My girlfriend said she needed some time to calm herself down, and request not to see

[Dio castillo]

So we have been dating for one and half year, so this is quite a long tern, intimate relationship. We know each other very well and we allowed each other to walk into both life pretty much very deeply. She even talks about getting married and have kids.

During this time, we fought quite a few times. The problem mostly because of

communication or idea differences. She was not a very good communicator, and I am kind of thick headed. My problem probably was my ego, I tend to walk away or keep distance every time we fought, saying something like "Forget it" or " Maybe we both need some time alone" things like that.

 

Maybe she thinks that every time we fought it is always her problem and I am always stay upper handed. This time we fought over some small unimportant matters,she said to me she need to clam down and she doesn't want to see me temporarily. I was quite surprise when she told me that. I knew sometimes I did hurt her feelings pretty deeply. I am not very good at express or sense others emotions. I do love her, maybe in time I made her felt that she is not important to me, but the truth is that she IS very important to me.

 

Should I let her know this? or should I give her some time and space to think about it? please help! Thank you!

[Gaeta]

Should I let her know this? or should I give her some time and space to think about it? please help! Thank you!

 

You do both. Apologize and tell her she means the world to you and you'll be there when she's ready to talk again.

 

If you know your heard head is hurting your relationship than why don't you do something about it? one day that very same problem will drive you to a divorce and you'll then have much more to lose than a girlfriend.

[giblesp]

If its like this now, what would it be like 5 years down the line? If you did get married and have kids, her walking away 'temporarily' isn't going to work for the family, is it.

 

She's calling the shots now, treating you like a ping pong ball. If you let a woman push you away and then draw you back when her highness is ready, she will lose respect for you and treat you worse.

 

I've been in these situations many times now. I'd walk away and avoid the downward spiral.

 

But, you're in love and want her back don't you.

So.... Let her have her space and don't contact her. When her highness decides to take her loyal subject back, tell her you need a little time also. Now, if she can't give you what you just gave her, time apart, if she starts stamping her feet and talking about the relationship ending, WALK AWAY its never going to work.

 

Right now, she knows that she has the power. You have to take your power back, in order to reignite her passion. Don't be an ar*ehole about it, just concentrate on your work and be happy with yourself.

[Gaeta]

If its like this now, what would it be like 5 years down the line? If you did get married and have kids, her walking away 'temporarily' isn't going to work for the family, is it.

 

She's calling the shots now, treating you like a ping pong ball. If you let a woman push you away and then draw you back when her highness is ready, she will lose respect for you and treat you worse.

 

I've been in these situations many times now. I'd walk away and avoid the downward spiral.

 

But, you're in love and want her back don't you.

So.... Let her have her space and don't contact her. When her highness decides to take her loyal subject back, tell her you need a little time also. Now, if she can't give you what you just gave her, time apart, if she starts stamping her feet and talking about the relationship ending, WALK AWAY its never going to work.

 

Right now, she knows that she has the power. You have to take your power back, in order to reignite her passion. Don't be an ar*ehole about it, just concentrate on your work and be happy with yourself.

 

 

Have you read this thread at all ?

 

OP admits his faults : I am kind of thick headed. My problem probably was my ego, I tend to walk away or keep distance every time we fought, saying something like "Forget it" or " Maybe we both need some time alone" things like that.

 

But she's a manipulative B* for wanting a break from this? At least she has the sensitivity to warn him she needs a break.

[xcupid]

Give her space. Apologize when things calm down. Both of you should start working on your communication skills especially when fighting - get help with that if necessary. This situation isn't going to improve with time or when you are married if you get married.

[Popsicle]

Pssh. A year and a half is nothing.

 

It's best to give her the space she requested. People need that to think and get in touch with their feelings.

[Dio castillo]

She is not a manipulative b**, she is the kind of girl if you call her and tell her you love her, she will be very happy and remembers it, if you kiss her in the shoulder she will let you know she likes it you doing that to her.

I maybe exaggerating, but like giblesp I have had many relationships that girls playing mind games and being manipulative all my life. So that is why I gradually develop the kind of mind set to keep distance whenever I kinda feel she cross the line.

 

I think most of her problems is that she is not a good communicator, whenever

she felt upset she tend to let her emotions out rather than talk about it. Most of the time that she felt upset it wasn't caused by me, but by her body condition, family, works....etc

 

If the matter is small, I normally take it as if nothing happened, but sometimes

I just can't stand her ill temperament.

[GoBlue]

When someone asks for a break, you grant their wish. Having some time apart would probably be a benefit to you as well. It's one thing to admit that you are "thick headed" and it's quite another to actively take steps to make a change. There are numerous books available that can help you communicate better. Some examples are: His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harvey Jr., Love and Respect for aLifetime by DR. Emerson Eggerichs, and The Five Love Languages byGary Chapman. A woman (or a man for that matter) gets very weary when someone continually apologizes for doing the same thing over-and-over again without making any changes. It begins to make the apology sound trite and not really authentic. Giving her the space that she asked for and then using the time effectively by working on yourself, could go a long way in healing the hurt. If you want a marriage with this woman or any other in the future making the appropriate changes now can go a long way to seeing that desire realized. My thoughts and prayers are with you.