xcupid Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Hello LS I've been seeing this guy I met off OLD. We hit it off very well on our first date. He would text me CONSTANTLY, never longer than a 30 minute period between his texts. Sometimes he'd call me while i was on break or outside smoking. He mentioned that it felt natural being around me, and being at my side, etc. Anyway everything was dandy up until yesterday. We made plans for me to drive to his apartment on Friday afternoon and spend the night, then spend Saturday together. Everything went perfectly! We both had a great time. We had a ton of sex. (first time sleeping with him, completely mutual about sex, agreed that sex did not = relationship yet. Anyway on Saturday we went out for breakfast, went to the mall, watched a movie at his place and so on. The problem is, after leaving his house yesterday afternoon, he has since stopped replying and reading my text messages/snapchats. I've yet to hear anything from him, but he shows up online/active on facebook and steam. I'm thinking he lost interest after getting what most guys want (sex) but i also can't help but think of these factors: -sorry if TMI: he came VERY fast during sex about 4 times, and sometimes he couldn't stay hard. I know it's not me(my appearance/whatever during sex.) I'm kind of thinking he's now embarrassed to talk to me? -he sees a doctor for depression and i think he takes medication for it(maybe this could affect him being interested?) Anyway I just wanted to know what you guys think, and whether i should try to keep contacting him or wait for him to contact me back or maybe i should stop wasting my time! Thank you He's pulling away after having sex with you. That's normal. No more texts or communication with him. Let him come back to you. If he doesn't then move on. 1
Leigh 87 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Good Lord. would you all stop encouraging women to go after men who aren't that into them ? You should find a man who's really into you and feels blown away by you from the start. Men that act differently after sex and men who don't text every day are generally not enamored or very taken by you. Do you want to be open to a man like this who is at best " really liking you but you're not exactly on his mind a lot " ???? Why not wait for a man who is dying to talk to you. And by the way. When the sex was amazing ALL my exes who were into me were texting me after sex ! The men who were really into me texted daily before and after sex. Men who weren't into me changed after sex. 3
Leigh 87 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 He's pulling away after having sex with you. That's normal. No more texts or communication with him. Let him come back to you. If he doesn't then move on. Men who are really into a woman and who cannot stop thinking about her (known as infatuation) do not pull away after sex. Men who aren't sure about a woman pull away after sex. 1
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) Men who are really into a woman and who cannot stop thinking about her (known as infatuation) do not pull away after sex. Men who aren't sure about a woman pull away after sex. Leigh, no offense but your schtick is getting really old. Please learn about men! My boyfriend, who I am STILL with to this day, 5÷ years after we met, in the beginning while emotionally bonding with me, sometimes needed a couple of days to himself after spending an intense passionate emotional weekend with me. THAT is normal.. How long do these men who bombard you with texts and phone calls every day stay with you? Last guy stayed three weeks before he burned out and broke up with you. How about the guy before him? And the guy before him? How long do ANY of them stay? I am not trying to make you feel bad, but girl you know jack shyt about men and why they behave the way they do. You are so caught up with this immediate feeling of infatuation, chemistry, butterflies, and immediate passion you fail to recognize that men who come on like gangbusters with you don't actually give two shyts about you, as evidenced by the fact that they rarely, if ever, stick around for longer than a few weeks! They are into the fantasy of you, and once you become a reality, they are off and running to their next fantasy! No one knows what is going on with the OP's guy. Maybe he only wanted sex, maybe he doesn't know what he wants, but just because he is not bombardarding her with texts and calls every day does NOT mean he is not into her. Please learn this! Edited July 27, 2015 by katiegrl 3
Leigh 87 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Leigh, no offense but your schtick is getting really old. Please learn about men! My boyfriend, who I am STILL with to this day, 5÷ years after we met, in the beginning while emotionally bonding with me, sometimes needed a couple of days to himself after spending an intense passionate emotional weekend with me. THAT is normal.. How long do these men who bombard you with texts and phone calls every day stay with you? Last guy stayed three weeks before he burned out and broke up with you. How about the guy before him? And the guy before him? How long do ANY of them stay? I am not trying to make you feel bad, but girl you know jack shyt about men and why they behave the way they do. You are so caught up with this immediate feeling of infatuation, chemistry, butterflies, and immediate passion you fail to recognize that men who come on like gangbusters with you don't actually give two shyts about you, as evidenced by the fact that they rarely, if ever, stick around for longer than a few weeks! They are into the fantasy of you, and once you become a reality, they are off and running to their next fantasy! No one knows what is going on with the OP's guy. Maybe he only wanted sex, maybe he doesn't know what he wants, but just because he is not bombardarding her with texts and calls every day does NOT mean he is not into her. Please learn this! I prefer a guy who's into me and thinks I'm gorgeous from the first date. my friends fiance was enamored from day one and has remained so for years.
