sadpanda3 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Recently I have been beating myself up a lot. I've been considering talking to a professional. I can't get around my exes jealous/controlling behaviour. It's like it totally messed with my head. He has always been very jealous and would even go as far as treating his girlfriends like crap on purpose to "test them" and see if they would cheat to find an easy way out. Or so he told me. He had incredible mood swings and would act like he's got two different personalities depending on his mood. When he was in a "bad" mood he would be mean for no reason but really sweet the next day. This has made the whole thing even more difficult. During our relationship he controlled everything I did. Because he was scared I would cheat or leave for someone else. I didn't feel good about it but he somehow convinced me he's "a poor guy who can't help it and I need to consider his feelings more". I felt increasingly bad about this situation but the last straw came when HE left for someone else. And then texted me to tell me how he's not jealous with her and treats her like a decent human being. Since then I wonder what I did to deserve this. Or what the new girl did to not deserve it. It's like I'm convinced there must be something wrong with me even though I know I'm perfectly sane. Sometimes I wonder if he is the sane one and I'm just imagining things. Also I don't understand why I have so much trouble with this and I can't just move on with my life.
frigginlost Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Recently I have been beating myself up a lot. I've been considering talking to a professional. I can't get around my exes jealous/controlling behaviour. It's like it totally messed with my head. He has always been very jealous and would even go as far as treating his girlfriends like crap on purpose to "test them" and see if they would cheat to find an easy way out. Or so he told me. He had incredible mood swings and would act like he's got two different personalities depending on his mood. When he was in a "bad" mood he would be mean for no reason but really sweet the next day. This has made the whole thing even more difficult. During our relationship he controlled everything I did. Because he was scared I would cheat or leave for someone else. I didn't feel good about it but he somehow convinced me he's "a poor guy who can't help it and I need to consider his feelings more". I felt increasingly bad about this situation but the last straw came when HE left for someone else. And then texted me to tell me how he's not jealous with her and treats her like a decent human being. Since then I wonder what I did to deserve this. Or what the new girl did to not deserve it. It's like I'm convinced there must be something wrong with me even though I know I'm perfectly sane. Sometimes I wonder if he is the sane one and I'm just imagining things. Also I don't understand why I have so much trouble with this and I can't just move on with my life. He's flat out lying to you. He sounds like a manipulator. You did nothing to deserve it and his true colors will always show. Worry about you and moving forward. 1
mightycpa Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Recently I have been beating myself up a lot. I've been considering talking to a professional. I can't get around my exes jealous/controlling behaviour. It's like it totally messed with my head. He has always been very jealous and would even go as far as treating his girlfriends like crap on purpose to "test them" and see if they would cheat to find an easy way out. Or so he told me. He had incredible mood swings and would act like he's got two different personalities depending on his mood. When he was in a "bad" mood he would be mean for no reason but really sweet the next day. This has made the whole thing even more difficult. During our relationship he controlled everything I did. Because he was scared I would cheat or leave for someone else. I didn't feel good about it but he somehow convinced me he's "a poor guy who can't help it and I need to consider his feelings more". I felt increasingly bad about this situation but the last straw came when HE left for someone else. And then texted me to tell me how he's not jealous with her and treats her like a decent human being.Yeah, for now maybe. Since then I wonder what I did to deserve this.Or what the new girl did to not deserve it.It's like I'm convinced there must be something wrong with me even though I know I'm perfectly sane.Sometimes I wonder if he is the sane one and I'm just imagining things.Also I don't understand why I have so much trouble with this and I can't just move on with my life. Interesting... I suspect that there is a facet to your personality that marks you as someone he can abuse. I mean, there's two types of people in the world, right? Those that will put up with this kind of ****, and those who won't. He might have a "threshhold" test where he'll do something ****ty to you, and you'll either stick around or you won't. If you do, he knows that he's got you. Otherwise, you're a cheatin' slut.Like I said, not yet.I'll refer you back to my theory in Item #1It is beyond interesting, it is fascinating how you can see this for what it is, but you're still hooked.Again, Item #1. I have no doubt you'll get over this, and when you do, you'll need to learn to trust your mind, rather than your heart, when the next one of these guys finds you and leads you down the road to perdition.
aloneinaz Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I'd suggest you go talk to a good therapist or psychologist. For you to stick around with a person who'd treat you this way would indicate low self esteem or other issues. The professional could help you nail down the underlying issue in yourself so you can address and fix it. Then, you'll knowing going into your next relationship that you'll have the skills or tools to recognize a toxic person and tell the to f-themselves when the start showing that behavior.
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