whl1121 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Hello, First time writing on a forum regarding my breakup but I wanted to hear the opinions of people before I do something I regret. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me last year of September and I didn't take it well. He's 28 and I'm 21. I clung on to him and threw out all of my dignity trying to get him back, but he was adamant. I won't get into the breakup much but he did not cut me out of his life and never told me to leave him alone. I'm presuming that's why it was harder for me to stop clinging on to him. After 2 months of begging him back, I stopped. I initiated NC and started focusing on myself and schoolwork. I kept myself busy. It wasn't easy though. I lost a lot of weight during those 2 months of clinging, and constantly had anxiety attacks. But through time, I definitely healed and let go of the relationship. Anyway, after ~10 months since our breakup, he contacted me via e-mail for the first time since the breakup, in which he states his reason for contacting me out of the blue - to clear the air between us and give me "some sort of closure." Also said that he will understand if I don't respond back. .... We had a long distance relationship for the majority of our 2 year relationship, and barely have any mutual friends. Why is he trying to give me "closure" almost a year after our breakup? I did hear from a friend that he wanted to be friends, which is really unusual of him because he usually does not bring people he ended things with back into his life at all (friends, exes). I still haven't replied. I'm unsure of what to do and advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
erklat Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 He's giving you closure ? What an arrogant preeck... he is only looking to relieve his guilt because most likely Karma bit him in the back.
mightycpa Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Hello, First time writing on a forum regarding my breakup but I wanted to hear the opinions of people before I do something I regret. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me last year of September and I didn't take it well. He's 28 and I'm 21. I clung on to him and threw out all of my dignity trying to get him back, but he was adamant. I won't get into the breakup much but he did not cut me out of his life and never told me to leave him alone. I'm presuming that's why it was harder for me to stop clinging on to him. After 2 months of begging him back, I stopped. I initiated NC and started focusing on myself and schoolwork. I kept myself busy. It wasn't easy though. I lost a lot of weight during those 2 months of clinging, and constantly had anxiety attacks. But through time, I definitely healed and let go of the relationship. Anyway, after ~10 months since our breakup, he contacted me via e-mail for the first time since the breakup, in which he states his reason for contacting me out of the blue - to clear the air between us and give me "some sort of closure." Also said that he will understand if I don't respond back. .... We had a long distance relationship for the majority of our 2 year relationship, and barely have any mutual friends. Why is he trying to give me "closure" almost a year after our breakup? I did hear from a friend that he wanted to be friends, which is really unusual of him because he usually does not bring people he ended things with back into his life at all (friends, exes). I still haven't replied. I'm unsure of what to do and advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.Unless you have some compelling reason that you want to be his pal, take him up on offer #2 - don't respond.
dumbass2 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Don't even think of responding to that. It was a totally selfish email to send you after all that time. That was just wrong. One of the worst emails a dumper can send an ex. Do you have him blocked everywhere else? You can at least put his email to spam so it doesn't come to your in-box.
Author whl1121 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 I guess it's the fact that he's definitely not the type to revisit the past and talk about it, so it made me go .. wait what? for a second. Lolll why give someone closure when they're already over it.. i don't get it
aloneinaz Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I guess it's the fact that he's definitely not the type to revisit the past and talk about it, so it made me go .. wait what? for a second. Lolll why give someone closure when they're already over it.. i don't get it Who cares why he did it? It's been a long time since last September. Hopefully you're dating people closer to your age and having fun. You're 21, get out there and tear it up! You're only young once girl! P.S., leave him in your past, where he belongs.
frigginlost Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I'm one of the few that advocates Low Contact... But, in this case, I would completely and totally ignore him. It's an asshat move by him to want "closure". He's looking to shed guilt. Let him wallow in it. You're young and on your way... enjoy it!
