cupcake97 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Hi everybody, I'm new to this forum and it's been two months since the break up but I just need to get this off my mind. I had this boyfriend and we were together for 5 months. It was a real intense relationship though. At first everything was going great we have been dating half a year before we got together. After 2 months or so we got into a little fight, nothing special, but he left my house and I went to bed. I thought he went home but instead he went home to this girl he barely knows from school and slept at her place. We saw each other on Saturday and everything was fine, he didn't tell me anything. On Monday he texted me saying he had to tell me something and that he was unbelievably sorry and it would never happen again, so he told me about how he went to this girls house. He promised me he didn't cheated and I believe him to this day. He called me and he was literally sobbing, telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was. I gave him another chance although this whole thing was really bothering me because my whole trust has been shattered. Anyways, I tried to rebuild my trust but from that moment it was just not the same. A few weeks later, he was acting weird and I asked him what's wrong. He was crying, telling me that he didn't deserve me, and that I was so perfect and kind and that he just didn't know if he still loved me and that he was really confused at the moment. Even though I was really hurt, I tried to motivate him again, telling him that he's worth it and things like that. The next day he was convinced that he loved me , saying he just had a bad day. Again my trust has been kind of destroyed. I was constantly thinking about, if he still loved me, looking for the signs, searching for his approval. It left me empty and I feel like that time I was holding onto him more than ever. Anyways, his birthday came, everything was fine we had the most beautiful night and I really felt like we made it. A week or so later, he slept at my house. I don't know why, because I'm really not the person who controls anybody, I checked his phone. I had the intuition that something was not right. He always hid his phone, most of the time it was turned off when he was with me, but as soon as he left, he was online on whatsapp. So I ended up going through his phone and checked the texts he wrote with his female friend, let's call her Lisa. I know they have been friends before we met and when we got together he stopped seeing her. I always told him to meet her again because I didn't want to be the reason he let his friends down. But he always told me she was annoying him with her drama, he talked quite bad about her over all, saying she got fat and stuff like that. So, like I said, I checked their texts only to see that he told her about our sex life,was flirting with her, he was basically emotionally cheating, talking bad about me and making me look like a complete idiot. He woke up because he heard me crying on the phone with my best friend and I confronted him. He was literally shaking and crying, like I've really never seen him like that before. He was begging and telling me that everything he said to her was a lie and that he lies to her all the time ( he really does, I've seen that as well). The next day he was writing me a letter about how I'm the only thing in his life that makes him truly proud and how he really needs me and that I'm the only person who truly know him. Also he was texting Lisa telling her, that he lied to her and that he really loves me and that they need to stop texting like that. I let a few days pass and gave him another chance, maybe because I didn't have the courage to leave, because I truly loved him with ALL my heart, because I thought he'd turn his words into actions this time. Well, I really tried to rebuild my trust but it just didn't work, I ended up apologizing for the things HE did to me, I came home crying because I felt worthless, I ended up telling myself to stop being so suspicious when really I had every reason to be suspicious. We had a few beautiful moments after and a week before he broke up with me he told me how much he misses me because he was in France with his soccer team. Well, a week later he broke up because " he just couldn't do this anymore blah blah" I was completely broken. I mean 5 hours before, he told me he loved me and even when he broke up he was crying saying things like: you are perfect, there's not one bad thing about you and this is the one of the saddest days of my life, also he kissed and hugged me. A day after he broke up with me he texted me saying he misses me and he just wanted me to know it's not completely over for him. After that he's been sending mixed signals, when he saw me in school he came over to hug me and talk to me all the time, he rubbed my back and played with my hair and stuff like that and I really didn't know what he wanted. 4 weeks later, I saw him with a hickey ( I asked him, and he told me it happened during a drinking game with people from his district- he lied. The hickey was from Lisa) also I saw him at this party and he was making out with her in front of me. I decided to give him back all his presents he gave to me which I actually never planned to do but I was too hurt. As I gave him back his things, he was kind of surprised I would even say he had a sad look in his eyes. After that he didn't say hi anymore, but I feel like he's trying to get my attention. For example he just recently followed my girlfriends on instagram( no he's not close to them). Also, I'm pretty sure he's dating Lisa because he posted a picture of them eating sushi on snapchat ( which he's NEVER done before, he never posted a history on snapchat) but yeah whatever that's about it. I just tell myself to move on because he's not worth it. But he destroyed my self esteem and made me feel completely worthless. And even now after two months I still struggle, sometimes I really miss him and I really don't know what I did to him. I've always been a good girlfriend. I always gave him everything I had until I was left completely empty because all he did was take. And I am definitely not ugly. It's just, he was my first love and I really don't know what to think right now. Do they ever come back to apologize? Did he ever really care? Will he ever see he made a mistake? Will he treat his new girlfriend better? I'd just be thankful for any advice, any similar stories or just words of encouragement PS: I haven't talked to him or texted him for almost 3 weeks, neither did he.
StalwartMind Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 At the moment you may feel he has destroyed your self esteem, but know that it is perfectly fine to feel weak and vulnerable when someone has hurt you. You are not worthless, in fact you have a very good grasp on how you feel and this is to your advantage. Even if this period feels anything but good, you will see with time as you heal, that he is actually the one who is weak. He couldn't treat you better and that will be his loss. You can be a "perfect" person to someone, but they will still not see or appreciate it. The good news is that someone else will and when you do meet that person, you will be encountering many new feelings that will elevate you to previously unseen levels of happiness. The world is full of people and never underestimate the chance of meeting someone unexpectedly who will literally sweep you off your feet. Since he was your first love, it will naturally hit you hard and also take time to process. Let the feelings run through you and try to understand why it is you feel the way you do, it can aid you in the long run wit also avoiding certain things again from someone else. I don't think it's wise for you to torture yourself with questions, that may just end up making you feel worse, but with that said I do think you should know this. When people are cheated on and broken up with, they often forget the "good times" they had with their ex. This is natural since well, you feel overwhelmed by the devastating new reality you find yourself in. However, when you ask the question such as "Did he ever really care?" then the answer is in the vast majority of cases a resounding yes. People change, get attracted, lured, tempted to do things, because many humans are weak and/or curious. Many can't resist to act on certain opportunities should they present themselves, especially if it seems better than what they currently have. Much in the same sense that a decent part of business world want us to upgrade constantly for items we "don't" really need anyway. Even small improvements can be sold as the most amazing thing if it's presented in the right way that appeal to certain individuals. As to all the other questions about him ever realizing he made a mistake, or will he treat his new girlfriend better. All such is really just a waste of your time, because the reality is, he chose someone else over you. He may regret, he may even think after awhile she doesn't really compare and come crawling back, but that's where you need to ask yourself, are you just blindly going to accept him back because of how you once felt and perhaps still feel? Be sensible, be wise and protect yourself. What are his motives, what is the motive of any the people you encounter in your life. I would encourage you (anyone really) to be skeptical towards all other humans. None of us should blindly believe in someone else or trust what they say. All these things need to be earned and a good way to see if someone is trustworthy is if they have a consistently good behavior, as well as their actions being in alignment with what they say. 2
casey.lives Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 some do ..some don't. The ones that do.. take everything and improve for their next relationship, and if they cheated they stick it out more because of the shame carried over from their last attempt. So sadly .. they get an overall better quality relationship; whereas you have a much much harder time
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