CasualDude10 Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Short story, we met on the fourth of July. We've hung out 10+ times since, once just me and her. Farthest we've gone is making out and sleeping in the same bed. Last night we talked and she said this (highlights in the bullet points in the order of how she told me things below): - She likes me - She broke up with her boyfriend in January and officially stopped all communications with him 3 weeks ago - Established that she doesn't want a relationship right now - She likes me - First guy shes ever been on a date with (besides ex) - Said she is going to talk/do what she wants because shes single (expected) - I can talk to anyone that I want - But again she likes me So I'm stuck.. I am actually trying to start a relationship with her eventually, but she doesn't want one. But she kept telling me how much she liked me and how awesome I am. Would you continue talking to this girl in hopes for a relationship or should I just treat it like a friend zone situation and move on? Thanks!
aloneinaz Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Here's what you should do.. Back off some. Let her be the instigator of contact w/you. Let her suggest getting together to do something with you. She seems to be very upfront and honest about NOT wanting a relationship right now. That's very fair. So, you take this information, keep her as your plan B while you keep looking for other chicks to be your plan A. Once you meet plan A and start dating and you know it's going to lead to a R/S, you can let plan B know you've met someone great and are going to explore where it goes. Another way to view this is DON'T put all your eggs in one basket right now. Leave your options open. 1
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Would you continue talking to this girl in hopes for a relationship or should I just treat it like a friend zone situation and move on? Thanks! You can talk to her all you want but not in the hope for a relationship. Put your attention on other women and just keep her as a friend if it's possible for you. If it's impossible for you to concentrate on other women because of her than yes, cut contact and move on. Who knows maybe you'll reconnect down the road next year. Sure she likes you but she doesn't like-like you. She likes you around cause you give her attention and it makes her feel good after her break up. Nothing else. 1
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 If it were me and I liked this girl and she said all that stuff to me I'd back the hell off big time. I give her credit for being honest with you. If you can't play it cool with her and think you're going to start acting needy you definitely need to cut it off. If you can just keep her in the back of your mind and let her do more of the chasing it could eventually turn into something. Just don't push it. She's made her intentions clear. She likes you. Take that for what it's worth and know you're an option to her. Question: You slept in the same bed as her, did you try to bang her and she said no or did you act like a gentleman? If you're interested in a girl and sleep in a bed with her you should ALWAYS try to bang her. Even if she says no at least she knows you're not a pussy. 1
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Dump her.....she's not interested in a relationship....if she did she wouldn't be telling you all these excuses. She likes the attention, but she doesn't like you enough to want you as her BF. STOP wasting your time spending time with her. There is going to be a day when you find out she is shagging a guy she met at a party. 1
Author CasualDude10 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Question: You slept in the same bed as her, did you try to bang her and she said no or did you act like a gentleman? If you're interested in a girl and sleep in a bed with her you should ALWAYS try to bang her. Even if she says no at least she knows you're not a pussy. Slept with her 4 times, never had sex, but yes every time i have tried and she declined. We just kept kissing.
Author CasualDude10 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Dump her.....she's not interested in a relationship....if she did she wouldn't be telling you all these excuses. She likes the attention, but she doesn't like you enough to want you as her BF. STOP wasting your time spending time with her. There is going to be a day when you find out she is shagging a guy she met at a party. Thanks for your input. Her and I just met on the fourth of July which was 22days ago. I cant expect anyone to want a relationship after such a short period of time. If I just cut it off with her, then how am I to know if anything would've developed. I feel like its too early to completely cut it off but at the same time I feel like I should. It is just a tough situation
Jacob_Duluoz Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Get busy with your life and give her a little space. If she comes running after you you'll know and then tease her about a relationship until either she caves or gets tired of it. *shrug* 1
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 She's not friend-zoning you. She is telling you point blank that you are a rebound. She met you before she cut all contact with her EX. You are the crutch she's using to get over him. Armed with that info, what you do next is up to you. You can break up if you wanted a true emotional connection / relationship because she's no where near ready for that. You can keep doing whatever you have been doing without pressing her for a label or an emotional commitment. 1
Author CasualDude10 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 She's not friend-zoning you. She is telling you point blank that you are a rebound. She met you before she cut all contact with her EX. You are the crutch she's using to get over him. Armed with that info, what you do next is up to you. You can break up if you wanted a true emotional connection / relationship because she's no where near ready for that. You can keep doing whatever you have been doing without pressing her for a label or an emotional commitment. The point I believe that I failed to mention is that she said she talked and hung out with like 3 guys since, me being the first one she individually hung out with/dated/had feelings for. Which she said she loved. Do you think that technically is still me being a rebound?
