mrshelby Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Hey everyone, First post here, sorry it's a long one. So, I've been single in nyc for a couple of years during which I dedicated a lot of time and energy to dating. I've met most of my partners online, though some of them were from real life (bars, social circle, etc). This is what I've observed: - Girls tend to like me during first dates all the time. Literally 99.9% of the time I either get a kiss and / or a second date if the first was in a setting that didn't allow for intimacy - Interest tends to go down pretty quickly, sometimes without anything happening! Like, first date finishes with a kiss, and then I never hear back - I've had some girls who stayed around for 6-7 dates (usually over a couple months), texted for a while, called etc. They always came to my place to sleep and usually enjoyed it a lot, to the point of complimenting me in more than an occasion (writing this only to prevent comments like "It's probably the sex that didn't work"). - However, I'm unable to find a girlfriend, or even to get past this barrier. What happens is that I become anxious, the girl becomes avoidant (hard to say which one comes first), and as time goes by, I lose her, sometimes gradually, sometimes in extremely unpleasant ways (like text conversations that are interrupted without any further notice; I've had one girl I've been going out for two months asking me if I could meet her in a few hours, then stopping replying to text and calls; literally never heard since). I have no clue what's going on. Any input would be appreciated.
mystikmind2005 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Similar story here. But i have managed to figure out allot of things that help. Number one is confidence in yourself but not arrogance. Number 2 is YOU have to think about being more selective.... in terms of personality match i mean... don't just think about how to keep 'any' girl, think about how to find and keep the 'right' girl. Don't respond to rejection by changing who you are, if anything be more honest about who you are.... the quicker you can scare off the wrong girls, the quicker you will get to find the right girl! Hope this helps Last month i had no dates, i followed these above rules and this month i have 4 different dates and don't even know which way to go!! but as soon as i do know, i will not string the others along, not cool.
Zippy2000 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Depends also what type of person you are too. Are you anxious, or avoidant? Do you need to keep texting and phoning for reassurance? What are your communicatiuons like and do you talk about meagre ordinary stuff? More information please.
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I have the exact same problem. I cannot make it past 3 dates. Someone on here made a comment in one of my threads that it's because by that 3rd date I start expecting the man to act like we're in a relationship. I am 12 steps ahead of him and that has men make a turn around. While he's still deciding if he likes me I make mental plan of weekends away. It also explain why I do so good on date 1-2-3 then nothingness. Maybe you can identify with that as well?
Toodaloo Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I actually see it as a good thing. Disheartening. But good. My way of thinking is that if these men were all that into me then we could work it out easily. If it were going to work then it would. It doesn't matter how great they are or how great I am... if its not going to work then its just not going to work. People are very different. Some women will love that you are in contact with them all the time others will hate it. I to and fro on it a bit. I like daily contact but its not a "requirement". I don't mind if 1-2 days pass with out contact. I really do think you should steady your nerves and start to try and alter your thinking - its not about any old woman will do. Its about a woman that you can grow and develop a life with. Those are two very different things... 1
Recommended Posts