NVO Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Could not find a thread that will help me, or others, with this issue. If there is, I'm sorry haha. I got dumped by my ex gf a few months ago and I am feeling ready to enter the dating game again. I had some serious self esteem issues due to our break up, but I have successfully battled most of these problems. The last step for me is to work on the flirting and dating itself. I am quite shy so slowly pushing myself out of my comfort zone is tough work. But I am trying as hard as I can and although progress is slow I am clearly making the progress I want. So, I met this girl at a festival. We did not talk that much, but since we have mutual friends I added her on Facebook the following day and we started small talk. This went on and off for a couple of days, with me trying to make some innocent and flirty comments. Eventually, I asked her for her number and she gave it to me. Hurray for me! We started texting that same day. Made some funny comments et cetera. But now it's time to ask her out. I guess I am, and maybe some other people out here too, looking for some motivational speeches of you guys. Since we have mutual friends, my biggest fear is that other friends will make fun of me when I get rejected. I do think she is interested, I could tell by the smiles she gave me at the festival and if she would not be interested why would she give me her number?
wb1988 Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 why would she give me her number? When you asked for her number that should have given her the hint that you're interested in her, and her giving it to you would be her giving you the hint that she might be interested as well. Either that or you are so friend-zoned that she didn't even think that exchanging numbers would have a romantic element to it.
mystikmind2005 Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 So you want some motivation? i can do that! it is better to believe in life, yourself, love and your partner and be surprised by failure than it is to live in fear of failure. Fear kills dreams, fear kills hope, fear will paralyze you and hold you back from doing the things you know you are capable of doing. The human spirit is powerful, it is hard to kill the human spirit. And the real challenge of personal growth comes when you get knocked down. Becoming stronger and better for it, to live life with passion, with drive, so what are you waiting for? go live your dreams! 1
Vintage79 Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Asking out someone you've been chatting with and have friends in common with is about as easy as it's ever going to be - either ask her out or plan to be forever single. I highly doubt your friends will say anything if you ask her out - treat her poorly, though, and you may have some issues... 1
todreaminblue Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 (edited) Rocky Balboa: Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that! I happen to love this quote for its versatility and the fact it involves many aspects of life......the fighter in me has this as a mantra...because i am not actually a hard hitter when i fight....im simply a stayer.....i keep getting back up no matter how hard i get hit.....literally....or in life in general .....been hit pretty hard...i tire out the opponent or trials and they give up before i do..... pertaining to you....dont be scared of taking a hit of rejection....just keep moving forward with what you want to ask either she will move forward with you or she wont...either way....be brave.....just existing and living your life doesnt give you opportunity and success..i think god sets up or weaves certain ideals, integral to an intricate plan to better our lives..we do all the grunt work....... you have to really want it first and you take it..so....take that opportunity and run with it.....deb Edited July 26, 2015 by todreaminblue 1
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 If you're unsure, ask her out, but do something very casual. Monitor her body language and see where the conversation goes. If you feel like it's going well at the end of the date try to kiss her. Generally when a girl gives you her number she's somewhat interested. So you already have that going for you. 1
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 What? your friends are 12 year olds??? Stop making excuses, and man up. Rejection is just part of life, so you better get used to it. If you fear it, it will ruin any opportunity you may have going out with a nice girl. Keep the date cheap and simple. Go out for an icecap at Starbucks of something along those lines....never ever try and impress...it's over kill and not necessary, just be yourself....can't be nervous.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Always take things @ face value. You asked for her number, and she gave it to you. This is universal code for - "Guy's interested, and woman's encouraging it". But it's up to you to make it happen. I do have one piece of advice though. With any woman who's number you get, don't feel like you need to text to work up to asking her out. Just cut right to the chase. This is what I do w-any woman who's number I get : 1) Send her a text so she has my number 2) When she responds - "Looking 4ward to getting together w-you" 3) When she responds - "Gotta run. But I'll call u 2nite to plan. When's good?" Then I give her a quick call, plan the date, and tell her I'll see her then. By using short calls to communicate, you avoid becoming a girl's text buddy. Plus, anything you say can be misinterpreted by text so it's better to do as little of it as possible IMO.
highseas Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 If you're over 30 and are a professional should you still keep your dates cheap and simple? Or will you be judged as "cheap" due to your station in life at that point?
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 These days it's not about "BEING cheap" it's to make the first meeting as comfortable and casual as possible. You are there to get to know one another regardless of what you do for a living or your financial status. A second date sure step it up a little......formal, expensive dinners that's when you know they are special...that's when you spend the money. If women expect a the full meal deal on a first date....they are interested in your wallet not you....get it? 1
highseas Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 smackie9 I agree with you there. It's just that I and possibly some of the other guys on here may feel some pressure to splurge a little bit on dates, especially if their dates know that they have the means. But in general I agree that it should be casual and simple. I think something with an active element (bowling or something) can build rapport. I personally don't like movie dates (you can't even talk and communicate! and the movie may suck). To the OP: Check out her Facebook and see what mutual interests you share and use those as clues to date ideas. If you fear rejection (everyone does), go for it anyway. I think mysticmind2005 put it well. There is nothing to lose but a little bit of your pride (if rejected), and everything to gain (happiness).