MovingOnIsHard Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 The point I believe that I failed to mention is that she said she talked and hung out with like 3 guys since, me being the first one she individually hung out with/dated/had feelings for. Which she said she loved. Do you think that technically is still me being a rebound? Sounds like a rebound. She just stopped keeping in touch with her ex recently and saying she wants to be single. Although she is expressing that she likes you, she's not in the right head space to be dating seriously (or you) I think she likes having a warm body sleep next to her so she won't feel alone or lonely. 3
salparadise Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Thanks for your input. Her and I just met on the fourth of July which was 22days ago. I cant expect anyone to want a relationship after such a short period of time. If I just cut it off with her, then how am I to know if anything would've developed. I feel like its too early to completely cut it off but at the same time I feel like I should. It is just a tough situation I differ with the others and agree with you on this. Who knows what she really wants, if she knows what she wants or if she's saying exactly what she means. She could be posturing. Things can change from one day to the next. She's been out of the previous relationship six months, she says she likes you, you two are sleeping in the same bed and making out but she's been holding back on sex. Says she's not ready for another relationship––yet. Sounds like to me you're just an inch away from sex. I say go for it, and once it happens keep hitting' it every day if possible. Yea, sure she might not give it up, or she might give it up and still not want to call it a committed relationship, but if you want her you gotta keep trying because it's not going to happen if you don't. If guys bough into the "no always means no" BS, the species would be in danger of extinction. Sometimes it means, not yet, she's testing your perseverance, she wants you to chase some more, etc., etc. Women almost always say no before they say yes. It's they reconcile the need to remain virtuous... and still fulfill the biological imperative. I think you'd be an idiot to walk away now and leave her wide open for the next hard tail that happens along. The only thing is, and you already know this, I'm sure... don't go falling madly in love the first time you get laid. It sounds like to me she's doing the mating dance with you, and you need to dance too. The best shot you've got is right now. Bang her real good over and over and remain somewhat aloof emotionally and let her come to you. Then if it doesn't work out at least you gave it your best shot and got laid, which is far better than delivering her to someone else on a silver platter, wishing it had been you and never knowing what might have been. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 If guys bough into the "no always means no" BS, the species would be in danger of extinction. Sometimes it means, not yet, she's testing your perseverance, she wants you to chase some more, etc., etc. Women almost always say no before they say yes. It's they reconcile the need to remain virtuous... and still fulfill the biological imperative. . This reads as though you are advocating date rape, salparadise. I sincerely hope not because No ALWAYS means No. It may mean not right now & may later be converted into a yes but until there is an unequivocal yes, it's rape. That clarified, OP if you are OK with her getting attention from multiple men, keep doing what you are doing & trying to move whatever this is forward but if you want an exclusive, relationship defined as such with an emotional connection, that is more than she can give you at this time. 3
nouedis Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Don't be an idiot. Keep her as Plan B and make sure she gets on that Plan B before you dip off in your Plan B. c wut i did thur?? Seriously, though, man...don't think for one second this chick likes you like she says she does. She's busting your balls, ole'chap. Clearly she is. If a chick that likes you ever says, "I'll talk to whoever want because I'm single," then that's an automatic red freaking flag. Dude, that's rebound status and she's probably DTF. Don't even bother with this chick. She's not worth your time, energy, sweat, tears, money, words, so on and so forth. Please take notice to this. 1
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Slept with her 4 times, never had sex, but yes every time i have tried and she declined. We just kept kissing. You are her cuddle bi tch.....being a cuddle bi tch is the kiss of death.
