roxan Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I started online dating few weeks ago to give it a try and went on a date with a guy last month We went for dinner ,and it went well,he was nice and friendly,and didnt looked different to his photos(as sometimes with online dating you dont know what to expect...). He drove me back home ( well close to it as I didnt want to show him exactly where I live since I'd only know him for a few hours). There was no kiss or hug but he seemed interested as he said "let me if you re available next week" and sent me a text 1 hour later to say he arrived at home and "thanks for a good evening" Like I said I thought he was nice etc... and I ve would not mind meeting him again to know him better but it was not like I'm super attracted to him and absolutely want to see him again either. Basically,for me,if he's interested,that's fine,if not,no big deal Few days later,he contacted me for meeting up again on the weekend. And then,it got weird. On the friday,he texted me saying that he has a friend that is doing nothing on saturday and is bored and asked me if I have a girl friend available to go on a double date I replied "no,I have no idea who's doing nothing this weekend. And who would be interested in going on a blind date with a guy that I dont even know". He replied "oh ok,well let's forget about my friend then". From that,I started to think that he is strange On saturday (day we were supposed to meet),he texted me in the morning to say hi and confirm the time etc...We agreed for 7 pm and like 30 minutes before that,he send me a text saying 'Sorry to cancel,something came up at last minute" I just replied "Ok,no worries",it didnt bother me that much to be honest that he cancelled,after he asked me about going on a double date with his friend and one of my girlfriend-when we barely know each other and only met once,I was not interested anymore Also I thought it was rude to cancel at the last minute,and I'm pretty sure he made other plans with his friend instead. I never contacted him again,and I didnt hear from him either...until today! It's almost one month since we last talked when he cancelled our date He texted me saying "Sorry for last few days,I had a problem with my phone and I dont have your facebook so I could not contact you...How are you?" Why would he get in touch again 1 month later?? If he was interested ,he would not wait so long I hesitate between: -ignoring him -replying "a problem with your mobile during 1 month?that's a bit strange.." Sorry it's a bit long
CarrieT Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Ignore. His phone may have been been on the fritz, but you two started online and theoretically, he could have contacted you earlier via whatever site you two found each other on. Besides, you don't need this type of flake in your life, do you? 2
Author roxan Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 Yep,that's what I intended to do The only reason why I thought about replying was to point his direction of his lame excuse about his mobile not working during 1 month
highseas Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Easy: only reply if you are at least somewhat interested in him. But you don't sound that way. 1
CarrieT Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 The only reason why I thought about replying was to point his direction of his lame excuse about his mobile not working during 1 month It would fall on deaf ears... 2
d0nnivain Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Since you always thought he was odd, not replying is fine. I wouldn't even know how to phrase a message to let him down politely at this point so silence is probably best.
Author roxan Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 Easy: only reply if you are at least somewhat interested in him. But you don't sound that way. Like I said after our first date,I had a good impression about him but it wasnt love at first either. I'm not usually super interested until I know the guy a little bit more If a guy suggests a second date,it's the opportunity to get to know each other better so what's the idea about bringing a friend along just because that guy has no plans on a weekend? And pretty sure,he cancelled on me at the last minute to do something with that friend instead. This,in addition with no contact during one month,I doubt any woman would still be interested
mrldii Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Ditto what everyone else has said (so far) and an added ummmm...you're not really in the habit of having first-meets/first-dates pick you up/drop you off at your home 'or somewhere near it', are you?!? 1
Author roxan Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 ummmm...you're not really in the habit of having first-meets/first-dates pick you up/drop you off at your home 'or somewhere near it', are you?!? If it's a first date,especially with complete strangers from dating sites that I know from no where,I don't like when the guy drop me off at home 1
DaisyBug Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Ditto what everyone else has said (so far) and an added ummmm...you're not really in the habit of having first-meets/first-dates pick you up/drop you off at your home 'or somewhere near it', are you?!? Yeah, I would totally not get into any man's car I just met... Anyway, canceling a date only 30 mins ahead of time is rude. There aren't a whole lot of scenarios that make it OK, esp. since some girls like to take a while to get ready. Keep lookin'. 2
mrldii Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 If it's a first date,especially with complete strangers from dating sites that I know from no where,I don't like when the guy drop me off at home What I meant, is why are you getting in an unfamiliar and enclosed vehicle with someone whom you just met for the first time...simply because they *acted* normal and respectful for the 1 - 1.5 hours it took to consume a meal in a public restaurant??? 2
SmartDude Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Why not try again one month later? His thinking makes sense on a certain level. Supose he picked up on your lukewarm atraction to him.. He may have thought you have some one else on your mind and so he tries again in a month. It's a standard teqnique that dudes use. Why throw away when you can recycle? 1
Survivor12 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I think what mrdlii is getting at is if you are concerned for your safety, iwhy would you get into a car with someone you don't know?
mrldii Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I think what mrdlii is getting at is if you are concerned for your safety, iwhy would you get into a car with someone you don't know? Yeah...that's kinda it...but more like, "Since WE ALL are ultimately responsible for our safety, why would you get into a car with someone you don't know?" And, I don't want to panic the OP or give the impression that I'm ultra-paranoid, but while reading her original OP and the follow-up call and his sudden breaking of the "date" (with another unknown guy in tow for her girlfriend), let's just say my spidey-senses went into overdrive. [Perhaps I watch too much ID TV. ]
smackie9 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Whatever.....if it doesn't feel right then it's not. If you find his behavior weird or out of sorts, then you just ignore him and move on. You are going to get a lot of junk wit OLD....hang in there you will find someone.
