, buy them drinks all the time and give out their numbers all the time! That's just NORMAL conversation! LMFAO!! The twisted illogic and double standard is spot on. Love it! Thanks donnivain for keeping your head up your butt!
mrldii Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I'm not a regular patron. I had never been there before. So, sorry, your "rule" does not apply. I love all of these attempts by women on this forum to ignore the obvious. Oh, silly boy...I wasn't directing that at you; that was for all the other men who are not the stellar specimen that you are who might misinterpret simple 'good business sense' for something it's not. No, Dan Millar, I am self-aware and in tune enough - and not ashamed to admit - that, as a woman, I realize the only reason I take breaths each minute of every day is to keep me alive and on kicking for the chance of a face-to-face encounter with YOU. The possibility of it actually happening one day is what makes me arise each morning and continue to put one foot in front of the other. Yeah, no. That was all a lie, filled with dripping sarcasm. But it is, no doubt, what you see when reading women's responses to you, whether they be online or in real life. 2
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Oh, silly boy...I wasn't directing that at you; that was for all the other men who are not the stellar specimen that you are who might misinterpret simple 'good business sense' for something it's not. No, Dan Millar, I am self-aware and in tune enough - and not ashamed to admit - that, as a woman, I realize the only reason I take breaths each minute of every day is to keep me alive and on kicking for the chance of a face-to-face encounter with YOU. The possibility of it actually happening one day is what makes me arise each morning and continue to put one foot in front of the other. Yeah, no. That was all a lie, filled with dripping sarcasm. But it is, no doubt, what you see when reading women's responses to you, whether they be online or in real life. You're just mad that you were wrong.
autumnnight Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 My initial reaction to reading your post is that she probably crossed a line buying you a drink and she DEFINITELY crossed a line giving you her number. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Okay clearly I couldn't stay away. Twisted illogic? I think it's you is who doing the twisting my friend. I'm not sure where you get off twisting our words. Your post was about boundaries and if these married women crossed a line by buying you a drink and leaving you their phone numbers. You asked for our point of view regarding their actions and I think the responses you received were more than fair and logical. In fact I think most people's response was "It depends". How did that turn into illogical and double standards? And who said a hug from a single man would lead a woman on? I'm Italian and hugging and kissing on the cheeks even with strangers is absolute commonplace. It doesn't mean I want to f*ck them or vice versa. In my culture it's the way we greet people. Full stop. 1
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Okay clearly I couldn't stay away. Twisted illogic? I think it's you is who doing the twisting my friend. I'm not sure where you get off twisting our words. Your post was about boundaries and if these married women crossed a line by buying you a drink and leaving you their phone numbers. You asked for our point of view regarding their actions and I think the responses you received were more than fair and logical. In fact I think most people's response was "It depends". How did that turn into illogical and double standards? And who said a hug from a single man would lead a woman on? I'm Italian and hugging and kissing on the cheeks even with strangers is absolute commonplace. It doesn't mean I want to f*ck them or vice versa. In my culture it's the way we greet people. Full stop. Check out the "friendzone" thread in the gen. relationships section. Some of the posters are saying I am leading women on by smiling and talking with women, and that hugging them means I'm trying to break their hearts. And yeah, I knew you'd be back.
kendahke Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 She never mentioned she was married. She was wearing a ring. She also used the term "we" to refer to, well, someone. As in, "we traveled to canada." Most likely her husband, but she did not mention him specifically in that context. And you didn't ask if she was married?
katiegrl Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Dan, what is your end game with the boasting of all the girls that lust after you in multiple threads? I am not sure if you are trolling or looking for people to admire you. Excessive boasting is actually a sign of INSECURITY. I feel sort of sorry for him...certainly NOT admiration that's for sure. Of course, HE will most likely respond with "but you haven't seen me." Which is just more boasting. I think he is a former poster who was banned for doing the same thing.
kendahke Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 That's a bit dramatic. Unless she's trying to unbutton his pants under the table he's allowed to have a drink with a married woman. Married people are not all evil and trying to get everybody wrapped up in a twisted affair. Sometimes a drink is just a drink. A lot are, though... hence the cheating and infidelity threads here being so active. And sometimes that drink is an entre into something they have no business indulging. but OP did ask: Did she "cross the line" of acceptable behavior? Or, can her behavior still be considered within acceptable boundaries for someone who is married? and that is my answer if her behavior bothered him so much that he came to strangers on a message board to ask their opinions. I think a married person giving someone they're not married to their cell phone number and it's not business related is shady as fvcque.
mrldii Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 You're just mad that you were wrong. B-Bu-But, I'm NOT "wrong"...I really did date a guy who owned - and tended - his own bar. And, I'm NOT "mad"...while he was one of the most exciting men I've ever dated, alas...I had to break up with him when I realized he was a severe alcoholic (never drank a drop during the week, while on duty) and out-of-control gambler, who would drink and play cards at a local club for 48 - 72 hours straight, pretty much every weekend. In case you haven't figured it out, I don't get along very well for very long with people who have a tendency to do things - anythings - to excess. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 What about buying a man you just met at a bar a drink? I don't buy men drinks. But I can guarantee you my husband would throw a fit if I did, and he'd boot my ass out if I were sleazy enough to hand the guy my phone number. 2
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