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Slept with her 4 times, never had sex, but yes every time i have tried and she declined. We just kept kissing. Too much blue balls for my liking. I'd probably go light NC, let her initiate contact, and go from there. You're obviously the chaser right now. The only way you can reverse that is by not giving a ****. From your responses (she hung out with 3 guys but she only likes me) you're into her. My feeling is you become too needy and she friend zones you. I don't mind being a rebound dude, I get sex and don't have to take the girls motives too seriously.
salparadise Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 This reads as though you are advocating date rape, salparadise. I sincerely hope not because No ALWAYS means No. It may mean not right now & may later be converted into a yes but until there is an unequivocal yes, it's rape. Sorry d0nnivan, not taking this bait- stinky cheese. This girl is going to be banging somebody soon, and casualdude is in scoring position. So it might as well be him. Of course there's no guarantee as to how the game will turn out, but you can't win if you don't score. PS: don't be a cuddlebitch or a doormat. If you are getting laid soon, you need to change the game and shake things up.
Jame22 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Sure she likes you but she doesn't like-like you. Hey Arnold!
fitnessfan365 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Think about it logically. If she actually liked you as much as she claims, would she be pushing you towards other women? I agree w-the advice to back off. Let her initiate all contact for now. If she reaches out, make plans. Otherwise, focus on meeting other women that are fully into you. Settling for lukewarm interest in a potential rebound situation is never a good idea.
Author CasualDude10 Posted July 28, 2015 Author Posted July 28, 2015 Think about it logically. If she actually liked you as much as she claims, would she be pushing you towards other women? I agree w-the advice to back off. Let her initiate all contact for now. If she reaches out, make plans. Otherwise, focus on meeting other women that are fully into you. Settling for lukewarm interest in a potential rebound situation is never a good idea. My best bud and his girlfriend and the girl im talking about made plans to go up north this weekend. Not to my knowledge the told me/assumed I was going
salparadise Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 My best bud and his girlfriend and the girl im talking about made plans to go up north this weekend. Not to my knowledge the told me/assumed I was going Sorry the meaning of the second sentence isn't clear - did you mean they all assume you are going? Please explain the situation... hope things are about to work out for you now.
giblesp Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 (edited) Short story, we met on the fourth of July. We've hung out 10+ times since, once just me and her. Farthest we've gone is making out and sleeping in the same bed. Last night we talked and she said this (highlights in the bullet points in the order of how she told me things below): - She likes me - She broke up with her boyfriend in January and officially stopped all communications with him 3 weeks ago - Established that she doesn't want a relationship right now - She likes me - First guy shes ever been on a date with (besides ex) - Said she is going to talk/do what she wants because shes single (expected) - I can talk to anyone that I want - But again she likes me So I'm stuck.. I am actually trying to start a relationship with her eventually, but she doesn't want one. But she kept telling me how much she liked me and how awesome I am. Would you continue talking to this girl in hopes for a relationship or should I just treat it like a friend zone situation and move on? Thanks! She wants to explore her sexuality before commiting to someone else. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but she's decided that someone isn't you right now. If you continue to see her, hoping she will come around eventually, you might as well point a loaded gun at your own head. If you want something casual, you might have it on a plate. If you like sleeping with girls who are using you as an experience between relationships that is. However, it looks like you want a relationship with her. Only thing you can do is tell her this, and let her know that she should contact you if she ever changes her mind, ie wants you also. Then walk away, never contact her again and live your life fully. That's the only way. Edited July 29, 2015 by giblesp
Recommended Posts