How do I play it by ear?

[Jadedgeisha]

I've been dating a man for 7 months now. We're in our 30's. We get along very well and love spending time together. It started out very relaxed in the beginning bc both of us have been through h*ll in past relationships. We gradually got closer and after 2 1/2 months we made it official (boyfriend and girlfriend). Just before the 4 month mark, I slipped and told him that I loved him. He didn't say it back but it shocked him and I thought oh he's just not quite ready to express himself. So, I didn't press the issue and never said it again. About a month after that, stress in his personal life with his job and one of his parents becoming ill caused him to say he'd like a break but not in as many words. He also felt bc of his work schedule and the fact he can't see me often isn't fair to me. He still spoke to me almost everyday until a month past and we started going out again when his stress calmed down with his parent. We're exactly the same as before, very close and happy. Lately, I've felt like I'm waiting on the edge of my seat bc I'd like for it to be official again. Finally, I blew up 2 weeks ago. Explaining that it's hard waiting for his decision, that I'm willing to work with his schedule. The fact of staring into his eyes and not telling him I loved him was overwhelming. So, I told him that I loved him.. a few times lol I couldn't stop, it felt good. He thought my blow up was bc he couldn't see me due to work but I explained that wasn't the issue. I'm not trying to force an I love you out of him. I just want him to open up, tell me his feelings and see if we're going to be official again. So, I guess I am looking for a bit of reassurance bc I don't want to continue to get closer and have the final result be heartbreak. He has a hard time opening up but he did a little. He told me he loves being with me, doesn't want us to end, wishes he could do a lot more with me and talks a bit about future together. Not marriage but the possibility of having kids, living together. Last night I told him I loved him before getting out of the car and he said your throwing that "L" bomb around now..with a big smile on his face. I just said I like to make sure you know. Then I asked will you ever tell me how u feel about me and he said yes. Then he said u probably think "you have a h*ll of a way of showing you care for me". After that I just said an unrelated joke to drop it. It's obvious he cares a lot about me but I think I need to hear it. I'm not in a rush to get married or have kids. This is the first man to come along that is completely compatible with me and that I can see a future with. So, I'm just not sure what to do or how to relax about it. What do you all think about my situation?

[ExpatInItaly]

I've been dating a man for 7 months now. We're in our 30's. We get along very well and love spending time together. It started out very relaxed in the beginning bc both of us have been through h*ll in past relationships. We gradually got closer and after 2 1/2 months we made it official (boyfriend and girlfriend). Just before the 4 month mark, I slipped and told him that I loved him. He didn't say it back but it shocked him and I thought oh he's just not quite ready to express himself. So, I didn't press the issue and never said it again. About a month after that, stress in his personal life with his job and one of his parents becoming ill caused him to say he'd like a break but not in as many words. He also felt bc of his work schedule and the fact he can't see me often isn't fair to me. He still spoke to me almost everyday until a month past and we started going out again when his stress calmed down with his parent. We're exactly the same as before, very close and happy. Lately, I've felt like I'm waiting on the edge of my seat bc I'd like for it to be official again. Finally, I blew up 2 weeks ago. Explaining that it's hard waiting for his decision, that I'm willing to work with his schedule. The fact of staring into his eyes and not telling him I loved him was overwhelming. So, I told him that I loved him.. a few times lol I couldn't stop, it felt good. He thought my blow up was bc he couldn't see me due to work but I explained that wasn't the issue. I'm not trying to force an I love you out of him. I just want him to open up, tell me his feelings and see if we're going to be official again. So, I guess I am looking for a bit of reassurance bc I don't want to continue to get closer and have the final result be heartbreak. He has a hard time opening up but he did a little. He told me he loves being with me, doesn't want us to end, wishes he could do a lot more with me and talks a bit about future together. Not marriage but the possibility of having kids, living together. Last night I told him I loved him before getting out of the car and he said your throwing that "L" bomb around now..with a big smile on his face. I just said I like to make sure you know. Then I asked will you ever tell me how u feel about me and he said yes. Then he said u probably think "you have a h*ll of a way of showing you care for me". After that I just said an unrelated joke to drop it. It's obvious he cares a lot about me but I think I need to hear it. I'm not in a rush to get married or have kids. This is the first man to come along that is completely compatible with me and that I can see a future with. So, I'm just not sure what to do or how to relax about it. What do you all think about my situation?

 

I'm a bit confused. Are you broken up? What you mean when you say he asked for a break but not in those words - what did he say, exactly?

 

Also, I wouldn't be talking about living with a man who hasn't yet expressed his love for me. And certainly not children. Do you mean that he was talking about having kids with you, or in general that he'd like them someday?

 

I get the sense that he wanted to slow it down, and that he still isn't ready for some of the things that you are. Neither of you is wrong to feel this way; you're moving at different paces. I wouldn't be worrying about "I love you" unless and until you agree to be a couple again.