ird Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Hello LS I've been seeing this guy I met off OLD. We hit it off very well on our first date. He would text me CONSTANTLY, never longer than a 30 minute period between his texts. Sometimes he'd call me while i was on break or outside smoking. He mentioned that it felt natural being around me, and being at my side, etc. Anyway everything was dandy up until yesterday. We made plans for me to drive to his apartment on Friday afternoon and spend the night, then spend Saturday together. Everything went perfectly! We both had a great time. We had a ton of sex. (first time sleeping with him, completely mutual about sex, agreed that sex did not = relationship yet. Anyway on Saturday we went out for breakfast, went to the mall, watched a movie at his place and so on. The problem is, after leaving his house yesterday afternoon, he has since stopped replying and reading my text messages/snapchats. I've yet to hear anything from him, but he shows up online/active on facebook and steam. I'm thinking he lost interest after getting what most guys want (sex) but i also can't help but think of these factors: -sorry if TMI: he came VERY fast during sex about 4 times, and sometimes he couldn't stay hard. I know it's not me(my appearance/whatever during sex.) I'm kind of thinking he's now embarrassed to talk to me? -he sees a doctor for depression and i think he takes medication for it(maybe this could affect him being interested?) Anyway I just wanted to know what you guys think, and whether i should try to keep contacting him or wait for him to contact me back or maybe i should stop wasting my time! Thank you
Lansing Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 One or two messages is enough... Leave it be... You said you enjoyed the sex so just take it as a one night stand... If you really want a "Relationship" then maybe really get to know the guy next time and try not to be so giving of yourself emotionally/physically until you are more sure you two are compatible. Guy sounds like a jerk for not responding .
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 He just wanted to shag you....isn't it obvious? Next time, if you want a guy to stick around, keep your legs closed and your back off the mattress. Monogamy before sex. Establish a true relationship before hitting the sac. Stop making excuses for him....he got what he wanted.
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Tip: when a guy doesn't message you or doesn't respond much if at all that's because they don't want to....not because he is on antidepressants, or his mom is sick, has term papers, busy working, etc. He had plenty of time before hmmmmmm? 3
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 He just wanted to shag you....isn't it obvious? Next time, if you want a guy to stick around, keep your legs closed and your back off the mattress. Monogamy before sex. Establish a true relationship before hitting the sac. Stop making excuses for him....he got what he wanted. Wow! A big judgmental are we on this beautiful Sunday!!
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 ird: He just spent 2 days with a practical stranger (you). It's a lot of time to spend with someone new. He needs a break, men don't need a constant connection like we do. Give him some space then he'll feel like seeing you again and he'll act on it or he'll disappear. Nothing lost you were not expecting anything anyway right? It's like when a couple goes on a weekend get away. When they come back they had a lot of times together so the following couple of days they're not on each other's face, they give each other a little space. 2
clia Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 How many text messages and snap chats have you sent him in the past day? Just back off. He knows how to reach you when (or if) he wants to talk. You mutually established that you weren't in a relationship, so you shouldn't expect him to act like you are in one.
Author ird Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Lol LS is a bit catty tonight. I don't know why a woman wanting/seeking out sex actively is a bad thing. Such a double standard these days... :rolleyes: Anyway, I wasn't trying to start a relationship with this guy (i'm not sure where you guys saw that stated in my OP), but I did think we were having a heck of a lot of fun. I just miss chatting with him. I wouldn't mind hooking up with him again either! I don't see why he wouldn't want to either. Anyway thank you for the advice Gaeta, I always love reading what you have to say on threads. I do agree that he probably wants space away as we did spend quite a bit of time together and that can be exhausting. @ cila: I sent him a snap yesterday and he saw it, no response. I sent him one today and he hasn't opened it. As for the texts, kind of the same, I sent him one yesterday and he read it. Sent him one today and he hasn't read it. Thank you. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 His premature/ED problems could be performance anxiety or a side effect of too much porn/masturbation. It is true that some guys will hit and quit. But he seemed REALLY interested. I mean what guy just looking to get laid is going to blow up a woman's phone that much and plan that much out? The whole point of casual sex is to keep your distance and play it by ear. So if he did have a difficult time performing, your instincts about him being embarrassed might be right on. The fact that he has an issue w-depression would only heighten it.
