grokcahsevol Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 It's been about one month of NC, and I'm really taken back that she hasn't reached out. For those who don't know my situation, heres a quick recap. She was with a girl about 11 years ago, she was 13. I met her when she was 15 and I was 17. We were together for 9 years. Last month, they got in touch, caught up and started dating after she told me she needed space, blah blah blah. ( I am a guy btw) We didn't have a terrible breakup, I respected her decision and told her to reach out if she wants to try things out again. Anyway, I started seeing a therapist, shes a nice lady but I don't think she is able to help or guide me through my situation. I wanted to get some advice on this, as a guy, do you think it's best to see a women or male therapist? Someone even suggested I go see a gay therapist as they will have a better insight on the situation. I also have a letter written out, which has been revised numours times since the breakup. I have not sent it to her yet. I know many here will say NOT to send it, but I will be going against that. I'm mentally and emotionally prepared to 1) get no response back. or 2) Get a response of "I'm moving on, please don't talk to me" type of response. Overall, I am doing "Okay" I just feel very lonely sometimes. I lost all of our mutual friends. I attempted to rekindle some old friendships with a lot of my friends from high school, however, they are all doing hard drugs these days which I don't want to be surrounded by. to top it off, my parents and brother will be moving back to Europe and the thought of the holidays and not having them here devastates me. I've been to a few concerts by myself, and talk to people but I just don't feel any connections to become friends with anyone I do talk to. I just needed to vent and get some advice thanks
aloneinaz Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Listen, You want some advice? DON'T mail that letter. There's no reason nor any value to do that. She's back with her GF and living her life. You need to leave her alone and move forward. If you send that letter or contact you, she'll really think you're pathetic, needy and desperate. I'm sure she'll share it with her GF and both will enjoy a good laugh at your expense. Think with your brain here, not you heart! A lot of people have been where you are. In between relationships and not having friends around. Keep plugging away at connecting with people near you. Join a gym. Join a single, meet up group. Join a club or interest to you. The other thing you should consider is DATING again. You DON'T have to be completely OVER you last R/S to casually date and enjoy spending time w/the opposite sex. Having some laughs and conversation with a new girl does wonders. Just because things are not as you'd like today does NOT mean they won't be better in the near future. All it takes is to meet a new girl that you totally like and connect with that feels the same towards you, to turn things around for you.
drade Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Listen, I just hit a month of no contact. Yesterday, I was feeling the same way: I need to reach out, to send something, I am ready. I was fooling myself. I'm not ready, and why should I reach out, I got dumped (even though I caused the breakup). Don't send it. Keep doing what your doing. She is with another person, relatively quick post breakup. That should be an even bigger factor to not send that letter. You will give her ALL the power. I know what your going through, even though I didn't date someone close to a year, I understand what your feeling. Take that letter, burn it, and move on. Don't get caught in the waves, dont let the undertow suck you in. You told her if she wants to reach out, you'd respect her. You gave her the ball. This should add to why you shouldn't contact her. She is living her life, she has moved on, and clearly she has no intentions of reaching out to you. Don't hurt yourself man..
Author grokcahsevol Posted July 28, 2015 Author Posted July 28, 2015 I appreciate both responses. I'm not sure if it makes a difference or not, but the letter is not some sort of I need you or I can't live my life without you type letter. It's not a plea bargain at all. It's essentially just letting her know that I enjoyed my 9 years being with her and it was a great ride and great learning experience, and wishing her the best with university. And of course some little thoughts of happy memories here and there and letting her know that I respect her decisions and this will make us better people for future relationships (even though she hopped into one right away)
drade Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 I appreciate both responses. I'm not sure if it makes a difference or not, but the letter is not some sort of I need you or I can't live my life without you type letter. It's not a plea bargain at all. It's essentially just letting her know that I enjoyed my 9 years being with her and it was a great ride and great learning experience, and wishing her the best with university. And of course some little thoughts of happy memories here and there and letting her know that I respect her decisions and this will make us better people for future relationships (even though she hopped into one right away) I am not saying, nor do I think others are saying, that your letter revolves around the whole "take me back, i can't live without you, i miss you bla bla bla stuff." She should know, after nine years, that it was a great ride with some ups and downs. More importantly, you should know that is was a terrific learning experience. She's a big girl, her future life with becoming a college student should be her worry and focus, not yours. But I totally get WHY you would want to send this, to wish her the best, and for her to be happy. Keep the memories. They will always be there. But keep your self respect and pride, and don't send her that message. She knows what you had, what she has now, and knows you as a person. You shouldn't have to waste anymore time getting that closure in. It's closure. Forget it. Burn that piece of paper or delete that message you wrote. I did this. It did nothing, but make me feel worse in the end. What type of response did I get ? "I appreciate what you wrote, and I know what we had was special and I will never forget the memories. I do miss you." That's what I got, another knife in the chest. (this was from a relationship waaay back in the day). Listen, I just got dumped two months ago. What is the ONE thing I didn't do this time around? Send a closure message. She knows where you stand, and you know where you stand. Continue to not contact her, put yourself first, be selfish. She is with another human being. She's experiencing new memories, firsts, what have you with this individual, not you. The past is the past, leave it there. If it returns, then it does. If it doesn't, it shouldn't matter because at some point in time you will be completely over this, and it will be a distant memory.
aloneinaz Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I appreciate both responses. I'm not sure if it makes a difference or not, but the letter is not some sort of I need you or I can't live my life without you type letter. It's not a plea bargain at all. It's essentially just letting her know that I enjoyed my 9 years being with her and it was a great ride and great learning experience, and wishing her the best with university. And of course some little thoughts of happy memories here and there and letting her know that I respect her decisions and this will make us better people for future relationships (even though she hopped into one right away) It's absolutely NOT needed what-so-ever! It's your attempt to stay in her life and get her attention and maybe pull on her heart strings. All it will do is stroke her ego and think you need to get a life and accept that it's over. Spend your time and energy healing and moving on from her. Start dating when you're up to it.
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