LostOne1 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 So I'm part of crossfit which is like a gym where you train in groups of people. I started recently about a month ago and normally I just care about my routine. But this girl showed up and I think she is probably new too by maybe a month more than me. I find her attractive, though most guys may not. She isn't super slim or anything, but I can see works hard! Anyway here is the interesting part. I'm 90% sure this girl and I liked each other on Tinder maybe 4-6 months ago. We never met, and I don't think she ever responded back to my initial "HI" message. We have never talked when I saw her in person, though I noticed if I looked at her she would look away. So, I thought nothing of it and ignored her too. But, last week I was in the hallway outside the main changing rooms and she came by as she had to enter the womens room. She said Hi, how are you, I replied great and you.(you know the typical reply). I was a bit surprised she said anything to me with a big smile too. I was thinking she is just being friendly. That same day after we ended our routine, she had to walk by me to grab her stuff. She smilied and said "nice work on the routine". So, I said thanks and layed down. She kinda changed her footwear near me and as she left she almost looked back but not quite enough to make eye contact and walked away. Now fast forward to today, a week later I see her at crossfit again. Except this time she walks past me 4-5 times and does not smile or say Hi at all. I don't know if she was waiting for me to say something. At one point I had to graab a bar which was behind her, so I walked right up to her litterally and she did not make eye contact at all. Then said sorry and kind of dived out of my way for me. In fact when I tried to make eye contact she showed none. At one point during warm up she looked away when we did finally make eye contact. So, I am confused now... is this girl into me or what? At times in the past I noticed she either did a routine next to me or a warm up near me. But, I always took it as her just finding space. I'm also a bit hesitant to do something more so because if she wasn't interested. Well, I'm stuck seeing her 2-3 times per a week for possibly whole year! But, I'm getting distracted by her now and it sucks!
jen1447 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 So I'm part of crossfit which is like a gym where you train in groups of people. I started recently about a month ago and normally I just care about my routine. But this girl showed up and I think she is probably new too by maybe a month more than me. I find her attractive, though most guys may not. She isn't super slim or anything, but I can see works hard! Anyway here is the interesting part. I'm 90% sure this girl and I liked each other on Tinder maybe 4-6 months ago. We never met, and I don't think she ever responded back to my initial "HI" message. We have never talked when I saw her in person, though I noticed if I looked at her she would look away. So, I thought nothing of it and ignored her too. But, last week I was in the hallway outside the main changing rooms and she came by as she had to enter the womens room. She said Hi, how are you, I replied great and you.(you know the typical reply). I was a bit surprised she said anything to me with a big smile too. I was thinking she is just being friendly. That same day after we ended our routine, she had to walk by me to grab her stuff. She smilied and said "nice work on the routine". So, I said thanks and layed down. She kinda changed her footwear near me and as she left she almost looked back but not quite enough to make eye contact and walked away. Now fast forward to today, a week later I see her at crossfit again. Except this time she walks past me 4-5 times and does not smile or say Hi at all. I don't know if she was waiting for me to say something. At one point I had to graab a bar which was behind her, so I walked right up to her litterally and she did not make eye contact at all. Then said sorry and kind of dived out of my way for me. In fact when I tried to make eye contact she showed none. At one point during warm up she looked away when we did finally make eye contact. So, I am confused now... is this girl into me or what? At times in the past I noticed she either did a routine next to me or a warm up near me. But, I always took it as her just finding space. I'm also a bit hesitant to do something more so because if she wasn't interested. Well, I'm stuck seeing her 2-3 times per a week for possibly whole year! But, I'm getting distracted by her now and it sucks! If she's not smiling at you now it doesn't sound good. Smiles are the single biggest indicator of interest, bc they're usually involuntary and 'betray' an inner emotion that may not be stated. (People don't smile genuinely at ppl they dislike, and you can usually tell real smiles from false ones - the latter stay on the mouth.) Who knows why she stopped smiling, but that's not really the question.
Author LostOne1 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 If she's not smiling at you now it doesn't sound good. Smiles are the single biggest indicator of interest, bc they're usually involuntary and 'betray' an inner emotion that may not be stated. (People don't smile genuinely at ppl they dislike, and you can usually tell real smiles from false ones - the latter stay on the mouth.) Who knows why she stopped smiling, but that's not really the question. See I'm not sure if I agree.... I NEVER smile at women I like. Because for me it's making it too obvious. Or, I only ever smile if someone smiles first. I sort of get the feeling that's how she might be acting. Also she never walks by other guys and says "good job" after a work out. And, there were other guys next to me. Why not tell them they did a good job too?