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) Lol LS is a bit catty tonight. I don't know why a woman wanting/seeking out sex actively is a bad thing. Such a double standard these days... :rolleyes: Anyway, I wasn't trying to start a relationship with this guy (i'm not sure where you guys saw that stated in my OP), but I did think we were having a heck of a lot of fun. I just miss chatting with him. I wouldn't mind hooking up with him again either! I don't see why he wouldn't want to either. Anyway thank you for the advice Gaeta, I always love reading what you have to say on threads. I do agree that he probably wants space away as we did spend quite a bit of time together and that can be exhausting. @ cila: I sent him a snap yesterday and he saw it, no response. I sent him one today and he hasn't opened it. As for the texts, kind of the same, I sent him one yesterday and he read it. Sent him one today and he hasn't read it. Thank you. ird, I agree with Gaeta....and in the future, especially this early in and right after first time sex, okay to send the guy one text, and then wait for him to respond. Two snaps followed by two texts is too much.. Give him some space. Good luck hon and please keep us posted! Edited July 27, 2015 by katiegrl
Author ird Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Thank you katie it's awesome having all my favorite LSers comment on my thread! I suppose I'll sit and wait to see if he responds to me, if not, as they say.. NEXT! It's quite a shame because I knew he really liked me, and I didddd like him too. Oh well, what can you do? I'll just be happy for the time we did spend together.
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Nothing wrong with seeking casual sex for fun......but you are expecting more than that....him giving you attention....that's why I felt otherwise. Again stop making excuses for him......he is ignoring because he is being a jerk, not because you spent TOO much time together. Since when is it too exhausting to make a simple reply to a message? And sorry Gaeta I never had a guy ghost on me after spending a weekend together. 1
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Thank you katie it's awesome having all my favorite LSers comment on my thread! I suppose I'll sit and wait to see if he responds to me, if not, as they say.. NEXT! It's quite a shame because I knew he really liked me, and I didddd like him too. Oh well, what can you do? I'll just be happy for the time we did spend together. You shouldn't sell yourself short. You have expectations to have fun and enjoy some sex, why not just tell him?
Author ird Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Nothing wrong with seeking casual sex for fun......but you are expecting more than that....him giving you attention....that's why I felt otherwise. Again stop making excuses for him......he is ignoring because he is being a jerk, not because you spent TOO much time together. Since when is it too exhausting to make a simple reply to a message? And sorry Gaeta I never had a guy ghost on me after spending a weekend together. Okay smackie, then what would you suggest I do about my current situation? Since you feel so strongly about it, I'd love to get your advice. Should I leave him alone and completely forget about all this?
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Thank you katie it's awesome having all my favorite LSers comment on my thread! I suppose I'll sit and wait to see if he responds to me, if not, as they say.. NEXT! It's quite a shame because I knew he really liked me, and I didddd like him too. Oh well, what can you do? I'll just be happy for the time we did spend together. Good attitude!
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Okay smackie, then what would you suggest I do about my current situation? Since you feel so strongly about it, I'd love to get your advice. Should I leave him alone and completely forget about all this? This should be good. Popcorn anyone? Lol 1
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 And sorry Gaeta I never had a guy ghost on me after spending a weekend together. I was not referring to disappearing. When you date someone, you come back from a weekend together, you go back to your routine on Monday morning you don't flood each other phone with messages. You just spent 2-3 intense days together you give it a rest. Also, in this current situation I would not say this guy has disappeared yet. He will get back to her I am pretty sure. He just needs to do it on his timeline. Getting back to her right away, getting into a chitchat would be too much too fast for him. It's his right, they're not a couple or dating. He can reply to her in 3 days if he wishes. 1
Author ird Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 I was not referring to disappearing. When you date someone, you come back from a weekend together, you go back to your routine on Monday morning you don't flood each other phone with messages. You just spent 2-3 intense days together you give it a rest. Also, in this current situation I would not say this guy has disappeared yet. He will get back to her I am pretty sure. He just needs to do it on his timeline. Getting back to her right away, getting into a chitchat would be too much too fast for him. It's his right, they're not a couple or dating. He can reply to her in 3 days if he wishes. I'm sure this sounds odd but your support and positivity means so much to me. I'm not sure why but everyone I've talked to about this seems very positive about it for some reason. It's an odd but somewhat reassuring coincidence. 1
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I say hope for the best and keep your options open.So since you really like this guy and hope he comes around doesn't write him off yet.... in the mean time look for someone else. You are not obligated to him in any shape or form.... Plenty of nice men out there that would be happy with a FWB.
