dowbuild Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Hey everyone, mostly here because I have talked to my friends and family to the point where I don't think they want to hear about it anymore. I dated a wonderful guy for 2 years. We broke up once last fall, it was a huge blow to me that I never saw coming. He didnt have the conversation to breakup but rather thought that I should know that even though he loved me so much, that he didn't know if he could see a future with me. So I kinda ended it heartbroken. We slowly started speaking after he had some time away then he came back to me saying he was sorry and that it was just issues he had to work through and wanted to be with me. Of course I was more than happy, I loved this guy more than any person I had ever met. Our relationship was great at first then we started to work back into poor communication issues and I felt like we were back to where we were despite my desire to make this the best relationship. Well two weeks ago we start talking about the future and he lets me know out of the blue that he has pretty much given up and still thinks he should know by now if he wants a future with me but he doesn't. I was crushed again out of the blue but willing to work on things because I was so attached to him. By the end of the coversation he said he had given up so there was nothing left for me to do but walk away. I blocked him from every possible form of social media and didnt have contact for two weeks. I was dying. I went into a major depression and couldn't get out of it. Luckily I got busy with work so that had to pull me out. I got a small prescription for ativan which has worked wonders with my anixety. THis week we met we went over everything again and it just confirms he is really and truly done. But he is 100% there for me. I can't tell if this is a good thing or not because I just keep finding myself wanting to call him or talk to him to make me feel better but how long can that go on for. I would love to be able to look at this logically and start to move on like he is but I am dying and so crushed. I miss him every second I am awake and cannot think of anything else. I feel stuck.
aloneinaz Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Sweetie, You can't fit a square block into a round hole. What you stated is that there was simply a compatibility issue between you two. You've now sustained two break ups with this guy. That should illustrate enough for you that it's time to move on to someone who'd LOVE to have a future with you. To get over this and heal, you need to have no further contact w/him. This isn't to punish him but for you to heal from him. Stick around on this site and read the NC thread. There's lots of good info here and you'll figure out what works (NC) and what doesn't (LC). 1
gls081209 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 I'm sorry you're going through this and I don't wish it upon anyone. I am you as I am only one week out of my two year relationship and it ended similarly and blindsided me. I'm in unbearable pain along with mass amounts of rage and sadness. How I'm getting through it is absolutely no contact and no social media. If you continue to be in contact, you will be in unbearable pain much longer then you would be if didn't contact him. This isn't about him and his feelings, he was a jerk to you, and you should be more concerned about yourself and your feelings. Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who can't decide how he feels about you and hurts you? You should be with someone who thinks you're a rock star. I know it's easier said than done. I'm trying to find a new normal. I'm establishing a routine that has nothing to do with anything I did with him. I went back to the gym (which is great for rage and makes you feel better about yourself) and hang out in a different part of my house that is different then where we spent our time. I'm watching a marathon of a tv show I loved as a kid. However, I cry a lot and I talk a lot to friends, but in order to not exhaust them, I have an appointment with a counselor. As much as this all sucks a big one... you have to feel it and go through it. Grieve it now and feel it as much as possible and you will heal you in the long run. Isn't the best revenge being a happy girl who doesn't let someone else steal her power? That's kind of what I believe. I know it's cheesy, but I really like this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Be kind to yourself and realize that you're worth more than that. 1
Author dowbuild Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Thank you so much everyone. I know everything you say is true. I wish so badly I could be one of those people that lets go of things that aren't right for them but I attach so strongly and it affects everything about me. I am sadly and literally obsessed with thinking about it. I thought I was making progress (it has been one month) but now I am back to wanting to try and make it work again. I can't seem to make any progress on letting go. I'm stuck.
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