blueeyedblondie Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 There are two guys that are in my life at the moment. One is a friends with benefits, but as other people and I have realized it is way more than that. We are basically dating without the title or complications. We hangout every once in a while when our schedules allow us to do so. And most of the time we do have sex, but it isn't every time, nor is it expected. We have grown really close in the past couple of months, I have known him for over 10 years. We talk about everything, and get along super well. Even he has said that we are basically dating multiple times, so it's not in my head. He knows me really well, and when something is wrong and he can tell over text he will call me and talk to me about it, regardless if it's something else that is happening or if it is about my feelings for him. We aren't dating because I am not ready to get into a relationship after just recently getting out of a bad one, and he is scared it will end like his last relationship (she left him out of the blue and is now getting married). Also neither of us wants to lose our friendship that we have. We are also exclusive and not seeing other people or having sex with anyone else, and if we decided to see other people it would be the end of our "thing". The other guy is a really good friend of mine that I almost dated 2 years ago, and I love him to death but I don't know if it's as a friend or more, and he got drunk the other night and asked me out. He knows very well how I feel about relationships at the moment, and was okay with me saying no. But I know that if he remembers asking me, then he is upset about it. He doesn't know about the other guy because him and I were never exclusive, and I am single and don't need to share my personal business with him, especially if it's that and he would get jealous. I told him from the get go that I was going to be single for a while and was going to do whatever I wanted. So I don't think he needs to know the details, also there isn't much to tell. He knows me better than anyone and what I went through with my ex, and just how messed up it made me. So it threw me off when he asked me to be his girlfriend. Anyways, The first guy got a new job and is now working 7 days a week, and basically all day long. And he told me something is going to happen in two months that we might need to talk about, he refuses to tell me what it is. We also won't be seeing each other for a long time, so for now we are strictly friends. I told him about my friend asking me out and he told me to go for it, and I'm not sure if it's because he wants me to not be "lonely" or he just really thinks that he is right for me. He said he was rooting for me and just wants me to be happy. But he also sounded sad when he was telling me to go for it. At this point I just want to find someone new. Mostly because I can't be sure anything else will happen with the first guy. What should I do?
mystikmind2005 Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Seems to me like you and the first guy are already in a relationship but because of your fears you both like to pretend you are not. Fear kills dreams, fear kills hope, fear will paralyze you and hold you back from doing the things you know you are capable of doing. It is better to believe in life, yourself, love and your partner and be surprised by failure than it is to live in fear of failure.
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 SPEAK UP! If you are very interested in the first guy TELL HIM. This will open up a conversation that you will want to hear and need to hear. As for the second guy, stop stringing him along....you know in your heart you admire him more like a friend, not a BF. Just because he put an offer on the table doesn't mean you have to take it. Lay your cards out and see what he says before making a decision.
Author blueeyedblondie Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 But I think the conversation I need to have with Guy 1 is more along the lines of something that needs to happen in person, and with our schedules it doesn't seem very possible. He said it himself that we weren't going to see each other for a while. And even though it seems like we're in a relationship, we also aren't at the same time. And what if fear isn't the only thing holding him back? Honestly if he asked me today I would say yes. But I won't push him to do so.
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 But I think the conversation I need to have with Guy 1 is more along the lines of something that needs to happen in person, and with our schedules it doesn't seem very possible. He said it himself that we weren't going to see each other for a while. And even though it seems like we're in a relationship, we also aren't at the same time. And what if fear isn't the only thing holding him back? Honestly if he asked me today I would say yes. But I won't push him to do so. THIS :Fear kills dreams, fear kills hope, fear will paralyze you and hold you back from doing the things you know you are capable of doing. If you want this bad enough, an email will be more than enough to get your message across. If this scares him away, then he had no intention of being with you long term in the first place....waiting later will not make any difference.
Author blueeyedblondie Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 How would I even start? I don't want to just blantantly tell him that I want a relationship. I'm not one to just come out and say stuff.
mystikmind2005 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 How would I even start? I don't want to just blantantly tell him that I want a relationship. I'm not one to just come out and say stuff. You start by writing the email as a draft with no intention of sending it. With the security of knowing you will not send it, you can let lose, write from the heart, and you will be surprised what you will write! Once you have done that, then you can gather your thoughts and use it as a template to guide you writing the 'real' email. Hope this helps 1
Recommended Posts