teachdunc Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Background: Me - 31 year old, lots of relationship experience, very open communicator who likes to be open about emotions, feelings, etc... Her - 29 year old, recently divorced from a non-loving marriage, recently modified her body (breast implants), difficult past relationship with father throughout marriage and divorce Situation - I met someone about 6 weeks ago. We hit it off right away, a lot of similarities. We spent the first 8 days or so after meeting together and were intimate quickly. Our physical chemistry was great and the intimacy was really, really good for us both. We were very active together, went and did some really fun things throughout the first month. We both were really into one another and she began to introduce herself to my friends as my girlfriend fairly quickly. We were really moving along well. She had a conference and needed to be out of town for 8 days about 2 weeks ago. I watched her dog during that time and we were texting frequently and really excited to get back to seeing one another. Problem - She went to see a friend in Houston at the end of her trip who is really struggling. She's in a bad situation with a deadbeat father of her 3 kids who contributes nothing and her living situation could be a thread all its own. When she got back, we made plans and had dinner with another couple. She was intoxicated at this point and started talking about her friend. Stupidly, not knowing the situation (we are still in the getting to know each other phase here) I made a comment that she needs to pull herself out of that situation. She got upset about this, really upset. Later that night we went to her pool and I noticed there was a guy friend of hers who was really handsy with her, this really bothered me, and at the end of the night when she asked me to stay, I declined. We then both kinda avoided each other the following day, but I asked her to call because I wanted to talk about it, address it, and get back to moving forward. We both said our piece, but then she brought up that she didn't know what she wanted right now, wasn't sure that she was ready for this, etc... I told her to take the weekend to think about it and get back to me if she felt like giving me any direction. She spent the weekend out and didn't get back to me at all. We talked again Monday, and it was the same story. I basically told her that I wanted to move forward and she couldn't give me an answer. My thoughts - I believe that she is either engaged in talking to one or more other guys and it's back burner time or that there are unresolved issues that she hasn't dealt with from recently finalizing her divorce. Really I think she just needs attention from men right now to build her back up and having me address that isn't something I can accept in a partner doesn't work for her. My question - The last time we talked, she said she didn't want an all or nothing approach to this, that she wanted time and space. I told her to hang on to my things that are there until she either decided she wanted to date or that she was interested in pursuing something with me. I left it at that I would let her know if I met someone I was interested in pursuing. I blocked her on social media, deleted her number, etc... I haven't gone NC the last 2 days, a few random texts, but she definitely hasn't reached out. Today I'm going all the way NC, but not blocking her phone number. If she does at some point come back and say that she wants to pursue something, let's say 2, 3 weeks, a month down the road. Do I even consider starting things over with her again?
Qboro90 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 You pushed and gave her an ultimatum too soon after only 6 weeks of knowing one another. It's not unusual especially for someone who has kids and a former husband/ex to be cautious and slow moving in dating someone seriously. While I do understand you being upset about her interactions with other men you should've just maturely talked to her and explained that by the actions she showed you and what you've done together up until this point you just felt disrespected and embarrassed that she would let another man touch her while you were there to see it. You can just ask she be honest in telling you if she wants to experience being single. Giving her the options of either 1. Be exclusive and date only me seriously or 2. Don't contact me ever again is leaving her no choice but to leave. There's no middle ground for her to get to know you better and for you to know more about her. From what you wrote if I were you I'd want to see how she acts and what she does regarding other men and her ex more before I'd want to commit to dating her anyways.
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Her - 29 year old, recently divorced from a non-loving marriage, recently modified her body (breast implants), difficult past relationship with father throughout marriage and divorce ^^^this^^^ is your issue. She has just finished a bad relationship, she is NOT ready to date, Sure the sex was great, but her head is still all over the place. At best you would be a rebound. You made a huge mistake telling her to ditch her friend in need and then declining to stay the night. I don't know why you did that but I guess you were in part sulking and she thought "I do not need this hassle in my life." She then told you she wanted her space back and "she didn't know what she wanted right now, wasn't sure that she was ready for this, etc.." but you ignored that, to give her more time, she didn't need more time, she was dumping you. She has not initiated anything communication wise, so let it be. She is done with you.
SycamoreCircle Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 ^^^this^^^ is your issue. She has just finished a bad relationship, she is NOT ready to date, Sure the sex was great, but her head is still all over the place. At best you would be a rebound. You made a huge mistake telling her to ditch her friend in need and then declining to stay the night. I don't know why you did that but I guess you were in part sulking and she thought "I do not need this hassle in my life." She then told you she wanted her space back and "she didn't know what she wanted right now, wasn't sure that she was ready for this, etc.." but you ignored that, to give her more time, she didn't need more time, she was dumping you. She has not initiated anything communication wise, so let it be. She is done with you.I agree with half of this. This woman, with her new freedom and new breasts, is not looking to settle down anytime soon. That "girlfriend" introduction she did was just her trying out something new. She's going to be trying out a lot of new things. The guy that had his hands on her(while's she's seeing you)---that's something she's trying on, too. You asserting your opinion about her friend was no mistake, though. It was bound to happen. The fabric of the dream was starting to come apart. "Oh wait, having a partner means I have to tolerate his opinion on things? I thought it was just having a cute boy-toy around who buys me nice things. F-this!" I know the sex was good and the two of you got along smashingly. That's when she's on her good behavior. It's not who she is, though. Keep telling yourself that. She doesn't know who she is yet. She's single. She's buxom. She wants men banging their heads on rocks for her. Do you want to bang your head on a rock for her? I'll tell you what it'll get you---a pounding headache. Things weren't what they appeared to be. You now see things as they are. Be glad it's over.
xcupid Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I don't think this is a "relationship" that is going to go anywhere. She's not ready at this stage. And from the sounds of it she has issues to resolve before being in a healthy relationship. I wouldn't hold onto the hope that things will right themselves or get better because it's doubtful that they will. If she comes back down the road hopefully you will have moved on by then and can say you're no longer interested. IMO that would be best for you.
912brian24 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I feel your pain dude because I'm going through the same thing! Dated a recently divorced girl for 5 months and everything was going great! The conversation, friendship, bedroom and all that other good stuff was on point!!! We never argued or fought about anything until one day I caught her in a lie about something in her past and I immediately called her out on it and then BOOM she needed space! Basically what is comes down to is both the women that were and key word is WERE in our life's were ok with the relationship until it felt like a relationship and then they realized what they had gotten into and decided they didn't need this right now so then comes the "space thing"! Just like me you've got to just move on and know it's hard but you've got to! I haven't spoken to my ex in over two weeks and last Sunday I get a text say and I quote " don't reply but I just want you to know I've been thinking about you a lot" which is her just popping back up to cause damage instead of anything else! I didn't responded but last night my dumb self sent her a text like a dummy and I instantly regretted it! All I did was show her she still has some power over me and I know she got off on that!!! Just keep moving brother!!!
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