smackie9 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 See I'm not sure if I agree.... I NEVER smile at women I like. Because for me it's making it too obvious. This is why she stopped smiling....you are being a chicken s hit. Grab some balls and ask if she would like to grab a juice at the juice bar....you are buying. Smile and say "Hey how ya doin? Had a good workout, how about you? blah blah blah, BTW my name is ______, nice to meet you _____. So what else do you like to do besides going to the gym? blah blah blah. I was thinking, I'm going over to ____ for a ____ later, want to join me?.....end of scene. BTW you WANT to make it obvious dummy....why wouldn't you? 1
Author LostOne1 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 This is why she stopped smiling....you are being a chicken s hit. Grab some balls and ask if she would like to grab a juice at the juice bar....you are buying. Smile and say "Hey how ya doin? Had a good workout, how about you? blah blah blah, BTW my name is ______, nice to meet you _____. So what else do you like to do besides going to the gym? blah blah blah. I was thinking, I'm going over to ____ for a ____ later, want to join me?.....end of scene. BTW you WANT to make it obvious dummy....why wouldn't you? Oh believe me... asking her out is not problem or even talking to her. The thing is my rule has always been keep the gym setting professional. I guess this girl just kinda threw things out for me. Plus the fact that I could've swore she liked me on Tinder before makes it more different. The part that bugs me is that this is such a close knit community at the crossfit center I am at. So, the last thing I want is to either read the wrong signals and have to see her 2-3 times a week for a whole year. Or have her pass around some rumour about "oh that weird guy". Although, I doubt that would happen. But, I'm getting the feeling I need to just say F it.... and just say Hi if I run into her. And then at the end of the workout routine when we are all done. Just go sit next to her and just say Hi and say we haven't formally been introduced.... blah blah my name.. etc.. and take it from there. I guess I'll get a vibe of if she is interested or not.
smackie9 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Oh good lord! you are just asking her out......no big deal, and yet you find every excuse to make it one.
danmillar Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Oh good lord! you are just asking her out......no big deal, and yet you find every excuse to make it one. Why are you so negative and hateful in every post?
jen1447 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 See I'm not sure if I agree.... I NEVER smile at women I like. Because for me it's making it too obvious. Or, I only ever smile if someone smiles first. I sort of get the feeling that's how she might be acting. Also she never walks by other guys and says "good job" after a work out. And, there were other guys next to me. Why not tell them they did a good job too? Bottom line is listen to your gut, e.g. your social intuition. If it's telling you positive things about your interactions with her, make a move. If it's telling you negative things, don't. The way it sounded to me in your first post was that it had been positive but turned negative.
Author LostOne1 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Well here is the odd part.. I go on Wednesdays... and I never see her there. Or at least haven't in the last 2-3 weeks. But I signed up my schedule for this week and we can see each who signs up for a class. That is if you reserve a spot. I always do, but I don't think she does. It still gives her a chance to see when I'm there and I wonder if that's why she showed up. So it was super packed today, we didn't get a chance to talk as we didn't really walk into each other today. But, I heard the coach say her name and he said mines too. I over saw her looking my way when the coach was helping me and she it seemed like she was listening in. Lastly, we did a hard workout and since I'm new I was the last guy left working out still. The trainer was pushing me to gut through the last few reps. She was done a bit earlier and walked by. Then as she walked by she made eye contact and smiled. Then looked down... not sure if at my new shoes, my legs or the weight between my legs. After that. the class was over and she decided to stuck it for the next one. I was laying there for quite a bit recovering from such a tough workout. I could've waited longer, but the next class was another hour and I wanted to head home. So anyway, she did smile today and it threw me off. I'm dying there in pain and that smile just helped me forget the pain for the last round. I should be seeing her Friday I think.... So, I'm hoping we run into each other and I'm going to say Hi.. stop and start a chat with her. My gut feeling tells me she is waiting for me to initiate, because she already did once. So she might be thinking I say Hi and all out of being nice and not interest. BTW would bringing up Tinder be a good idea? In other words, saying I think I've seen her some where before.... I think that's one of the reasons why I feel she is interested too. That is.. if she remembers me...
Author LostOne1 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Bottom line is listen to your gut, e.g. your social intuition. If it's telling you positive things about your interactions with her, make a move. If it's telling you negative things, don't. The way it sounded to me in your first post was that it had been positive but turned negative. Well my gut says... she is interested. My logical mind says... I've never seen her smile towards another guy she has never met at the center. Besides one guy, who I believe is helping her train, as he is a apprentice trainer. I don't recall her ever walking by another guy and saying "nice work" on a routine. Nor has she said anything to any other guys. But, then again I see negative things: Maybe she is just being friendly She has walked past me many times and never said anything. And at other times she has (very few times). I guess I wish I just had a clear sign. And, I think in the end it's going to be from small talk. I'll see how she reacts... does she get super happy and smile a lot when I chat with her. Or is she in a rush to get out or away. If she's interested she won't want to run away or move away quickly. I guess I'm going to be patient. The right opportunity will show up and I"ll see how it goes. I'm not going to get to hung up over her. If it plays out well... great. If not.. great! Either way, I'm getting my work out and that's my goal when hitting the centre.
