SolG Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 What do I think of MM's W? It's complicated, but I'll try... I did meet her a few times when MM and I worked directly together; work functions and the like. And those of you who've followed my story know that I know a great deal about her and their R. One of the things that strikes me from time to time is how on the surface we all three appear quite 'perfect' and 'together' in our respective lives. The quintessential nurturing SAHM, independant career woman, and high-flying executive. Quite the triumvirate. But scratch the surface and you find the fragile BW, OW and WH/MM. All of us with our various issues, fears, and degrees of codependency. All gloriously, imperfectly human. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way inferring that MM's W's imperfection (a human condition we all share) in anyway caused the A. And I am cognisant of the effect of my behaviour, which in turn affects MM's behaviour towards his W. There is no getting around that responsibility for consequence. But you asked me what I think... I think she is beautiful and flawed. I think she is strong and yet weak. I think she's a mother and W who loves her children and H very much. And in terms of the latter, perhaps too much; which I completely empathise with. She's not just 'MM's W'--an acronym on a message board--she is an actual whole, real person.
Got it Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I was neutral on her. I really didn't put a lot of thought into her either way. She had/has her strengths and areas of opportunities just like everyone else. They are two average humans. Having now been with him for a number of years as well as married to him the above seems to have proven to be true.
solostand Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 In the beginning I really hated her. I felt she was keeping me away from x-mm. He portrayed her that way. (she controls the purse strings, she'll leave me with only my shoelaces, she'll never let me see my grandkinds, et cetera.) Now that I am out of the fog I have a new respect for her. She didn't do anything wrong except love a wayward spouse. If he wanted out he could have got out!!!! I respect the way she is dealing with the fallout from dday and hope sincerely that their marriage will survive intact. I have met her several times and she seems like a very strong, kind woman. She put up with a lot from him during their 37 year marriage so I guess this is just one more problem of raising a man-child. 1
soulmates Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 What are your thoughts of the AP spouse? Do you have any thoughts? I've seen several OW claim they feel sorry for the spouse. Do you? I wanna hear what you think of the spouse of your AP. No hold barred and no judgement. I don't know her well but from what i hear, she is a wonderful person, i have spoken to her once or twice and i would have to agree she is a nice person.
lemondrop21 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I feel deeply sorry for her, for what both he and I did to her, although she does not know about it. I feel empathy with her for not wanting to have sex with him. In my last relationship, I had gotten to the point where I in no way wanted to have sex with my partner due to a variety of underlying issues. I just couldn't get turned on by my partner. I imagine this is what has happened to MM's wife as well over the course of their 15 year marriage. And now I imagine she's having to fake it for the sake of "trying to improve their marriage." I hope maybe she'll be able to rediscover some of that spark if other parts of their marriage improve, because everyone deserves a decent sex life. I also feel bad for her her because she is emotionally codependent on him, from what I understand. She has essentially been with him her entire adult life and most of her teen years (they broke up for one year before marrying, but I don't think she had another serious relationship during that time). I try to imagine myself married to the guy I was dating in high school, who I was convinced was "the one," and I shudder... he was emotionally unavailable and our relationship was so dysfunctional, and I can't see how it ever would have improved since we were both so inexperienced. We didn't have any good relationships to compare to. This is the situation she is in... she has nothing at all to compare to. But yet she knows her marriage is in trouble (they are in MC) and it must be absolutely terrifying. When MM and I were first together, he portrayed her as childlike, completely dependent on him for arranging all of the logistics in their lives. Now that time has passed, I've started to suspect that this is an exaggeration - more the result of his frustrated perception, than reality. One more thing, I feel angry on her behalf that he cheated with a younger, more attractive woman (thank god she doesn't know). MM's wife had three children with him and six pregnancies apparently. Does she have some extra pounds on her after all of that? Sure, but not SO many extra pounds. Does she make as much effort to look cute as she did when she was younger? Probably not, she's busy running after three kids and running a household. If/when I'm in her situation years from now, I hope my husband can give me some leeway in that department because I wouldn't be surprised if I end up looking similar to her. Although since the A started, I am now scared s***less about being cheated on in a future marriage, and I imagine that I'll maintain a certain paranoia about my appearance for many years to come. Sad.
minimariah Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Part of the time I can't figure out why she wants him... same reasons you do, probably...? When he has skills and isn't a worthless lump in either the husband... he's cheating on her & clearly isn't hiding it well (since she does suspect something) + probably gaslights her as hell... hardly a fantastic husband. But shes pretty much as opposite of me as she could be and rather bitchy. you met her or is this something you know just from him?
BROKENOW Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 She gave him several ultimatum and he still saw me. The last was she sent her adult kid to see me off. That worked. But will they be happy? I really would not be her as miserable as I am.
cocorico Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Part of the time I can't figure out why she wants him same reasons you do, probably...? Is it really comparable? Abstractly knowing that someone you love is capable of infidelity toward someone they once purported to love, and being actively deceived by someone you love?
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