finalendeavor Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 How long did it take you to get over your relationship? I don't know why I'm still torn up a month after being dumped, I feel stupid because it was a short term thing, only five- sixth months. We haven't spoken a word since he ended things, but I can't let of that hope that I'll magically hear from him one day, because the breakup was so sudden and random. What helped you let go of that last bit of hope? How long did it take you to get over being dumped? I need reassurance that I'm not going to die and that I'm not a total sissy for still being hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I don't know how some folks get over their breakups without much of a fuss. I'm sad every day, I feel like life has no meaning and that there's nothing to look forward too. Every new day is like emotional roulette. 2 days ago I felt a lot better, indifferent about my Ex and was optimistic about the future. Today I woke up depressed again, feeling anxiety. I'm looking into going to see a Therapist. I don't need this messing up my life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author finalendeavor Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 That's what I'm going to have to do. I just can't let this one go and it's literally driving me crazy. The ups and downs are so hard. I felt so good earlier today, confident that I would freely move on with my life and stop caring, and then, as always, all the pain came crashing down on me. I can't believe how easily I was let go of. The way I felt towards him was something I've never felt before, and I was really convinced he felt the same way. All of the lies and memories keep swirling around inside of my head, it's ****ing awful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 How long did it take you to get over your relationship? I don't know why I'm still torn up a month after being dumped, I feel stupid because it was a short term thing, only five- sixth months. We haven't spoken a word since he ended things, but I can't let of that hope that I'll magically hear from him one day, because the breakup was so sudden and random. What helped you let go of that last bit of hope? How long did it take you to get over being dumped? I need reassurance that I'm not going to die and that I'm not a total sissy for still being hurt. Every relationship is different. My last relationship ended 6 months ago, I was over it almost immediately. The break up was pretty much mutual but was probably more so initiated on my end. Found out she had a bf a month ago and it hurt. I kept thinking she'd reach out too...no idea why. What would we even talk about? I don't even want her back. Companionship and sex sure but as a long term girlfriend no way in hell. Now I'm over her and her new relationship. I'm in the who gives a **** mode. I saw her today at work, didn't effect me in the slightest. I think she waved at one point but I ignored her. I completely deleted her from my life. Things that worked for me: Started a journal, awesome tool for sorting your emotions out and not having them swirl in your head Gym Spent time with friends and family. If I found myself moping around the house I'd do laundry or something productive Talk with friends about it. Get it out there. I talked mostly to girls because they understand other girls more than my guy friends who just tell me I miss the sex because she was smoking hot (true but that wasn't all). My sister and close friends that were girls were all big helps. This forum has been awesome. I read a thread today about BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder...if you had written up a psychological analysis of her it would be that thread. Total epiphany. Give it some more time. Focus on yourself. Read some self help books. Find inspiration where you can. If that's a photo of you in your avatar, from what I can tell you're an attractive girl. I'm sure there are a lot of guys who will be interested in you. I found my confidence was low, went out a few weeks ago, got hit on by a few girls, and my confidence went back up. Crazy how our emotions work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
15Love Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Well that makes three of us...I'm going to start seeing a therapist too. It's reached silly. I really want to move past all this and I just don't know how. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author finalendeavor Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 The hope really is terrible. I can't stop wondering how many people actually end up hearing from their dumpers at some point 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 The hope really is terrible. I can't stop wondering how many people actually end up hearing from their dumpers at some point I'm sure there are dumpers out there who are just as distraught as the dumpee. It all depends on the person. These things are tough and no one truly knows what the heck is really happening. Do they think about us? Do they care? Have they no heart? I'm sure they do, but some people are stronger than others and everybody has different coping skills. Some people turn to indulging in vices like food, drugs or alcohol to cope. Link to post Share on other sites
Mathematics Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 6 weeks in for me. Slow steady progress with momentary relapses into depression. Second stint of NC is a week old. Still think of her a lot, but less than I did. Currently dating another girl, which is probably a bad idea until I sort my head out. In the long run, me and my ex were incompatible. Right person, wrong time. I will always love hr despite the pain shes put me through. I know it isn't easy for her either. Link to post Share on other sites
15Love Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 The hope really is terrible. I can't stop wondering how many people actually end up hearing from their dumpers at some point I've never had a dumper NOT pop up again. It's sometimes years later and NEVER a good idea...but they always show up again. Miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Xiomn Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 (edited) If it's any consolation to anyone wondering for the answers to questions such as do they care, are they hurting as much as me? Etc. I pushed my ex away by trying to constantly persuade her that we could work things out because it was an easily workable solution, anyway eventually it was too much for her having me contact her all the time and said to me "I'm sorry I can't keep talking to you anymore, especially after today, it's messing me up really badly I don't think we should keep in contact" she also said "I'm not hurt because I'm hurt but because you're hurt and I hate hurting people" and so she forced NC on me. So it seems like it does hurt the dumper too, I'm not saying this is the case for everyone but just thought I'd put that out there. Also, don't fool yourself into thinking your ex is getting on well without you by looking at social media, everyone knows that no one posts bad things on Facebook so keep that in mind if you're doing that at the moment. I also have to point out however that my ex did tell me she is happy now that she can focus on other things without having to worry about a relationship so there might be a part feeling of relief on the dumpers part to. Essentially the conclusion seems to be both a feeling of sadness and relief. Edited July 28, 2015 by Xiomn Link to post Share on other sites
