Jimmyjackson Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Hey guys, it's been a while since I last posted on here. I've barely been on this site for the last couple of months as I've generally felt a lot better about life. Still, no matter how much I try not to, I keep having thoughts about my cheating ex. I seen a picture of her the other day and I realised I'm no longer attracted to her. If I'm not attracted to her, I'm unsure why I think of her? Also, I was walking to work and I seen her car parked up, I quickly looked away before I made eye contact but had to walk past the front of her car to get to work so there's a good chance she seen me as she was sat in it. The issue is, I thought I was over it all but my heart started racing when I seen her and I felt sweaty. I was fine the next day but I was surprised I reacted like this. Her name got mentioned today at work because she used to work where I still do and I was told she's been using drugs which is a huge surprise to me as she used to be against it all, it made me feel weird. I guess my question is, all these months later why do I still have thoughts of her? Why does seeing her for a brief second make my heart race? Why does hearing of her drug use bother me? Like I said, I'm not attracted to her anymore in a physical sense, I'm not in contact with her nor do I wish to be and I wouldn't ever get back with her, I don't want to. Perhaps I still miss the person she used to be? maybe I am over her but I'm just stuck in the past rather than investing in my future?
Ariess10 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Hey guys, it's been a while since I last posted on here. I've barely been on this site for the last couple of months as I've generally felt a lot better about life. Still, no matter how much I try not to, I keep having thoughts about my cheating ex. I seen a picture of her the other day and I realised I'm no longer attracted to her. If I'm not attracted to her, I'm unsure why I think of her? Also, I was walking to work and I seen her car parked up, I quickly looked away before I made eye contact but had to walk past the front of her car to get to work so there's a good chance she seen me as she was sat in it. The issue is, I thought I was over it all but my heart started racing when I seen her and I felt sweaty. I was fine the next day but I was surprised I reacted like this. Her name got mentioned today at work because she used to work where I still do and I was told she's been using drugs which is a huge surprise to me as she used to be against it all, it made me feel weird. I guess my question is, all these months later why do I still have thoughts of her? Why does seeing her for a brief second make my heart race? Why does hearing of her drug use bother me? Like I said, I'm not attracted to her anymore in a physical sense, I'm not in contact with her nor do I wish to be and I wouldn't ever get back with her, I don't want to. Perhaps I still miss the person she used to be? maybe I am over her but I'm just stuck in the past rather than investing in my future? it's all about "what used to be" looking back in the past is a bad habit .. But i think seeing your ex after the first time in months would be hard .. I know my heart would race right now 1
dyna85 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 B/c feelings just don't go away, even if you feel you're doing better. All it takes is a mention of the name of the person, or something to remind you, to jolt you back to that place. It's worse in the early days, months, years. After a few years, the jolt is less potent. In my experience, you never really get over someone you love, in the sense that you fully stop caring. If you truly love the person, you'll always have a place for that person in your heart. This is probably why you were affected about hearing of her drug use. You still care about her well being. It's totally normal and expected...these feelings that you are experiencing. Be grateful for having such a loving heart is all I have to say. 1
Author Jimmyjackson Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 B/c feelings just don't go away, even if you feel you're doing better. All it takes is a mention of the name of the person, or something to remind you, to jolt you back to that place. It's worse in the early days, months, years. After a few years, the jolt is less potent. In my experience, you never really get over someone you love, in the sense that you fully stop caring. If you truly love the person, you'll always have a place for that person in your heart. This is probably why you were affected about hearing of her drug use. You still care about her well being. It's totally normal and expected...these feelings that you are experiencing. Be grateful for having such a loving heart is all I have to say. The drug thing I was especially surprised to hear about, last person I'd expect to do it. I think the only way you get fully over it is by meeting someone even better perhaps? The new person consumes your thoughts and you start to 'believe' again if that makes sense?
dyna85 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 The drug thing I was especially surprised to hear about, last person I'd expect to do it. I think the only way you get fully over it is by meeting someone even better perhaps? The new person consumes your thoughts and you start to 'believe' again if that makes sense? Yes, this is true. You said it perfectly.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 it's all about "what used to be" looking back in the past is a bad habit .. But i think seeing your ex after the first time in months would be hard .. I know my heart would race right now Any tips on how I can stop ruminating?
Itspointless Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Any tips on how I can stop ruminating? Our body often remembers what our brains have pushed away. You have to allow yourself to feel the emotion beneath that makes you ruminate as often these emotions are stuck within us in certain parts of our bodies. 1
Author Jimmyjackson Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 Our body often remembers what our brains have pushed away. You have to allow yourself to feel the emotion beneath that makes you ruminate as often these emotions are stuck within us in certain parts of our bodies. I've been feeling the emotions for 11 months haha, what does that even mean?
Itspointless Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 (edited) I've been feeling the emotions for 11 months haha, what does that even mean? It means that you are not finished yet processing them. Page 76 below: https://books.google.com/books?id=BMdtwsrU9CEC&printsec=frontcover&dq=why+can%27t+I+change&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CCoQ6AEwAGoVChMI-sfsk6SAxwIVzROSCh0zLASZ#v=snippet&q=the%20body%20remembers%20everything&f=false Edited July 29, 2015 by Itspointless
aloneinaz Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I've been feeling the emotions for 11 months haha, what does that even mean? It means you need to be out there tearing up the dating scene. Spending time with hot girls and enjoying their company. You'll then meet some hot new thang and get involved in a new R/S. There's truth to the expression that you can't get fully over your last ex until you meet your next love..
Itspointless Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 It means you need to be out there tearing up the dating scene. Spending time with hot girls and enjoying their company. You'll then meet some hot new thang and get involved in a new R/S. There's truth to the expression that you can't get fully over your last ex until you meet your next love.. Both things - what you said and my point- are important at the right time
Author Jimmyjackson Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 It means you need to be out there tearing up the dating scene. Spending time with hot girls and enjoying their company. You'll then meet some hot new thang and get involved in a new R/S. There's truth to the expression that you can't get fully over your last ex until you meet your next love.. Hearing of her taking drugs really bothered me for some reason. I have nothing against drugs personally, I've done them myself but she never had when I was with her. I hope so, I really wanna meet someone amazing soon to think about, it's getting annoying that I haven't.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 I just feel constantly stuck in my own head it's annoying. I have no desire or interest in doing any activities at all, I stopped going to the gym and I've given up my job search. I just mope around every day. Any advice?
Itspointless Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I just feel constantly stuck in my own head it's annoying. I have no desire or interest in doing any activities at all, I stopped going to the gym and I've given up my job search. I just mope around every day. Any advice? Go for a run outside.
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