danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 A couple of married women approached me tonight at a happy hour. One woman I had never met before. The other was a woman I had met a couple of months ago (we briefly said hello). What is the line for "acceptable behavior" if you are married? We talked for about an hour. She bought me a drink and gave me her cell number. She suggested the drink and gave me the number on her initiative. I won't follow up on this one, probably not even as friends. Did she "cross the line" of acceptable behavior? Or, can her behavior still be considered within acceptable boundaries for someone who is married?
casey.lives Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 some people never care about boundaries. it varies .. a lot 1
Popsicle Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Most flirtatious married people just want a thrill. They could care less if they are crossing anybody's boundary and would deny it if accused. 2
Toodaloo Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 If it is clear that it is just friends then thats fine. If there is even so much as a sniff of anything else thats not fine. Silly flirting is silly flirting. Along the lines something will be said to make sure it is known that it is silly flirting... If not then thats crossing a boundary.
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Everybody draws the line in a different place Talking to a member of the opposite sex, in a public place, even a bar is not cheating or even disrespectful, IMO. It's simply talking. I talk to all sorts of people in all sorts of places none of which has any bearing on my marriage. Handing out phone #s is a different animal. It is slowly inching toward cheating. Why does the married person need to see or talk to you again? I'm not a big fan of "new" opposite sex friends in a marriage. In the last year I have probably given my phone # out to dozens if not hundreds of men because I own a business & want them as customers. I am not seeking friends or more. There is a difference.
Dork Vader Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 This is entirely dependent on the person. Boundaries and what is acceptable in a relationship is a moral choice that varies between people. You have to set your morals and boundaries. This includes what you are willing to do with committed people even if you are single. My best advice is too use this rule. If you would not be okay with your spouse doing it, then you probably should not be doing it with someone else's spouse. If makes you feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or have other wise negative feelings.. It's probably best if you do not do it. If someone walked up too you and said hey let's rob a bank? Would you do it? No.. So why would you even entertain the idea of fooling around with someone's wife? I can tell you I would not care if my wife had casual conversation with a man at a bar. Buying him drinks I would not exactly be thrilled about. Exchanging numbers I would be fairly upset. 1
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 I can tell you I would not care if my wife had casual conversation with a man at a bar. Buying him drinks I would not exactly be thrilled about. Exchanging numbers I would be fairly upset. This sounds reasonable. 2
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Everybody draws the line in a different place Talking to a member of the opposite sex, in a public place, even a bar is not cheating or even disrespectful, IMO. It's simply talking. I talk to all sorts of people in all sorts of places none of which has any bearing on my marriage. Handing out phone #s is a different animal. It is slowly inching toward cheating. Why does the married person need to see or talk to you again? I'm not a big fan of "new" opposite sex friends in a marriage. In the last year I have probably given my phone # out to dozens if not hundreds of men because I own a business & want them as customers. I am not seeking friends or more. There is a difference. What about buying a man you just met at a bar a drink?
kendahke Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 A couple of married women approached me tonight at a happy hour. One woman I had never met before. The other was a woman I had met a couple of months ago (we briefly said hello). What is the line for "acceptable behavior" if you are married? We talked for about an hour. She bought me a drink and gave me her cell number. She suggested the drink and gave me the number on her initiative. I won't follow up on this one, probably not even as friends. Did she "cross the line" of acceptable behavior? Or, can her behavior still be considered within acceptable boundaries for someone who is married? I think you draw the line once they say "I'm married". Energetically, you just withdraw from them. If it's possible, physically get up and tell them "I don't deal with married women" and walk away. Her husband will respect you for that. IMO, unless you two are discussing business, there is no need for a married woman to be giving you her cell phone number; if she does, you put it down on the table and do not pick it back up and tell them "I'm going to respect your marriage even if you won't". 1
mrldii Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 As others have suggested, it varies from culture-to-culture AND person-to-person. As we've recently learned, there are some societies who believe their women should be kept covered from head-to-foot and should never be in the presence of a man who is not related to them by blood or by marriage, let alone in a bar consuming alcohol. Most people in Western societies would probably agree that handing her your phone number and asking you to give her a call is stepping over a line. Unless, of course, she is in an "open" marriage. Or unless one of you is a real estate agent and the other of you is in the market to buy/sell a home.
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 As others have suggested, it varies from culture-to-culture AND person-to-person. As we've recently learned, there are some societies who believe their women should be kept covered from head-to-foot and should never be in the presence of a man who is not related to them by blood or by marriage, let alone in a bar consuming alcohol. Most people in Western societies would probably agree that handing her your phone number and asking you to give her a call is stepping over a line. Unless, of course, she is in an "open" marriage. Or unless one of you is a real estate agent and the other of you is in the market to buy/sell a home. What about buying a drink?
