GH3 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I am currently faced with the situation of my parents finding out that I've been sexually active for the past 2 years. Not that big of a deal since I'm 20 and I lost my virginity at 18. I've dated my first boyfriend for a year, afterwards I've had a sort of long term relationship which ended because he moved, a very brief casual dating period with one guy who is now my friend, and then a guy who I'm seeing currently for about two months now. My parents and I have our differences about it because they are islanders. However, I personally don't see anything wrong with casual dating or casual relationships. Of course when they found out they were mortified and my mother went as far as saying that I was a perfect slut and she couldn't believe she gave birth to me. I didn't mean for her to find out the way she did, but it definitely put a barrier between us. I don't want to ruin my relationship with my mother, but I also do not want to conform to her idea of how and why I should date if it's not what I want for the time being. I just enjoy the company of another person plus everyone my age has their own plans including myself, so in my opinion commitment is not something I really want as of now. I'll be graduated in two years and plan on being completely on my own by then, but there's still that disagreement. If I choose to date a guy, I'm not sure how to warm her up to the idea. Reason being is that I can see that I hurt her by hiding it, I'd rather be open with my mother, but I don't want to be controlled either. I know islander parents, once you let them in they never quite let that death grip go even when you're on your own they try to manipulate you. What can I do so that when I graduate, it won't seem like a "yay! I can do whatever I want now" thing and instead a mature understanding between adults.
Arieswoman Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 GH3, my mother went as far as saying that I was a perfect slut and she couldn't believe she gave birth to me. ^^^^ Your mother was totally out of order in what she said. However, if you were caught having sex in her house she might have a right to be annoyed. Is there any way that you could live with a friend or another relative until you graduate?
wb1988 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) Everyone has this problem, but remember that if you had the type of parents that are 'cool' with everything then you would be a **** up or a degenerate. It's a necessary evil I suppose to keep us balanced, like how the US would turn into a communist hellhole if the democrats had full control and would turn into a slave-labour based economy if the republicans had things all their way. Ignore everything that is said, she's just angry and surprised. Also I don't think the age matters, whether you're 18 or 30 it's the same reaction. However I don't think you should use the word 'casual' because it might give the impression that you are a bit of a slut. Are the guys you were with your bfs? If so, or if you're exclusive then you might as well just call him your boyfriend to your mother. I was in a similar situation with my mom and guess what, things don't change that much after you've moved out. You will still get the constant calls and during those calls all the judging, bitterness and nagging with spring up during the conversation. It sounds like your mom, like mine, is pretty controlling. What I've realised is that moms have a picture of how they see you living your life and if you do anything outside of that then they snap. The life that's in their mind is usually great to them, but incredibly boring and dull for you so you are right to not live your life based on what you mom would say because before you know it you'll be 80 and wonder how you ****ed up. Also it will build up resentment towards your mom as you would feel that you're missing out on so much just to please her. Just stick it out, there is nothing you can do. True happiness starts after your fobby mom dies. Edited July 27, 2015 by wb1988
Author GH3 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 GH3, ^^^^ Your mother was totally out of order in what she said. However, if you were caught having sex in her house she might have a right to be annoyed. Is there any way that you could live with a friend or another relative until you graduate? No, unfortunately my relatives are pretty unreliable. Even if I do move out, my mom has access to my bank account and could drain all my savings :/
Author GH3 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 Everyone has this problem, but remember that if you had the type of parents that are 'cool' with everything then you would be a **** up or a degenerate. It's a necessary evil I suppose to keep us balanced, like how the US would turn into a communist hellhole if the democrats had full control and would turn into a slave-labour based economy if the republicans had things all their way. Ignore everything that is said, she's just angry and surprised. Also I don't think the age matters, whether you're 18 or 30 it's the same reaction. However I don't think you should use the word 'casual' because it might give the impression that you are a bit of a slut. Are the guys you were with your bfs? If so, or if you're exclusive then you might as well just call him your boyfriend to your mother. I was in a similar situation with my mom and guess what, things don't change that much after you've moved out. You will still get the constant calls and during those calls all the judging, bitterness and nagging with spring up during the conversation. It sounds like your mom, like mine, is pretty controlling. What I've realised is that moms have a picture of how they see you living your life and if you do anything outside of that then they snap. The life that's in their mind is usually great to them, but incredibly boring and dull for you so you are right to not live your life based on what you mom would say because before you know it you'll be 80 and wonder how you ****ed up. Also it will build up resentment towards your mom as you would feel that you're missing out on so much just to please her. Just stick it out, there is nothing you can do. True happiness starts after your fobby mom dies. 1. Casual in my situation means we were exclusive, but we weren't in it for the long run 2. That's unfortunate that it'll be like that but I definitely wish my mother a long life Your comparison to the US two-party system made me laugh by the way, it was unexpected haha!
Author GH3 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 GH3, ^^^^ Your mother was totally out of order in what she said. However, if you were caught having sex in her house she might have a right to be annoyed. Is there any way that you could live with a friend or another relative until you graduate? And no, I wouldn't be stupid enough to do that in her house.
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