katiegrl Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I say no to flowers for an internet first date, and probably no to flowers on any first date unless you have already met and know you're attracted. Flowers are meaningful if I feel like they are for me and me only, not if I sense you buy them for everyone. And if we haven't met before, how could they possibly be just for me? A flower at later dates (say between date 2 and 5) would be more meaningful and special, because then we have already established that there is some sort of attraction and it feels more personal. I agree with the bolded... HOWEVER. Many men enjoy giving flowers (or a flower) to a woman on a first date because he is gallant and enjoys the process of courtship, regardless of whether it results in a dating relationship or not. He sees something special in all women....maybe not the kind of special that would cause him to want to pursue her romantically, but because he appreciates the uniqueness of all women. The flowers are HIS way of letting her know that, and how much he simply enjoys meeting her, again regardless of whether or not a romantic connection/chemistry ensues and they start dating. I think it's a thoughtful gesture, and it would cause me to think fondly of him, regardless of whether or not I felt chemistry or a connection.
katiegrl Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I would never give flowers to a woman on a first date, not these days. She will most likely think you desperate, and probably tell her friends you were "thirsty." What the hell type of women are you meeting and dating? Sheesh! Read my above post....not ALL women feel this way.
losangelena Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I had a guy once give me a single carnation on our first date. We then immediately jumped into his car to drive to our destination, and the thing sat on the backseat languishing in the summer heat. By the time the date was done and I was going back to my car, the poor thing had wilted. So, yes? I always think that context should be kept in mind, though. Giving a flower or flowers to a woman on a first date is fine, but then what is she going to do with them? If you meet her somewhere, at a bar or restaurant, then she's going to be having to schlep the flower or bouquet around with her the rest of the date. It can be a bit immobilizing. Carnation guy, this particular case, it was overkill. He wanted to set up a date very soon after initial online contact, plus he called me before we met (which I DO NOT like). By date two this guy wanted to have ish on lockdown. So for me that carnation was a red flag. HOWEVER, my now-BF gives me flowers all the time. He waited for date three, which is a respectable amount of time, IMO, since it showed sincerity and was thoughtful. It was also the first time he'd come to my house to pick me up for a date, so I had the chance to put them in water right away. I guess the point I'm trying to say is that it's a case-by-case basis, just like everything else. I don't generally think it's over the top, but I would think ahead of time to figure out if carrying it around all night is going to be a burden for the woman.
RoseVille Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I do not want any token or flower from a man I've never met before. I haven't done anything to justify it, he doesn't know me. This reminds me of when a male spider tries to mate with a female spider. If the male spider thinks he's worthy then he just goes for it, but if he thinks he's beneath her then he brings a fly (or whatever) as an offering to compensate. Try to imagine if you went on a date and the girl brought you a rose/s, you'd probably think that she has a hard time getting dates right? Either way, the female spider kills the male spider after mating.
katiegrl Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I agree, not all women feel this way. But, enough of them do for it to not be worth the trouble. Well, I like you enigma (always have) but that's a crappy attitude you have toward women. Do you even like women? It doesn't sound like you do. You sure don't have a high opinion of them if you think all (or most) women "will most likely think you desperate, and probably tell her friends you were "thirsty." Why even bother dating with that crap attitude.
d0nnivain Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Context is important. On a 1st OLD meet it's over the top. Roses plural again probably too much. A single rose, maybe. In high school, my 1st BF showed up for our 1st date with a dozen roses. I thought it was showy. In my 20s a guy showed up with a florist's bouquet. Granted I had known him before as a friend of a friend but it was a bit more pressure then I wanted to deal with In contrast DH sent flowers the Monday after we were intimate for the 1st time. That was amazingly wonderful & over the moon romantic. If he'd given me flowers before that those may have lost their impact. As they say, timing is Everything!
neowulf Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Nope, no way am I bringing flowers on a first date. I don't know a thing about the person. It reeks of trying way too hard. You're still at the point where you're trying to get a sense of the person.
yxalitis Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Spending 60 to 100 bucks on a woman that you don't even know yet? Wouldn't you feel silly if she didn't accept a second date or ran out on the first one? I wouldn't be impressed by that myself. To me it would come off as the guy being a little desperate. 100 bucks...where do you buy your rose from?
yxalitis Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I had a guy once give me a single carnation on our first date. We then immediately jumped into his car to drive to our destination, and the thing sat on the backseat languishing in the summer heat. By the time the date was done and I was going back to my car, the poor thing had wilted. So, yes? I always think that context should be kept in mind, though. Giving a flower or flowers to a woman on a first date is fine, but then what is she going to do with them? Yes, my point, what the heck does she do with it? I don't think it's going to sway the woman's opinion of you significantly one way or the other. If she likes you it will come across as romantic. If she doesn't, it will be added to reasons why ("oh, yeah, he gave me a rose, is that weird?") plus he called me before we met (which I DO NOT like). I have to ask..why on Earth don't you want to talk before a date...? I've had a lot of success at further breaking the ice and connecting with the person by calling her, I often get ASKED to call, or "can I call you tonight" from the girls... Just seems like an odd stance to have, to HATE that...!
katiegrl Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I love you girls. That doesn't mean I don't see some flaws here and there. Being considered clingy is pretty much dating suicide these days. Look over how many threads there are where a woman is almost immediately turned off by a guy she describes as clingy. Sure, showing up to a date with a rose might impress the rare girl like you, but a guy has to play the odds when women are so easily dissuaded from being interested in a guy. It is not that it would impress me enigma....actually it would take A LOT more than that to impress me! At most I would think it was thoughtful..... it would have no bearing on whether or not I felt chemistry, or a connection with him. For me, feeling chemistry/connection goes much deeper than him merely bringing me flowers on a first date.
losangelena Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I have to ask..why on Earth don't you want to talk before a date...? I've had a lot of success at further breaking the ice and connecting with the person by calling her, I often get ASKED to call, or "can I call you tonight" from the girls... Just seems like an odd stance to have, to HATE that...! Yeah, I agree that many probably think it's odd. I fully admit to being in the minority here. I don't really have a GREAT reason for it. I generally do not enjoy phone chats, unless I'm catching up with a faraway friend or my mom or someone like that. I feel a bit awkward on the phone, so the idea of talking on the phone to a guy who I don't know, who I'm going to meet in a couple of days anyway, makes me tense up; I feel nervous in a way I do not in person. Anyway, that's just my preference. To each their own.
