Fiance , confrontational, and brings up issues, two weeks before marriage.

[lydon]

My Fiance and I are geting married at the end of May. Everthing was going great, we are organised, we do almost everthing together, good sex life....etc. Lately she has been on edge, like crazy. The smallest thing will send her into a two day silient treatment, and she has been throwing alot of things out lately, that I find very insulting. She almost seems confrontational, to the point, where I really have to pre-think what i am going to say for fear of being jumped on (verbally). We had a small fight last week, just before her "last night out with the girls", the silient treatment lasted three days. This was because I called her out on being confrontational. So its been four days since we made up. Last night she goes out with her daughter, for an hour, and when she returns she is in ****ty mood, and she doesn't want to talk to me. I procede to tell her about some real-estate matters we are going through, to which she blows off the handle, and goes back into the silient treatment. We get through the night , but on the drive home, I ask her why she is in such a bad, mood, and why am i getting the silient treatment. She tells me to F*&%-off, and to leave her alone. Not before she tells me I have no "balls" when i comes to dealling with people, and that all of a sudden we have issues in the bedroom. This is the first I've heard of with regaurds to these issues. she spent the next 15 minutes, verbally insulting me, and then went to bed.

 

 

I am going out on my "stag night" tonight, and our parents are meeting for the first time on the weekend. I really don't feel like talking to her, and don't want to for some time till I can deal with things in my head. I think I need to stand my ground and let her come to me first, with an apologue, and an explanation. Before I let my gaurd down.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts of what is going on, and how we can deal with this !!!!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

It sounds like she has some unresolved issues that she is panicked and terrified of bringing into a marriage - and it could well be that she is afraid of being with someone permanently that she has such issues with. That I can understand, but... there is NO EXCUSE for how she's treating you as a result of those fears, and there no reason to allow her to continue expressing her rage in such an abusive way.

 

I think I need to stand my ground and let her come to me first, with an apologue, and an explanation.

 

I expect she will only do that under pressure, or under threat of having the wedding called off - and even then, you'd know it wasn't sincere.

 

I would suggest setting up some pre-marital counseling and if she refuses to, then postpone the wedding. There is no chance of having a happy marriage that starts off this way. Pre-marital counseling may help her to better communicate the problems she is having and help you cope with them.

[lydon]

I to believe she has some unresolved issues. She has a very hard time expressing her feelings. She has a spoted past in terms of family, relationships, sexual abuse. Im not sure if there is an issue in the bedroom, because she said it once, and then dropped it, kinda felt like in was a defence mechanism, because i was calmly trying to talk about things. She has had to fight for everything she has, very independant. I am simply try to tell her that i am my own person and, all her past issues, are not mine. i just wan to sit down and talk about things, calmly, and work through, her fears, and pre-expectations. But when ever i begin the conversation, she reacts with anger, and verbal abuse, i am beginning to feel like i am being bullied.

 

 

How do i convince her that i am here to be her partner , and am willing to help her confront any fear, or confusion, together.

[PatientOne]

Well Friend, I don't know how long the two of you have been together, but it sounds like a good idea to maybe postpone the wedding for a while. It would give her time to deal with whatever issues she has, and if she continues this behavior, a chance for you to reconsider if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

And if you do postpone, at least you'll prove you have balls.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Originally posted by PatientOne

Well Friend, I don't know how long the two of you have been together, but it sounds like a good idea to maybe postpone the wedding for a while. It would give her time to deal with whatever issues she has, and if she continues this behavior, a chance for you to reconsider if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

And if you do postpone, at least you'll prove you have balls.

 

I agree 100%.

 

You can't marry someone who is treating you like that, and acting so erratically.

 

Don't be too shocked at her reaction to postponing the wedding, which will not be good. Based on what you have told us so far, her reaction will probably be something like "Heh. YOU don't want to marry ME? FINE!!! - you're lousy in the sack anyway!" (or something equally hurtful), but this will just be that same acting out you have been seeing of late. Don't let it get to you too much. There are definately things on her mind, and I doubt your performance in bed has much if anything to do with them.

 

Tell her that you love her, and want to spend the rest of your life with her, but that you do not understand the way she is acting, and treating you, and that you really would like to talk about it and try to resolve those issues. Suggest that perhaps both of you could go to counseling together. See what happens.

[lydon]

In her side. I am a passive agressive person, buy nature. I have difficulties talking to her for fear of aN EXPLOSION OF ANGER. How can i start a conversation with her,in a way that she will not take as threatening. She, under her breath, said last night. When i belittle her opinion, or disregaurd it, she's forces to turn into a loud a**h***. I wasn't consciencely doing this, i just didn't want to be lectured and nagged anymore. I knew i had made a bad decision, but it was past the point of being able to correct it( real-estate).

 

So, this is how the week went.

 

Fight on thursday, didn't talk to her on friday, saturday, sunday we went out for mothers day( talked indirectly), made small talk sunday night. I chose not to talk about it on mothers day. Last night we have more small talk, about the wedding plans and how much stuff we have to do before we go. go to bed, laugh, and have some intimacy.

 

I go to work today, call her at lunch, she is in a bad mood, does'nt really want to talk, voice sounds a little despressed. I want to talk to her tonight, on nuetral ground...How should I initiate the conversation.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by WithOrWithoutYou

I agree 100%.

 

You can't marry someone who is treating you like that, and acting so erratically.

 

 

nuff said.

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by lydon

Does anyone have any thoughts of what is going on?

 

Yes. Honeymoon's over. Welcome to the club! When you purchase the cow, it starts kicking the milk.

[guest]

my boyfriend has just divorced a few months ago, and like you he is "toooo nice". he was married to a nightmare woman who treated him like **** and he always gave in to her no matter how big of a bitch she was. your a nice guy and i would hate for you to spend 20 yrs with a woman who makes you unhappy and treats you like **** "to be nice".