Author NVO Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Many thanks to you all. Some very valuable advice! I will ask her out, and if she rejects me that's fine. At least I put my ass on the frontline haha. 2
misspond Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 The worst thing you can do if you like someone is not ask. If she says no (she probably won't, you've connected and she gave it to you) then brush it off and smile at yourself in the mirror every day. If she says yes then, "yay!" and go have coffee and do something fun.
danmillar Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Many thanks to you all. Some very valuable advice! I will ask her out, and if she rejects me that's fine. At least I put my ass on the frontline haha. That's some true pimpage right there.
coryreply Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Many thanks to you all. Some very valuable advice! I will ask her out, and if she rejects me that's fine. At least I put my ass on the frontline haha. All the best! Let us know how it goes.
Author NVO Posted July 28, 2015 Author Posted July 28, 2015 All the best! Let us know how it goes. Well, I asked her and she turned me down I guess. Her reply was: "Well, I'm kinda busy so it's going to be hard to meet up." So, I'll take that as a no. But if actually feels pretty good that I put myself out of my comfort zone and asked her anyway. And guess what? I'm still standing haha! 4
martaldn Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Well, I asked her and she turned me down I guess. Her reply was: "Well, I'm kinda busy so it's going to be hard to meet up." So, I'll take that as a no. But if actually feels pretty good that I put myself out of my comfort zone and asked her anyway. And guess what? I'm still standing haha! that is a shame but at least now you know she is not interested. Time to move to the next one 2
Popsicle Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Not saying you will get rejected, but it's not that big of a deal to get rejected, especially by someone you barely know. It's much worse the more you get to know them so be careful of that. The earlier you find out the better. And yes, you'll never know unless you put your butt on the line, so do it. 1
Popsicle Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Well, I asked her and she turned me down I guess. Her reply was: "Well, I'm kinda busy so it's going to be hard to meet up." So, I'll take that as a no. But if actually feels pretty good that I put myself out of my comfort zone and asked her anyway. And guess what? I'm still standing haha! Ahh missed this post. Good for you that you were a man and did it. You can ask her again later, I think she just wants you to talk to her more first and build a connection. Women love that. If you just want to move on, I understand. Better luck next time, man.
Lansing Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 You are right in your assessment but at least you asked. Now you can move on and try with another girl and hopefully get a better answer. It is a process to build up your confidence. Believe it or not, even rejection helps to build confidence in a weird way as you realize rejection itself isn't that bad.
xcupid Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Well, I asked her and she turned me down I guess. Her reply was: "Well, I'm kinda busy so it's going to be hard to meet up." So, I'll take that as a no. But if actually feels pretty good that I put myself out of my comfort zone and asked her anyway. And guess what? I'm still standing haha! Get to know her better before trying again if you decide to ask her out again. It might be too soon for her to accept a date invitation from you until she gets to know you better. Good work on taking the initiative. 2
Author NVO Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 Ahh missed this post. Good for you that you were a man and did it. You can ask her again later, I think she just wants you to talk to her more first and build a connection. Women love that. If you just want to move on, I understand. Better luck next time, man. Haha, don't sweat it! Thank you. Maybe she does. She lives in the same city as me so I'll probably bump in to her a few times in the clubs here. Believe it or not, even rejection helps to build confidence in a weird way as you realize rejection itself isn't that bad. Haha, I realized the same thing when I was doing the dishes yesterday. I felt more confident, even when I was sort of rejected. Get to know her better before trying again if you decide to ask her out again. It might be too soon for her to accept a date invitation from you until she gets to know you better. Good work on taking the initiative. Thanks! I'll try to talk to her some more. Got to admit, feels kind of strange to contact her again after asking her out and she saying no. Or isn't it? 1
Popsicle Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Haha, don't sweat it! Thank you. Maybe she does. She lives in the same city as me so I'll probably bump in to her a few times in the clubs here. Haha, I realized the same thing when I was doing the dishes yesterday. I felt more confident, even when I was sort of rejected. Thanks! I'll try to talk to her some more. Got to admit, feels kind of strange to contact her again after asking her out and she saying no. Or isn't it? No because you're not contacting her again to ask her out right away. You're contacting her to chat with her, so be ready with topics. 1
Author NVO Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 No because you're not contacting her again to ask her out right away. You're contacting her to chat with her, so be ready with topics. Time to do some homework then. My ex also contacted me last night, nothing serious though. I received a picture of some company stating they were hiring people, I simply thanked her. Sometimes life is so strange, exes always coming around the corner when you are feeling better or moving on to other things. 1
mrldii Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 OP, she may have declined because she's feeling weird about you because you asked for her number (code for "I'm interested"), she gave you her number (code for "I'm interested, too"), and then you didn't call her and ask her out (code for "I've got a girlfriend", "I have no social skills", "I have no money", "I'm a player", etc.) If she broke the social code by giving you her phone number just to shoot you down, then she's simply a b*tch who's already proven she's a chain-yanker. Pep talk for the future? By not asking a girl out, you're not going out... ...so at least when you ask, you automatically up your odds by 50%!!! 1
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