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 And to add to my above post Leigh, no one is encouraging her to chase the guy, have no idea where you got that. To the contrary, we are encouraging her to lower expectations, chill out and let the chips fall where they may. And DON'T chase him. Let him come to her. I have a friend who recently got married to man who did not call her for two weeks after they had sex. They are so madly passionately in love now ....they could not stop making out at their own wedding, it was so cute! Every man is different and will behave and react differently. Every person is different and will behave an react differently. Some men fall in love quickly, and will need to pull back occasionally, which is normal, and some men's love will grow more slowly...which is also normal. Stop pidgeon-holing men and assuming ALL men will act a certain way if they feel a certain way. That is just wrong. 2
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) **I prefer a guy who's into me and thinks I'm gorgeous from the first date.** my friends fiance was enamored from day one and has remained so for years. Quote in asterisk - Yes we know. It's a shame they are incapable of remaining *into you* ..... and leave after a few weeks. Perhaps if you did not have such an unrealistic view of the whole process, you would attract a man who *is* capable of remaining into you for longer than a few weeks. I am happy for your friend. Yes my boyfriend was enamored with me too when he met me, and is still enamored with me. He also sometimes needed some lone time after spending an intense passionate weekend with me. Not anymore but did in the beginning while developing an emotional bond with me. The type of bond that lasts, and does not burn out after a few weeks! Edited July 27, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Candygirljane Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) Tip: when a guy doesn't message you or doesn't respond much if at all that's because they don't want to....not because he is on antidepressants, or his mom is sick, has term papers, busy working, etc. He had plenty of time before hmmmmmm? If a guy stops responding that means he is not that into you. Edited July 27, 2015 by Candygirljane 1
Lois_Griffin Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Lol LS is a bit catty tonight. I don't know why a woman wanting/seeking out sex actively is a bad thing. Such a double standard these days... :rolleyes: Anyway, I wasn't trying to start a relationship with this guy (i'm not sure where you guys saw that stated in my OP), but I did think we were having a heck of a lot of fun. I just miss chatting with him. I wouldn't mind hooking up with him again either! I don't see why he wouldn't want to either. Anyway thank you for the advice Gaeta, I always love reading what you have to say on threads. I do agree that he probably wants space away as we did spend quite a bit of time together and that can be exhausting. @ cila: I sent him a snap yesterday and he saw it, no response. I sent him one today and he hasn't opened it. As for the texts, kind of the same, I sent him one yesterday and he read it. Sent him one today and he hasn't read it. Thank you. Meh, to each their own regarding how free they want to be with their sexuality. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean you should accept his complete and utter DISRESPECT towards you. Being blunt, if you were good enough to bang 4 times (even if he was a One Pump Chump each time he did it) then you're damned well good enough to show the respect of an answer to your message. Seriously. Stop accepting disrespectful behavior just because you'd like to hook up again with Minute Man. Jeez. 4
Lois_Griffin Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 My boyfriend, who I am STILL with to this day, 5÷ years after we met, in the beginning while emotionally bonding with me, sometimes needed a couple of days to himself after spending an intense passionate emotional weekend with me. THAT is normal.. While everyone needs a little time to 'recharge,' that DOESNT mean they can disrespect you and ignore you or your calls/texts/messages, etc. Wanting some 'me' time is fine. Being an inconsiderate a*sshole and purposely IGNORING someone is unacceptable behavior. Period. 4
Toodaloo Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Tip: when a guy doesn't message you or doesn't respond much if at all that's because they don't want to....not because he is on antidepressants, or his mom is sick, has term papers, busy working, etc. He had plenty of time before hmmmmmm? I agree with this. One of the chaps I am talking to (the one I haven't mat yet) still keeps in contact most days. He is having a really rough time of it at the moment hence why we haven't met yet and why its a bit pen pal ish. Why do I believe him? Because he doesn't make to much of a fuss about it and is being practical and pragmatic about it. I know its harsh but stop contacting this one.
h0000 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I met quite a few guys like that,hot for a few days then completely cold. Now I can't even bother wondering why anymore, knowing they are everywhere lol As least they cut it off before any feelings has developed. it's easy for us to forget and move on as well
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 While everyone needs a little time to 'recharge,' that DOESNT mean they can disrespect you and ignore you or your calls/texts/messages, etc. Wanting some 'me' time is fine. Being an inconsiderate a*sshole and purposely IGNORING someone is unacceptable behavior. Period. What is considered a respectful delay to respond?