pidgeon1010 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 lol give you some sort of closure? Yah, do not respond to that. He wants to check in to see if you're still the young girl who was besotted with him. His email ASSUMES you haven't moved on. He really thinks he did a number on you and is coming back to the scene of the "crime." Well you were the injured victim back then but you've now healed and have moved on. Don't look back. Enjoy your 20s because the next thing you know, you will be late 20s/early 30s wondering where all the time went. Time flies! 1
Author whl1121 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 lol give you some sort of closure? Yah, do not respond to that. He wants to check in to see if you're still the young girl who was besotted with him. His email ASSUMES you haven't moved on. He really thinks he did a number on you and is coming back to the scene of the "crime." Well you were the injured victim back then but you've now healed and have moved on. Don't look back. Enjoy your 20s because the next thing you know, you will be late 20s/early 30s wondering where all the time went. Time flies! Update- My friend actually told me just now that he does believe that I have moved on. When he asked my ex why he didn't do this earlier, my ex said that he didn't want me to misunderstand his motives as wanting to get back together. Later contradicted himself by saying that he still wants to be friends (if i allow it) and slowly try to build things up from there. What... Thank you all for your replies. I will definitely not respond back to him.
BriNyc82 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 If he wanted to give you closure he had plenty of time to do it back then. Only now after you have moved on does he want to talk. On HIS terms. I would be curious but not curious enough to take him up on it. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 There's no value in closure in my opinion. There's only facts. The facts are someone chose to end the relationship. Why they did you may never know and it really doesn't matter either. The bottom line is they no longer wanted to see you and kicked you out of their lives.
Phoenixashes Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I know you didn't go into details of the breakup but that might be a bit helpful. Did he just stop eveything out of the blue? Were things great beforehand? Any possibility of another person he had waiting for him? Guessing his situation crashed and burned so guilt hit him and he's sniffing around .
Author whl1121 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 I know you didn't go into details of the breakup but that might be a bit helpful. Did he just stop eveything out of the blue? Were things great beforehand? Any possibility of another person he had waiting for him? Guessing his situation crashed and burned so guilt hit him and he's sniffing around . Things were good but we also had our difficulties. We broke up because he ultimately thought we weren't compatible with one another. An example of how he was after the breakup is.. I left a lot of books behind (for school) and clothes, etc. in his city, and asked him to send me my books or at least hand it over to a friend. He said he would for a month but never did. (He actually still has them to this day). For a stubborn person like him, he would pick up some of my calls and text me back sometimes. Sometimes a warm response, sometimes a cold one. As for another girl, I was told he didn't have one since our breakup.
lop98 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I share many similarities with your story... also long distance, no explanation given and he never told me to leave him alone, he would even compliment me at the end ("you'll always be a special girl to me" ). 9 months later contact was made. Long story short, I had moved on... but slowly let him walk into my life again and mess things up... not like the first time but enough so that I had to implement NC again and struggle with it again, meaning I had to (again) made emotional and physical effort to not think about a source of pain. I know what getting these type of emails means... it is tempting, and a bit of justice seems to have been made and it feels kind of good and the ball is now in your court (so to speak) and you feel a bit of confidence to give in thinking you'll be fine. Most likely you will be fine for a while, but eventually it will start getting cloudy, because you're playing with an old wound. The harder but most effective path is to ignore, after a few months you realize it was the best decision...
Author whl1121 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 I share many similarities with your story... also long distance, no explanation given and he never told me to leave him alone, he would even compliment me at the end ("you'll always be a special girl to me" ). 9 months later contact was made. Long story short, I had moved on... but slowly let him walk into my life again and mess things up... not like the first time but enough so that I had to implement NC again and struggle with it again, meaning I had to (again) made emotional and physical effort to not think about a source of pain. I know what getting these type of emails means... it is tempting, and a bit of justice seems to have been made and it feels kind of good and the ball is now in your court (so to speak) and you feel a bit of confidence to give in thinking you'll be fine. Most likely you will be fine for a while, but eventually it will start getting cloudy, because you're playing with an old wound. The harder but most effective path is to ignore, after a few months you realize it was the best decision... Yesss loll it really is tempting. But at the same time I'm scared to let all the progress I've made so far go to waste. It's saddening to see how much it's affecting me when I believed I was fine.
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