Difficult situation here

[singular]

Hello - I was in a long-distance relationship for a little over a year. In that time, we had a nice first couple months just like a normal couple int he beginning.

There was definitely lying on her part about texting other guys. I called her out a couple times and just asked her to be honest, but she never did. Long story short about a year of living with that situation, not to mention her change of affection and emotion the last few months of the relationship made me think in the back of my head shes going to bail... well I was right. She said she wanted time/space. I was mad, but tried to keep it in. After that, I got a couple reactionary texts, but overall she wasn't the same person (initiating contact, returning calls etc). I decided NOT to meet with her during that time, as I don't think I could handle seeing her because I know she was on the outs and I couldn't handle seeing her at my upset state, so I left it it where its at now. That was about 2 months ago.

This last month I got fed up doing all the initiating and stopped contacting her all together.

 

So here I am a month later of nothing from her or me, and wondering what is best for me to do. This is a little more involved because she has 3 kids (not mine) ages 6, 5, 2 and I'm a single 'bachelor'. Although she was a push-over to her kids and stressed out single mom from the kids/job/life, I do miss her and the kids at times. Question is what do I do here?. I feel like I abandoned the kids in a sense, but also feel pushed out and away by her. Part of me wants to call and ask how they are doing, the other is upset with her for ending this essentially via a text saying space is needed. Any advice would be great as I'm really torn...

 

Also: I believe shes talking to someone else, maybe not quite as a relationship but something to keep her mind off this all ..... I know her all to well, and I know she cant be 'alone' unfort.

 

Thanks - Thomas

Edited July 26, 2015 by singular

[Kano]

I think you've done the best thing and need to try to continue down that path. You miss her which is understandable but by the sounds of things, that level of feeling isn't coming back from her. As harsh and horrible as that sounds.

 

Her kids are her responsibility ultimately and she is the one who will have to deal with difficult questions and consequences when they get older if she created too many unstable environments for them. Breaking up with kids involved only makes things harder but by the sounds of it - and I could be misreading this - it doesn't sound like you can't live without them. You miss them, which is normal, but at least they aren't your own flesh and blood which would make it ten times worse for you. I think continue doing as you are until you feel more emotionally in control of the situation and give her call to see how the kids are at a later date.

[singular]

Thanks - I guess I feel that if I don't contact her soon, it may look bad on my part, as I do care for the kids,and in a way we had a bond. Like if I call her 3 months from now, it's going to be like, so you took all this time, and now you are reaching out now to see how they are?... again I realize Im the one getting no reaction from her, but I feel like a terrible person not checking in on the kids.

[Kano]

If you feel strong enough to ask after the kids now without it then getting caught up into the relationship stuff, then pop in a call. Just make it clear from the beginning of the call that is why you are calling; that you hope they are doing well and her too but you don't want to get into the stuff between you two just now, not until you are more emotionally secure about it. You can only take on what you feel you can, if anything, getting in touch when you're not ready may have a bad effect on you and most importantly the kids who are the most important thing. Us adults can adapt to bad times, kids just soak it all up and it comes out later.

Edited July 26, 2015 by Kano