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Well it's Monday.....he's had some rest.....has he responded yet? 1
martaldn Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 leave it be, only the time will tell if he was ONLY looking for "that" or if he needed a bit of a break. In the meantime date other guys.. go out with your friends and stop wondering about why he hasn't texted yet. when a guy stop texting after sex is never a good sign tho...
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) Well it's Monday.....he's had some rest.....has he responded yet? smackie, I am fairly certain if she *had* heard from him, she'd be back here telling us. So IMO there was no need to ask, unless so you can hear her say "no he has not contacted me" to which you can say "told ya!" Let it go... you've made your point. Edited July 27, 2015 by katiegrl
Author ird Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Because I want to give smackie the satisfaction of being right on the Internet in front of a bunch of strangers: My friend and I (as well as LS and a couple of other friends) chalked it up to him just wanting a one night stand. I almost went off on him but decided it's not worth my time and headspace. He's yet to give me the time of day. He'll probably get back to me when he's bored and horny, or not at all. What a shame, he seemed extremely genuine. Thank you all for your help. I'd like to ask another question though: How can I tell a guy is only interested in having sex? This is the second time this has happened to me and it's made me realize the average guy can become the best liar and faker in the world if he thinks he can get sex from a girl. I really just miss being in a relationship, or at least talking to a guy that I'm into. Advice? For the record he is 24 and I'm 18.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Tip: when a guy doesn't message you or doesn't respond much if at all that's because they don't want to....not because he is on antidepressants, or his mom is sick, has term papers, busy working, etc. He had plenty of time before hmmmmmm? Great post once again Smackie. Your continued use of common sense is impressive since it's so rare these days. Now I will say that I do agree w-Katie in that space is healthy/natural in dating. But when you're into someone, you at least touch base. For example, I spend the whole weekend w-my GF and then want a few days alone. I'd send her a sweet text the next day, let her respond, and then tell her that I'd call her in a few days to plan our next date. This communicates I'm taking time for myself, but she isn't left hanging either. 2
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Great post once again Smackie. Your continued use of common sense is impressive since it's so rare these days. Now I will say that I do agree w-Katie in that space is healthy/natural in dating. But when you're into someone, you at least touch base. For example, I spend the whole weekend w-my GF and then want a few days alone. I'd send her a sweet text the next day, let her respond, and then tell her that I'd call her in a few days to plan our next date. This communicates I'm taking time for myself, but she isn't left hanging either. I agree with you ff (and yes smackie). I was just trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt until we were more sure. At this point... yes it DOES appear he only wanted as ONS. However, he may have wanted more, but to be honest to ird, four messages (two snaps and two texts with no response back) within one 24 hour period was a little much and may have "scared" (for lack of a better word) him off. But then again, had he been interested in actually dating you, he would have responded back to the FIRST text, just like ff said. But lesson learned for next time. One text and then wait for him to respond. If he does not respond within 24 hours, do not text him again -- just NEXT him. I am sorry it did not work out hon....
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I still don't think we can apply GF/BF rules to this current situation.
stillafool Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 ird: He just spent 2 days with a practical stranger (you). It's a lot of time to spend with someone new. He needs a break, men don't need a constant connection like we do. I'm a woman and would go out of my mind if someone was bothering me every 30 minutes with a text. TO SAY WHAT???? OP, if you liked the sex too then you weren't used. Give the poor guy some space and you take some too. 1
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 It's just common courtesy not rules. And common courtesy dictates a ONS replies to your text in how much delay?
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I'd like to ask another question though: How can I tell a guy is only interested in having sex? This is the second time this has happened to me and it's made me realize the average guy can become the best liar and faker in the world if he thinks he can get sex from a girl. I really just miss being in a relationship, or at least talking to a guy that I'm into. Advice? For the record he is 24 and I'm 18. ird, it's all a risk and I don't think a woman CAN be sure a guy isn't only in it for the sex. Until they actually sex and he continues expressing interest in spending time with her. What you can do to protect yourself though is (1) wait a bit to have sex to get a better feel of what's he is after in the long term, or (2) if you choose to have sex early on, try not to have any expectations and consider it a ONS, until he shows you otherwise. I had sex with my boyfriend the first night we met and I expected NOTHING. I didn't even expect that he would contact me again. I just enjoyed it for what it was... nothing more, nothing less. To my surprise he DID contact me the next day and we began dating. But the point is I had NO expectation of that happening. I did not contact him at all the next day... I was prepared to chalk it up to a ONS and I had no regrets. If you are unable to do that....then WAIT a bit to have sex until he has shown you he is in this for more than the sex. But even then, there are no guarantees as he STILL could disappear after sex. It's all a risk hon. 2
Author ird Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Thank yall for the responses. He read my text/snap and never replied so it truly is done and gone. Just to clear the air it was 4 messages in about 2-3 days, not 24 hours. Oh wellllll.
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