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 I think you draw the line once they say "I'm married". Energetically, you just withdraw from them. If it's possible, physically get up and tell them "I don't deal with married women" and walk away. Her husband will respect you for that. IMO, unless you two are discussing business, there is no need for a married woman to be giving you her cell phone number; if she does, you put it down on the table and do not pick it back up and tell them "I'm going to respect your marriage even if you won't". She never mentioned she was married. She was wearing a ring. She also used the term "we" to refer to, well, someone. As in, "we traveled to canada." Most likely her husband, but she did not mention him specifically in that context.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 OP now I'm curious why you're asking the question? Do YOU think their behavior is inappropriate given that they are MARRIED women?
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 OP now I'm curious why you're asking the question? Do YOU think their behavior is inappropriate given that they are MARRIED women? Hmm, it seems as if you think her behavior was inappropriate hence the caps. I'm really interested in others opinions.
mrldii Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 What about buying a drink? Buying someone a drink would not necessarily be viewed by most in Western cultures as stepping over the line. Again, given my examples, if she's in an open marriage there's no-harm, no-foul between the two of them. Again, if she was a real estate agent who bought a drink for a potential client, I doubt that many people would find a problem with that. Also, if she bought a round of drinks for everyone and it's being presented as "a married woman bought me a drink", while that IS a factual statement, it IS bending the truth in an attempt to create an alternative reality. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding it, YOU are allowed to feel any way you would like to about it and therefore should have refused the drink just on moral principle, alone...iffin it bothers YOU. Likewise, you should have refused to give/accept a phone number...iffin it bothers you.
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 What about buying a man you just met at a bar a drink? Not a big deal. I'd probably buy him one back. Something more expensive then a drink . . . no. Some drink buying is bar culture. It's not necessarily a sexual thing. Whether I'm thirsty or social doesn't mean I'm unfaithful. They are different things. 1
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 If it's possible, physically get up and tell them "I don't deal with married women" and walk away. Her husband will respect you for that. That's a bit dramatic. Unless she's trying to unbutton his pants under the table he's allowed to have a drink with a married woman. Married people are not all evil and trying to get everybody wrapped up in a twisted affair. Sometimes a drink is just a drink. OP just stay within your own boundaries and let them worry about theirs. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Hmm, it seems as if you think her behavior was inappropriate hence the caps. I'm really interested in others opinions. And it would appear that you don't hence the dodge. I doubt very much those women went home and told their husbands about you or that they bought you a drink or even more unlikely that they gave you their number. For those reasons I would say it makes for inappropriate behavior. 2
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) I neglected to mention that the hostess comped me a drink as well. Very pretty blonde gal. It was a busy night. edit: I think that's maybe why she was so surprised when the married gal bought me a drink later on. The hostess bought me a drink, trying to show her interest, and then another woman (married) also did the same. Edited July 30, 2015 by danmillar
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I neglected to mention that the hostess comped me a drink as well. Very pretty blonde gal. It was a busy night. edit: I think that's maybe why she was so surprised when the married gal bought me a drink later on. The hostess bought me a drink, trying to show her interest, and then another woman (married) also did the same. Umm...congratulations? 2
mrldii Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I neglected to mention that the hostess comped me a drink as well... While I realize you are uniquely and devastatingly handsome and attractive to women, everywhere, and of all ages...you might not want to hang your hat on the thought that this hostess, too, desperately wanted you. I used to date a man who owned a bar; he tended the bar, along with his employees. Rule #1 taught on Day #1 by him to his employees: comp your regular patrons a drink. During each shift he'd tend, he'd often comp each and every patron a drink throughout the evening. People who've been drinking have a tendency to buy more drinks and more expensive drinks and more rounds of drinks for others the more they drink and their inhibitions go further out the window. A comped drink leaves the customer with a sense of 'belonging'; people will return to a place where they feel they belong. What you've determined is the hostess' interest in you may be nothing more than her honoring her boss' request to separate a fool from his money quicker/more frequently/in higher amounts than when leaving said fool to his own natural devices. 3
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 I also neglected to mention that there was another beautiful blonde gal that night eyeing me down, repeatedly. She was with her family.
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Buying people drinks really does not only signal sexual interest. I'm happy for you that you were flattered by these gestures but power down. 1
Author danmillar Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Buying people drinks really does not only signal sexual interest. I'm happy for you that you were flattered by these gestures but power down. Actually, it does, in my case. Sorry you are mad.
Walters Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Dan, what is your end game with the boasting of all the girls that lust after you in multiple threads? I am not sure if you are trolling or looking for people to admire you. 4
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