Author finalendeavor Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 30th day of no contact, one month since he ended things with me- over text. Still ridiculously upset, because of how easily he kicked me out of his life. He had me meet all of his family and friends, planned to move in with me, and then cut me off just like that. Everyone tells me I'm so lucky because I've not heard from him, but the fact that he can literally make a decision over the course of two days, dump me over text, and then not say a single word to me for an entire month after the breakup makes me feel so increasingly awful. I feel so disposable. I'm still hurting so badly. I've heard people say that impulsive dumpers regret quicker and will get in contact with you sooner, but that hasn't been the case at all. I feel horrible, I thought I meant so much to him. I was the first girl he ever considered moving in with, he told me his feelings for me were different than what he's ever experienced. I'm struggling so much with acceptance today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thecondor1991 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 30th day of no contact, one month since he ended things with me- over text. Still ridiculously upset, because of how easily he kicked me out of his life. He had me meet all of his family and friends, planned to move in with me, and then cut me off just like that. Everyone tells me I'm so lucky because I've not heard from him, but the fact that he can literally make a decision over the course of two days, dump me over text, and then not say a single word to me for an entire month after the breakup makes me feel so increasingly awful. I feel so disposable. I'm still hurting so badly. I've heard people say that impulsive dumpers regret quicker and will get in contact with you sooner, but that hasn't been the case at all. I feel horrible, I thought I meant so much to him. I was the first girl he ever considered moving in with, he told me his feelings for me were different than what he's ever experienced. I'm struggling so much with acceptance today. Yeah, the unfortunate truth is that some people just don't care as much as they would have you believe. Acceptance is really the hardest part. Once you accept it though, you can begin to really move on. We as humans tend to see things with tunnel vision instead of looking at the whole picture. The way a break up ends says a lot about the relationship as a whole. If he was able to break up with you through a text and then never hit you up, or apologize, or even check up on you, then that shows you he didn't care and doesn't even feel bad about hurting you. You don't need someone like that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mathematics Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 30th day of no contact, one month since he ended things with me- over text. Still ridiculously upset, because of how easily he kicked me out of his life. He had me meet all of his family and friends, planned to move in with me, and then cut me off just like that. Everyone tells me I'm so lucky because I've not heard from him, but the fact that he can literally make a decision over the course of two days, dump me over text, and then not say a single word to me for an entire month after the breakup makes me feel so increasingly awful. I feel so disposable. I'm still hurting so badly. I've heard people say that impulsive dumpers regret quicker and will get in contact with you sooner, but that hasn't been the case at all. I feel horrible, I thought I meant so much to him. I was the first girl he ever considered moving in with, he told me his feelings for me were different than what he's ever experienced. I'm struggling so much with acceptance today. I am sorry you feel this way. You do not know for sure that he isn't thinking about you, maybe he is giving you space? My ex told me that she nearly contacted me many times but always decided to let me get in touch when I am ready. I am not defending the guy, its just dumpers mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Mathematics Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Yeah, the unfortunate truth is that some people just don't care as much as they would have you believe. Acceptance is really the hardest part. Once you accept it though, you can begin to really move on. We as humans tend to see things with tunnel vision instead of looking at the whole picture. The way a break up ends says a lot about the relationship as a whole. If he was able to break up with you through a text and then never hit you up, or apologize, or even check up on you, then that shows you he didn't care and doesn't even feel bad about hurting you. You don't need someone like that. Your sentiments on acceptance are spot on. Let it happen and you'll heal sooner Link to post Share on other sites
Author finalendeavor Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 I'd love to talk to him, but I had the last word during the breakup, and never got a response after that. Reached out over one text message a week later, still ignored. No signs he wants contact with me. I'd feel like such a desperate little bitch if I reached out to him, wouldn't know what to say anyways. I just don't understand how you can go from utter excitement about living with someone, to breaking it off in such a cold way two-three days later. I don't know why I still think he'll come around after how it ended. Link to post Share on other sites
Mathematics Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I'd love to talk to him, but I had the last word during the breakup, and never got a response after that. Reached out over one text message a week later, still ignored. No signs he wants contact with me. I'd feel like such a desperate little bitch if I reached out to him, wouldn't know what to say anyways. I just don't understand how you can go from utter excitement about living with someone, to breaking it off in such a cold way two-three days later. I don't know why I still think he'll come around after how it ended. Contact is probably going to make him emotional so he wants to avoid it (a theory). Stay no contact and keep busy. He will come to you when he's ready Link to post Share on other sites