Jame22 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) She's got 500 fedora-wearing guys online chomping at the bit to give her a dozen roses and a candlelit dinner No girl is getting anything like that from me until we are in a relationship Edited July 30, 2015 by Jame22
katiegrl Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) Then you should understand why guys would be hesitant to give a rose on a date then. You say you like it, but admit that it won't actually help him establish a connection with you. Yet, many other women will be turned off by it. It's pretty much a waste of time. Perhaps you are unable to grasp this concept, but some men actually enjoy giving simply because it gives them pleasure to give, without expecting anything in return. He doesn't give the rose in an attempt to impress a woman, or "get" her to like him or help him establish a connection with her. He has no ulterior motive for bringing her the rose...and actually could not care less if she thought he was desperate and found it a turn off. In fact, if she *did* get turned off it, he is happy to find that out sooner rather than later as he knows they won't be compatible and does not waste any more time and/or money on her! He is secure and confident and simply enjoys being thoughtful, no matter what the consequences! I realize this attitude is difficult for you to grasp, but men like this DO exist, my dad was one (he's passed) one of my brothers is another, and my own boyfriend is another. Edited July 30, 2015 by katiegrl
Maleficent Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 This reminds me of when a male spider tries to mate with a female spider. If the male spider thinks he's worthy then he just goes for it, but if he thinks he's beneath her then he brings a fly (or whatever) as an offering to compensate. Try to imagine if you went on a date and the girl brought you a rose/s, you'd probably think that she has a hard time getting dates right? Hahaha! Good analogy!
katiegrl Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) You obviously don't know me well. My GF gets gifts from me constantly. I buy her little trinkets, nice gifts for special occasions, I take her out to dinner all the time, and take her on trips occasionally. I enjoy doing those things because she appreciates it. Giving a flower to a girl who at best, does not enjoy the gift enough to help establish a connection with me, to worst, thinks it's creepy or desperate? I'll pass. That's fine enigma, to each his own. And I am happy your girlfriend appreciates all the ways you give to her, I am always super appreciative too when my bf does nice things for me. But like my dad, he enjoys giving even if he does NOT get any appreciation in return. He would no doubt stop giving to that person if they failed to appreciate it, but it still felt good to give ..... he doesn't just give to get (whether it be appreciation, a connection, etc) if that makes any sense. He is just a very thoughtful, giving man and enjoys being so, again for no other reason other than it feels good to give! He is just like my dad in that respect. My dad was a real humanitarian and loved everyone, found goodness in everyone and enjoyed giving, no matter how small or large the gesture. Edited July 30, 2015 by katiegrl
losangelena Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Perhaps you are unable to grasp this concept, but some men actually enjoy giving simply because it gives them pleasure to give, without expecting anything in return. He doesn't give the rose in an attempt to impress a woman, or "get" her to like him or help him establish a connection with her. He has no ulterior motive for bringing her the rose...and actually could not care less if she thought he was desperate and found it a turn off. In fact, if she *did* get turned off it, he is happy to find that out sooner rather than later as he knows they won't be compatible and does not waste any more time and/or money on her! He is secure and confident and simply enjoys being thoughtful, no matter what the consequences! I realize this attitude is difficult for you to grasp, but men like this DO exist, my dad was one (he's passed) one of my brothers is another, and my own boyfriend is another. Katie, I think you give good advice most of the time, but jeez, the tone of this post is something else. I think you can make your point to enigma without sounding so condescending. I say this with all due respect.
katiegrl Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) Katie, I think you give good advice most of the time, but jeez, the tone of this post is something else. I think you can make your point to enigma without sounding so condescending. I say this with all due respect. Sorry, did not mean for it to come off as condescending! Apologies to enigma if it came off that way.... ugh. And I realize this attitude is really difficult to understand too. And it goes beyond a man bringing a woman flowers or a single rose on a first date. It's about the act of giving in general, and why we give. Most people DO give to get (something in return), but men like my dad, my bro and boyfriend, and myself! enjoy just giving ...I know for me it just makes me feel good to give! Whether or not I get anything back in return. However, ironically I receive ALOT back in return, even if it wasn't from the person I gave to! Some people call it karma, or paying it forward, whatever you want to call it, when you give simply because it gives you pleasure to give, positive things always come back to you in abundance! That was the point I was trying to make, apparently I did not do a very good job! Edited July 30, 2015 by katiegrl
Popsicle Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I do a single rose on first dates. In today's dating scene, I wonder if it would be considered creepy to give more than single rose?? No, not to me. 1
wb1988 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Either way, the female spider kills the male spider after mating. Most of the time, but not always. Are we still taking about spiders?
mrs rubble Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I once got a small bouquet of old fashioned roses on a first date, they were from his mother's Garden, beautiful and didin't cost him a cent. He was actually a really fun guy to date, one time he stopped in the middle of the street as we were walking along after a coffee and he took his hat off and started busking!!
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