cheechee Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Hi LS, I posted here twice previously after the breakup. Basically boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me out of nowhere and I was blaming myself for everything. Then I got some text messages from him saying he missed me. Great people here on LS gave me great advice, helped me to stay strong and I was doing really good staying NC and recovering slowly, getting my life back. Ever since then he messaged me again telling me part of the reason he broke up with me was because he started to develop a crush on someone at work. I was devastated that he did not tell me when he broke up with me. But I dealt with it, never responded and tried to move on. Then the other day we had to talk about mailing back my paycheck to me. Everything was distant and polite between us, which was nice. Then he said he would undo everything if he could. I told him he obviously gave us up for something really amazing, and he should pursue that. He said it was nothing amazing, he gave us up for a feeling that something was not right between us. For some reason this just really got me. Afterwards I sent him two long emotional messages saying that I really thought we would have a great future, that I never thought he would lie to me. These are the weakest moments I have ever showed him since NC. I was not proud of myself. Then the next day he texted, asking to talk about the break up, why he did that, and if I could ever trust him again. I did not want to talk about these because I do not feel like we are ready yet. But I picked up his call anyways... It was like a Korean drama show. Basically he was crying and telling me he loves me, every time he thinks about the breakup he wants to cry. He wants to cry when he's at work, he wants to cry when he was going on dates. He said the dates only remind him how great we were, how great I was and he was an idiot to throw that away. Initially he liked the girl at work because he felt like she was very articulate with her emotions, which has been a problem for us. But now he realized nothing else she has is comparable to me. This made me furious. So when I was trying to pull myself up, getting my life back, questioning everything I know, he was pursuing this person? Now this fell through, he wants me back? Am I his safety net? How far did they go? Did they do it? How many times? How soon? Where? How? Was it good?... Yes, they did it. Multiple times. Very soon after we broke up. In the bed of his that I liked so much (it was a really nice bed). I don't know how it was but I assumed it was good because he eventually said "it was just sex. not sex with you, not sex with someone I love." That means it's still good right? He was crying and saying I probably would never take him back after I know this. But he had to be honest with me if he wants to give this a shot. He said he was really worried that I cannot accept this. Because if the situation is reversed he probably can't... At this point I was really numb and had not cried since the conversation started 2 hours ago. We were all exhausted and hang up. Then I started thinking about the conversation. He said he had a crush on her. She was filling his head with crap about me, saying I was not a nice person. What the f did he tell her about us that made her say I was not a nice person? I called back and he said he told her some of our problems. I was crashed at that point and started crying and yelling he had no respect whatsoever for what we had. He started yelling too that he was a horrible person. (Korean drama I know.) After we hang up again, he went over to the other girl's place and ended things with her. He then called me again saying she insulted him really badly and he just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. He was worried about she would sabotage him at work. I felt so painful for him, but even more so for myself. He made a mistake and the both of us are dealing with the consequences... I know a lot of people get on this forum wanting to get back with of their ex. But now the option is here I don't know what to do. How do I forgive him? Is it worth it to even try? Can we ever go back to what we had? There will be times I want to bring this up but I can't. How will I deal with these emotions? I don't even know if he still wants to try after all the yelling and crying after last night. But I'm just trying to move forward and do the best for me, and him. Sorry about the rambling. I am hoping to hear from you guys. Have you been in a situation like this. Does it ever work out?
quattrob Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 I have to say you were doing great until you sent those 2 emotional long messages to him. You took steps forward but took a huge leap backwards imo. So this guy gave you up for someone else without telling you until now? Why would you want to be with someone who gave up everything between you and him so easily? How is that love? So he realizes after having sex and being with the other girl that he loves you now? Give me a break. Let me tell you what happened, this girl he ditched you for was not what he thought it would be. She seemed all great and sexy but after awhile he realized she was not as good as it started out to be. So he compared the relationship with you and hers and realized that the relationship that he had with you wasn't so bad. And now he wants it back because he's a wuss. He really only cares about his needs/wants not yours. He is crying not for you, he is crying thinking about himself. In your current state, you should really think hard if you can really trust this person again. Personally I would not give this guy another chance, at least not anytime soon. Not until you are completely over what he did and he definitely needs to change. The relationship is doomed for failure if both of you have not changed. I'd get rid of him from your life and find someone that will appreciate you and that will treat you right. 1
casey.lives Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 *he put his work in jeopardy* he put his relationship in jeopardy. *he put her life in jeopardy..........I think.. he is not ready for seriousness of being adult. he should naturally grow up... and i mean "natural" because it's something that people come to do on their own. it's best not to force anyone to mature.. we genuinely attract who we are suitable with. love language is important.. it might be for the best. good luck
Recommended Posts