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 ird this might make you feel better too. When I started dating my bf, after spending an especially intense weekend together, lots of sex, lots of emotions, he sometimes needed a couple of days to "get back to himself.". And re-group so to speak. I completely understood, and left him alone ...in fact I needed some space too! With time, he did not need as much space anymore, and we eventually moved in together. Hope that helped. 2
Author ird Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 @smackie: yeah i've been open to the idea of dating other guys, and have been talking to a few. noone quite as interesting as this one though. @katie: that does make me feel better! thank you. i think deep down i also need some space but I tend to get quite impatient. 2
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I was not referring to disappearing. When you date someone, you come back from a weekend together, you go back to your routine on Monday morning you don't flood each other phone with messages. You just spent 2-3 intense days together you give it a rest. Also, in this current situation I would not say this guy has disappeared yet. He will get back to her I am pretty sure. He just needs to do it on his timeline. Getting back to her right away, getting into a chitchat would be too much too fast for him. It's his right, they're not a couple or dating. He can reply to her in 3 days if he wishes. I'm not believing any of that. I never had a guy go NC after a weekend or even a week together. And that was the olden days when there was no texting. A man had to make a real effort to pick up a phone and dial it. He's on line, she can see him,....these days a text never puts anyone out.....he's not messaging her because he needs space....he's being a jerk. 2
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 @smackie: yeah i've been open to the idea of dating other guys, and have been talking to a few. noone quite as interesting as this one though. @katie: that does make me feel better! thank you. i think deep down i also need some space but I tend to get quite impatient. Ya that sucks. I get that a man that can stimulate you mentally is hard to find.
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I'm not believing any of that. I never had a guy go NC after a weekend or even a week together. And that was the olden days when there was no texting. A man had to make a real effort to pick up a phone and dial it. He's on line, she can see him,....these days a text never puts anyone out.....he's not messaging her because he needs space....he's being a jerk. OMG Smackie. I gave that example to OP to explain why it's good to not flood a man's phone after spending intense moments (days) with them. If you text your boyfriend after a long weekend with you Of Course he will reply to you and he better reply !! he's your boyfriend !! It means nothing she sees him online. People have all types of apps on their phones that they keep log on at all time. And again, where does it say he needs to reply right away? They are not a couple, and not dating.
jen1447 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Hello LS I've been seeing this guy I met off OLD. We hit it off very well on our first date. He would text me CONSTANTLY, never longer than a 30 minute period between his texts. Sometimes he'd call me while i was on break or outside smoking. He mentioned that it felt natural being around me, and being at my side, etc. Anyway everything was dandy up until yesterday. We made plans for me to drive to his apartment on Friday afternoon and spend the night, then spend Saturday together. Everything went perfectly! We both had a great time. We had a ton of sex. (first time sleeping with him, completely mutual about sex, agreed that sex did not = relationship yet. Anyway on Saturday we went out for breakfast, went to the mall, watched a movie at his place and so on. The problem is, after leaving his house yesterday afternoon, he has since stopped replying and reading my text messages/snapchats. I've yet to hear anything from him, but he shows up online/active on facebook and steam. I'm thinking he lost interest after getting what most guys want (sex) but i also can't help but think of these factors: -sorry if TMI: he came VERY fast during sex about 4 times, and sometimes he couldn't stay hard. I know it's not me(my appearance/whatever during sex.) I'm kind of thinking he's now embarrassed to talk to me? -he sees a doctor for depression and i think he takes medication for it(maybe this could affect him being interested?) Anyway I just wanted to know what you guys think, and whether i should try to keep contacting him or wait for him to contact me back or maybe i should stop wasting my time! Thank you It sounds to me like you got played, ird. Altho that may be putting it a bit strongly, as you don't come off like the witless victim and it sounds like you enjoyed it too. But all this sudden absence and silence stuff tells me he's put you on post at the very least. I'd leave off with the texts etc. and let him come to you if he wants to. Then next time you hook up, throw him out after you're done with him so you can "get some sleep" and promise you'll call him later. 1
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