donkiexotis Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Hey, im dating this girl for like a month, she is pretty, young as i am (im 21 and she is 23), she is studying to be a med, shes smart too.. I really like her, seems like she likes me back, but she is talking a lot about kinds and stuff and that she would like to be a young mother and i can tell she really wants it! She also thinks that because of my age i dont have the same ideas with her, tbh having kids and taking care of a whole family wasnt on my top priorities.. She told me that she doesnt want to waste time to relationships that she thinks have no prespective for kids and stuff and she really freaked me out.. I really like her and i think she is good for me cause she made me do stuff for myself i didnt ever though they would be a big deal and put my life in an order for once! I told her is too soon to talk for kids and stuff and that we should give some time to out relationship..but she is really obssesed with the whole young mother thing and unless i tell her that i am too, shed think that im an obstacle or somethink! What should i do??????
Redhead14 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Hey, im dating this girl for like a month, she is pretty, young as i am (im 21 and she is 23), she is studying to be a med, shes smart too.. I really like her, seems like she likes me back, but she is talking a lot about kinds and stuff and that she would like to be a young mother and i can tell she really wants it! She also thinks that because of my age i dont have the same ideas with her, tbh having kids and taking care of a whole family wasnt on my top priorities.. She told me that she doesnt want to waste time to relationships that she thinks have no prespective for kids and stuff and she really freaked me out.. I really like her and i think she is good for me cause she made me do stuff for myself i didnt ever though they would be a big deal and put my life in an order for once! I told her is too soon to talk for kids and stuff and that we should give some time to out relationship..but she is really obssesed with the whole young mother thing and unless i tell her that i am too, shed think that im an obstacle or somethink! What should i do?????? If a dating pair is not on the same page in terms of dating goals for themselves, they shouldn't keep dating at all. She's focused on herself and her future already. She wants to date someone who wants the same things for themselves in general to start with. She won't know for sure if that person will be the "one" at the beginning, but there's no point in even trying if that person doesn't have or isn't goal minded to start with. 1
Gary S Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Well, most young women want to have kids.... if you want to play the game, you have to know the rules. You play, you pay! That said, you wait a couple years before having kids/getting married, so you don't have to worry about it right away. Also, make sure she really loves you for you, and does not have an agenda, such as only looking for a baby-maker.
xcupid Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Sounds like kids are her priority. They're not yours - at least at this point. You've only been dating a month and you don't know each other very well and you don't know if you're compatible. But you do know her priority. The key is to know WHEN she wants kids to happen. Does that fit into your life plan? If not, you're not compatible and it will cause problems in the relationship.
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 What should i do?????? Ask her what is her time frame to have children. If she wants to have children by the age of 25 and that not your wish as well than break up and let her find a man with her time frame.
kendahke Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Hey, im dating this girl for like a month, she is pretty, young as i am (im 21 and she is 23), she is studying to be a med, shes smart too.. I really like her, seems like she likes me back, but she is talking a lot about kinds and stuff and that she would like to be a young mother and i can tell she really wants it! She also thinks that because of my age i dont have the same ideas with her, tbh having kids and taking care of a whole family wasnt on my top priorities.. She told me that she doesnt want to waste time to relationships that she thinks have no prespective for kids and stuff and she really freaked me out.. I really like her and i think she is good for me cause she made me do stuff for myself i didnt ever though they would be a big deal and put my life in an order for once! I told her is too soon to talk for kids and stuff and that we should give some time to out relationship..but she is really obssesed with the whole young mother thing and unless i tell her that i am too, shed think that im an obstacle or somethink! What should i do?????? Be yourself. If being a young parent and all that goes with it isn't on your priority list, then you need to stand in that truth and take your butt whippin' for it--meaning: risking losing her because of it. Children deserve two parents who want them. You aren't there yet and she's not of the mind to wait around for when/if you do get there. It just is what it is right now and what "it is" is that you two are not in a compatible place in your lives for each other right now.
smackie9 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 There are people how have strong expectations, and are very forward with them.....she is just putting it out there to let you know what she is looking for. Everyone is right you both are not on the same page. She is fishing hard for your answers....you are wasting YOUR time with this one.
kendahke Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 to add: She's got every right to go for what she wants in her life, as do you. Have to courage to let go of what isn't in alignment with what YOUR goals in life are... don't try to twist yourself up into being someone you're not just to keep a girl. 1
SmartDude Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I told her is too soon to talk for kids and stuff and that we should give some time to out relationship..but she is really obsessed with the whole young mother thing and unless i tell her that i am too, shed think that im an obstacle or somethink! What should i do?????? Run as far away as you can from this woman. She sounds kind of like the mommy-breeder type who wants to have kids very badly. Ask her why she wants to have kids and see if you get a blank stare. The planet does not need more human beings. We might actually end up destroying the planet because of our habit of creating families.