Author LostOne1 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 Maybe.. possibly ... quite likely.. Are you saying that because you're her? Or that you've done something like this too before?
fitnessfan365 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Dude, you had a green light w-this woman initially. If she initiated conversation once, it might be because she's friendly. But she initiated conversation twice and smiled at you multiple times. When she initially said "Hi how are you" before the workout, that was your cue to get her name. Build some familiarity, small talk, flirt a little. Then when she told you "Good job on the routine" you could have started more playful banter w-her off that. As she gets up and walks away w-a partial look back, it's your cue to follow her and then close it making plans/getting her number. Unfortunately though, you weren't quick enough on your feet and you kind of brushed her off. Especially on the second opening when your only response was "Thanks" and laying down..LOL After that, she probably figures you aren't interested and that's why she's acting differently towards you now. If you want to regain momentum, you'll have to put yourself out there and strike up conversation. Be more direct and assertive.
yxalitis Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Yep, I agree with Fitness... She put the feelers out, but you didn't respond...girls like confident, assertive guys, and you acted like a lame fish Be a man for fracks sake, and ASK HER OUT.. Jesus, no wonder woman get jaded... Imagine the convo she has with her friend: "I gave him all the signs, but he didn't ask me out" "Yeah, he's probably got a gf already...forget him"
jen1447 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Well my gut says... she is interested. Love isn't really logical or at least not bound by logic, so go with your gut.
xcupid Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 You are WAY overthinking this whole thing. Approach her. Chat with her. Get to know her. If it seems like things are working out, ask her out. Stop thinking about it so much. And don't mention Tinder. Good luck! 2
smackie9 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 This is the way guys in general should be......You go ahead and make your move, because YOU are interested, not because she seems or could be interested. It's such a time waster, pondering, wondering, analyzing the s hit out of the situation...by then she thinks you are a dolt and a confident guy will swoop in there and get the date. 2
Author LostOne1 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 Well if you want a follow up... I did it today. I went in today even though Tuesday is NOT my normal day to attend the centre. But, I knew she would be there at a set time and I decided today was it. It was all or nothing today. Either I take action or forever hold my peace.... I walked around to put my stuff away and I know she must have seen me. I even made short eye contact and then she finished up her workout. She sat down alone for a bit... I think she might have had a quick glance my way... and I was already looking right at her. That's when I took a deep breath and walked right towards her as she was sitting down almost off to an area away from others. She saw me coming and eventually smiled and said HI. Then, I sat down right next to her and we talked for a very short time. I told her I was there for the next class, which literally started around the time I sat next to her. The downside is I didn't get a chance to ask her out. We kept the convo very basic (names, occupations, why we joined this place), but what I felt was that the door was opened now. I don't think we will have any awkwardness.... UNLESS she isn't interested and was just talking for the sake of it. She left at some point and said she'll see me around this week. And, then the coach called me in to join the workout. I didn't mention anything about Tinder at all. So, I don't know if she even remember me from it or not. But, I'm planning on going back Friday, so I'll probably ask her out then for the weekend. Since, we have broken the ice now and we know each others names and a short bit about each other. The sad part is I don't know if she likes me... her body language says one thing. But maybe she was shy or couldn't believe I made a move after so long. Either way... I felt so good doing it. I may have not gotten the entire result I wanted.... but at least I did it... I feel like this load off my shoulders is gone. Now the last ditch effort is asking her out on Friday. That's when I will know if she does like me or if it was me just seeing things.... I guess in the end though... I don't know if she's just being nice or actually likes me or was waiting for me to approach her.
Lansing Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Good to hear but my suggestion isn't to ask her out for the weekend. Asking a girl out on Friday for that weekend is cutting it short. 2
RoseVille Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Nothing about even her initial friendliness suggests she's romantically interested in you. CF is about camaraderie, it's a family in that box, so of course you're going to be nice and encourage others there during/after the WOD. Saying hi, how are you, good job, at CF, doesn't mean she's interested. You're acting like simply acknowledging your existence means she's interested. Do women never talk to you??
smackie9 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 You had plenty of time to ask her out, you just chickened out....again. Should have went right up to her, had a quick hi how ya doin then say "I know this is short notice but I was wondering if you would like to join me for _____ Friday. I thought it would be something fun......blah blah blah".
Yummm Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 You sir, are a massive overthinker! It's like reading my own mind but tenfold, it's pretty amazing hah! Wasn't being patronizing or anything, honestly. You've been given all the advice here, just do what you gut says, which is asking her out! If she's interested she'll say yes, if she's not, you simply asked a girl at the gym out for drink which she refused! Things could be alot worse buddy, try seeing your ex everyday after a breakup! Do it, mate! We're routing for you 1
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