Author finalendeavor Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 Do you think he will come back though? Link to post Share on other sites
Mathematics Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Do you think he will come back though? For a relationship? Who knows. To say hi and ask how you are? Almost certainly. If he doesn't you're better off without him. You're a pretty girl, you'll meet someone who is actually worth your time and appreciates you. I contacted my ex despite being NC with her. Because I care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author finalendeavor Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 (edited) Were you the one who dumped her? How long were you guys NC? It's the weirdest feeling to go from talking every single day to not hearing from them at all. The radio silence is eerie, especially because I know he didn't leave for another girl. He's an elusive one. I understand that we were a long distance thing, but all of this happened a week after I came back from visiting him, and it went incredibly well. I fell for him so hard, and he seemed to feel the same way. He wanted everyone to meet me, wouldn't stop talking about me to everyone. Edited July 28, 2015 by finalendeavor Link to post Share on other sites
Mathematics Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Were you the one who dumped her? How long were you guys NC? It's the 0 feeling to go from talking every single day to not hearing from them at all. The radio silence is eerie, especially because I know he didn't lave for another girl. He's an elusive one. She dumped me and I went NC for a month and contacted her. We ended up having lunch and she said that she had nearly contacted me many times and I could see she was having a rough time of it. She contacted me 2 days later about some money which I gave her (complaining that I paid it to her) and we are NC ever since. Its not easy for dumpers either. I accepted it and I am moving on. I think she probably feels a lack of self worth as I haven't begged for her back but that's not good for anyone. Plus, I don't want her back. The void that is left can be filled by hanging out with friends and keeping busy. Anytime you get an urge to contact him, post on this forum. I am going through the same thing as you, just at a different stage. Link to post Share on other sites
15Love Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I certainly don't mean to diminish your feelings of rejection...they're real feelings and I know, first hand, how bad it feels to feel disposable. And I hope this isn't totally inappropriate... but is that you in your picture?? Cause if it is, I don't care what he looks like, it is clearly his loss! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I'm going on 8 months NC and 9 moths post breakup. Not over it yet. I feel a lot better than I did. But it's really hard to let go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author finalendeavor Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 (edited) The void that is left can be filled by hanging out with friends and keeping busy. Anytime you get an urge to contact him, post on this forum. I am going through the same thing as you, just at a different stage. That's part of why I struggle so hard with these things. I'm BPD so I have a very hard time connecting with people and making friends; when I do find someone I connect with, I really attach and hang on. I've also moved every 1-2 years of my life, so that doesn't help in the friendship department, either. This forum has been an incredible life-saver. I certainly don't mean to diminish your feelings of rejection...they're real feelings and I know, first hand, how bad it feels to feel disposable. And I hope this isn't totally inappropriate... but is that you in your picture?? Cause if it is, I don't care what he looks like, it is clearly his loss! No worries. The fact that he's prone to popping back up after the fact makes me bitter. And it is me, thank you! I'm struggling with whether or not to completely erase him from my life. He never deleted me from social media, and it's very awkward, as he won't even like/ acknowledge any of my posts. Even more awkward when his besties think it's completely normal to have conversations on my posts, while he dumped me via text. I hate that I still have such feelings for him after he completely disrespected me, I hate that I still want to hear from him so badly. I'm going on 8 months NC and 9 moths post breakup. Not over it yet. I feel a lot better than I did. But it's really hard to let go. You're a ****ing badass. The fact that you've been so strong is admirable as hell, at the very least. Many eternal high fives for walking away from disrespect and abuse. Edited July 28, 2015 by finalendeavor Link to post Share on other sites
honey85 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 That's what I'm going to have to do. I just can't let this one go and it's literally driving me crazy. The ups and downs are so hard. I felt so good earlier today, confident that I would freely move on with my life and stop caring, and then, as always, all the pain came crashing down on me. I can't believe how easily I was let go of. The way I felt towards him was something I've never felt before, and I was really convinced he felt the same way. All of the lies and memories keep swirling around inside of my head, it's ****ing awful. It's really really hard. The fact that you cared so deeply and the other person could just let go of you. It makes you question the person you were with him. It hurts and will hurt. The hardest thing to do is just allow yourself to disappear from his life. If he knows your worth, he will come back ... Or he will pick up his phone one day, and tell you how great you were. X 1 Link to post Share on other sites
15Love Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I suppose...if you're serious...you have to delete him from social media. All of it. Then block his number. It's hard when you're just waiting to see when he'll finally reach out. But you need to gather yourself. You're way to vulnerable. If he contacted you now you'd fall right back in it with him. Which would definitly cause him to disrespect you further because you would be so "available" to him". He'll be back, but I think it won't be good for you when he does. It'll be on his terms. Time to take the bull by the horns and make it about you, not him. Link to post Share on other sites
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