Author donkiexotis Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 First of all i want to thank all of u for the really quick and helpfull replies! But they all seem very decisive, like" your wasting your time" and "you r not on the same page" or"u r not compatible for each other" etc I mean yeah sure having a family isnt the first thing that i think when i start to date a girl but i dont rule out that possibility either... I just believe that having kids and a family is not something that u plan for it or put it on a time frame! What about romance guys i mean it must be some out there in order to have a healthy relationship therefore a healthy family! i sure think shes a good influence to me but i also care about her, and i dont know what itll be better for her: letting her go or trying to work things together...
sandylee1 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Be honest and tell her you can't see yourself having kids till your about 30 (example ), or if you've never even thought about having kids tell her that. If she chooses to stay after that you've been honest. Ensure that birth control is taken care of.
d0nnivain Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 If she can't handle the fact that you would prefer to postpone discussions about possible future kids until you have been dating for more than 1 month, there's not much here to salvage. You two are not on the same page. She seems to be on the fast track to Mommyville while you are still looking for the station. At 23 that is just fine. It's great that she thinks she has her whole life planned but honestly she's putting the cart before the horse & that to me doesn't bode well for good future decision making. I don't know what you mean when you say she's "studying to be a med". what's a med? A doctor? A nurse? a CNA? If she wants to be a doctor, who will take care of these kids she wants as a young mom?
mystikmind2005 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I don't think this is about her asking you to have children too soon with her. I think this is about her asking you that you will not want to have children too late for her. i think she is really just asking if you are family oriented and not going to want to hold things off like some guys do.... if she is smart, she will know guys do this type of thing and that is what she wants to know about you? 1
Author donkiexotis Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 If she can't handle the fact that you would prefer to postpone discussions about possible future kids until you have been dating for more than 1 month, there's not much here to salvage. You two are not on the same page. She seems to be on the fast track to Mommyville while you are still looking for the station. At 23 that is just fine. That made me laugh so hard! It's great that she thinks she has her whole life planned but honestly she's putting the cart before the horse & that to me doesn't bode well for good future decision making. I don't know what you mean when you say she's "studying to be a med". what's a med? A doctor? A nurse? a CNA? If she wants to be a doctor, who will take care of these kids she wants as a young mom? She is studyig to be a doctor.... I guess she thinks she could handke both!
Author donkiexotis Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Be yourself. If being a young parent and all that goes with it isn't on your priority list, then you need to stand in that truth and take your butt whippin' for it--meaning: risking losing her because of it. Children deserve two parents who want them. You aren't there yet and she's not of the mind to wait around for when/if you do get there. It just is what it is right now and what "it is" is that you two are not in a compatible place in your lives for each other right now. First of all i want to thank all of u for the really quick and helpfull replies! But they all seem very decisive, like" your wasting your time" and "you r not on the same page" or"u r not compatible for each other" etc I mean yeah sure having a family isnt the first thing that i think when i start to date a girl but i dont rule out that possibility either... I just believe that having kids and a family is not something that u plan for it or put it on a time frame! What about romance guys i mean it must be some out there in order to have a healthy relationship therefore a healthy family! i sure think shes a good influence to me but i also care about her, and i dont know what itll be better for her: letting her go or trying to work things together...
kendahke Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 First of all i want to thank all of u for the really quick and helpfull replies! But they all seem very decisive, like" your wasting your time" and "you r not on the same page" or"u r not compatible for each other" etc I mean yeah sure having a family isnt the first thing that i think when i start to date a girl but i dont rule out that possibility either... I just believe that having kids and a family is not something that u plan for it or put it on a time frame! What about romance guys i mean it must be some out there in order to have a healthy relationship therefore a healthy family! i sure think shes a good influence to me but i also care about her, and i dont know what itll be better for her: letting her go or trying to work things together... are you willing to not have sex with her to 100% assure that you don't create a child that you do not want right now until you figure out if you do want to have one with this girl on her time table? She's pretty much put you on notice. You can't now say "I didn't know what you wanted" if she should get "oopsy pregnant" in 3 months. IS she on birth control and DOES she take it consistently?
Maleficent Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Hey, im dating this girl for like a month, she is pretty, young as i am (im 21 and she is 23), she is studying to be a med, shes smart too.. I really like her, seems like she likes me back, but she is talking a lot about kinds and stuff and that she would like to be a young mother and i can tell she really wants it! She also thinks that because of my age i dont have the same ideas with her, tbh having kids and taking care of a whole family wasnt on my top priorities.. She told me that she doesnt want to waste time to relationships that she thinks have no prespective for kids and stuff and she really freaked me out.. I really like her and i think she is good for me cause she made me do stuff for myself i didnt ever though they would be a big deal and put my life in an order for once! I told her is too soon to talk for kids and stuff and that we should give some time to out relationship..but she is really obssesed with the whole young mother thing and unless i tell her that i am too, shed think that im an obstacle or somethink! What should i do?????? How far is she in med school? Cause you can assume there will be no baby coming as long as she isn't an MD.
smackie9 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Trust me on this one....she's gonna keep freaking you out when she constantly pressures you about getting engaged/married a few months from now. It's going to drive you right out of the relationship UNLESS you put your foot down and explain to her that it's a main goal BUT not something to worry about right at this moment. Tell her you will revisit this conversation in a year.
TB Rhine Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Nuppin freaks ne out more than when a gil start talkin bout kinds.
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