Author roxan Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 Yeah thinking about it now it was really unsafe to accept that he drive me home, he was really friendly during the date and wasnt trying to be touchy feely etc... so I stupidly thought he could be harmless
Author roxan Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 Why not try again one month later? His thinking makes sense on a certain level. Supose he picked up on your lukewarm atraction to him.. He may have thought you have some one else on your mind and so he tries again in a month. It's a standard teqnique that dudes use. Why throw away when you can recycle? Lol he can try his luck somewhere else:laugh: 1
kenmore Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I believe I'm the second male answering this thread and I share his opinion. I'll say I think him canceling on you 30 min before the date was very weenie. Also, disappearing for that long...too long. Finally, yes, you getting in his car on the first date, not a great idea. That said, I recently had two different women I saw twice before hopping in my car...somehow they still live. I can see an obvious discrepancy between how men and women view this information. It comes from our different perspectives. You said you kinda secretly didn't like him so much but you kinda did. I have felt like that before and can understand it, but he focused in on the good. He did come back and ask you out for the next week. He was interested. From there, your reaction sounded harsh. He wanted to double date and that's OK, but your response (if you portrayed it correctly) was condescending IMO. You made it sound like he was an idiot for asking. Asking is perfectly within reason and nothing to be rude about. Once that happened, the rest of the relationship fell as it would...he took offense (didn't say anything just as you didn't say anything about not really being interested), backpedaled, and made new plans. Now here is where he was wrong: He made plans with you and should have kept them unless he was sick or a real emergency came up (unlikely.) He should have given you hours notice if possible, he obviously remembered the date or he wouldn't have contacted you at all. Short notice is rude! Waiting a month then contacting you again is also suspicious since if he was really interested, he should have spoken to you long before this. That said, if I had asked you on the double date and you had said to me what you said you told him, I would not have come back at all. Maybe I would have tried later, but most likely not. Give him a point for trying, minus two for short notice. Personally, I think you both need to learn how to treat those you are dating more kindly. No rude comments, no sarcasm, no lack of consideration. You met once and all this transpired. No, you should not go out with him again. Next time it may escalate into a hospitalization! Ken
h0000 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 He was lukewarm and couldn't be bothered during that month (or met someone else) and now he's bored and going through his old contact thinking "maybe try her again. nothing to lose"
guest569 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Ignore the loser. HE didn't even provide an excuse for a last minute cancelation,and vanished. I'm sure he will do it again if you are foolish enough to respond. 1
beach Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 (edited) If it's a first date,especially with complete strangers from dating sites that I know from no where,I don't like when the guy drop me off at home Then meet him at the assigned place. It's not smart to have a stranger know the vicinity of your home - so drive yourself to meet him the first few times. I wouldn't reply to his text. Edited July 29, 2015 by beach
Author roxan Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 Thanks for the replies! Yeah,I ll just ignore him. I deleted his text ,like I deleted our previous conversations weeks ago already after he cancelled. I never saved his number anyway,and for me that was it after he flaked without giving any good excuse. I certainly wasnt waiting for him But when I said that I hesitated between ignoring him or replying,I didnt mean replying to him in order to catch up again -which I 'm not interested in btw, plenty of other guys -but just to tell him that contacting me again 1 month later after what he did and furthermore with such a lame excuse like "my phone wasnt working" (like I'm stupid enough to believe his mobile wasnt working during 1 month??!) he is really a douche
guest569 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Thanks for the replies! Yeah,I ll just ignore him. I deleted his text ,like I deleted our previous conversations weeks ago already after he cancelled. I never saved his number anyway,and for me that was it after he flaked without giving any good excuse. I certainly wasnt waiting for him But when I said that I hesitated between ignoring him or replying,I didnt mean replying to him in order to catch up again -which I 'm not interested in btw, plenty of other guys -but just to tell him that contacting me again 1 month later after what he did and furthermore with such a lame excuse like "my phone wasnt working" (like I'm stupid enough to believe his mobile wasnt working during 1 month??!) he is really a douche Yes I've had a similar experience, a guy cancelled last minute on me once but I gave him a chance. (I wasn't into him, my jokes went over his head and he was scruffy as) After The first date didnt hear for about a month and he text out of the blue with the old broken phone excuse. Dont bother wasting your time replying even to tell him a piece of your mind.
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I had a similar story happened to me. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and accepted a second date. He cancelled our second date in the same fashion again. He contacted me a year later full of excuses and guess what? I gave him the benefit of the doubt again. This time we went out but he was only interested in hooking up after. I declined I never heard from him again. He's not worth your precious time don't even think of replying. On a side note I was once held against my will in a man's car for 40 minutes. I had the scare of my life. When we got out of our 1st date it was raining so he offered to drop me at my metro station, he appeared absolutely normal to me so I accepted. He never dropped me at my metro station. Most men are normal till the day you meet a wako. Do not get in these men's car.
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