Hannah-000 Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 So, I am in need of advise... Desperate need of advise! I have been with me boyfriend (or i suppose ex boyfriend now) for just over 4 years. 4 years of love and passion, and an amazing relationship. Not perfect, but amazing. We both strongly believe as we have discussed, that we will marry and have a family together, we are soul mates. I started a new job a little over a year ago, it started off great and my work and personal life balance was just right. He is a model and so has jobs on and off, so often he would be waiting for me to come home from work. About 4 months ago my job began to be more stressful and demanding of me, meaning I would be home later, stressed and generally a bit snappy. He did alot for me, he was there fore me when i would get home from work with dinner ready, to take that extra stress off me. This took its toll on the relationship as i was bringing home negative feelings towards work, and he would get the brunt of it. Don't get me wrong, it worked both ways and when he had a bad day i would get the brunt of it. Anyway, it got too much for him and he said that he wasnt happy any more. He left, quite brutally. No working things out, he just left. Now 3 months down the line after breaking up, we met up. It all came back for both of us and we both got tearful and saying how much we both loved and missed each other. At this point though, whilst we have been separated he planned to travel for his modelling and is moving away for 6 months. He has told me he wants to be with me, but he cant put 100% into a relationship when he is starting this new journey. I totally understand, and have been supportive. We have left it as we cant be together right now, but we want to be together at the end of this. We have agreed to keep talking and be honest about how we are feeling whilst he's away. Now, with 1 week left until he moves away, he seems really distant. I don't know if i'm reading into things too much, but i will message him and he wont reply sometimes until the next day. This is obviously distressing for me. He still tells me he loves me, but this is very confusing. We have planned to spend the day before he goes away together so i can give him his gift. But am I just clutching at straws here?
pidgeon1010 Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 You're broken up and not in relationship. Don't expect relationship type treatment. Basically you both have agreed to a "wait and see'" approach and although you have both expressed your love for each other, that doesn't mean he is obligated to respond to your messages within a specific time frame. You either go with the flow or tell him this is too hard for you and move on. Even if you decide to go with the flow, you should have no expectations that you two will ever get back together.
Gus Grimly Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 In my opinion, you're setting yourself up for failure. It's not gonna work out. He still has feelings for you but is avoiding becoming too attached because he knows the world is his oyster and doesn't want to be buckled down by commitment. Six months is a long time, much can happen between now and then. So there's that. Unless you both are fully committed to a long distance relationship, I wouldn't keep my hopes up. 1
feelinglost1 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 He is withdrawling. My best advise to you would be to distance yourself. Give him space and let him come to you. You have to emotionally be okay with whatever he gives you and you are not there yet. I know you both agreed that you hope to be together in the end but the truth is, that is giving you too much hope. You have to treat it like it is over because right now it is. It's so difficult but if you don't fill yourself with hope than you won't be waiting around for him. Fill your life with other things that make you happy and take your mind off it. I'd appreciate it if you read my post and perhaps shared your thoughts.
Author Hannah-000 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 He is withdrawling. My best advise to you would be to distance yourself. Give him space and let him come to you. You have to emotionally be okay with whatever he gives you and you are not there yet. I know you both agreed that you hope to be together in the end but the truth is, that is giving you too much hope. You have to treat it like it is over because right now it is. It's so difficult but if you don't fill yourself with hope than you won't be waiting around for him. Fill your life with other things that make you happy and take your mind off it. I'd appreciate it if you read my post and perhaps shared your thoughts. It's just so confusing, as he blows hot and cold with me. I will receive a sweet message saying how he loves me in a morning, and then i will contact him in the evening to catch up, and i will get ignored. I don't get it... how can you love someone but do that? I appreciate your comments, and i know you are right and I shouldn't fill myself with hope and expectations when we are not together. But its easier said than done 1
Author Hannah-000 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 In my opinion, you're setting yourself up for failure. It's not gonna work out. He still has feelings for you but is avoiding becoming too attached because he knows the world is his oyster and doesn't want to be buckled down by commitment. Six months is a long time, much can happen between now and then. So there's that. Unless you both are fully committed to a long distance relationship, I wouldn't keep my hopes up. Thanks for your comments. I do feel like I am setting myself up for failure. But every time i pull back he says something to make me have hope again. How do you suggest I go from here? thank you
feelinglost1 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 It is def easier said than done. I can tell you with guys though actions say more than words. Anyone can say they love you but their actions show it. So he's saying I love you but than ignoring you. Give him space. Exercise if you can! lol it really takes your mind off it. And you will be so tired and sleep better!
Poppyolive Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Sounds like he's got you hooked. He knows you're there, but has the freedom if something else pops up. It's a shjitty move on his part. Let me explain, he's got control over which way the relationship ends up. Knowing you will wait, not see anyone keeps you exactly where he wants you. Letting him free to travel, explore, maybe meet someone... My advice, is take a bit of control back, go radio silence. Don't reply. Fill your time & thoughts with something else, a new hobby, friends, family etc. Give him the space. If you were really the one for him he wouldn't place you on the back burner, remaining single for his trip. He would commit now and go long distance for his time away. Hes brushing hot and cold because he doesn't know what be wants. How about you, what do you want? Take it all back.into your hands.
Author Hannah-000 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 It is def easier said than done. I can tell you with guys though actions say more than words. Anyone can say they love you but their actions show it. So he's saying I love you but than ignoring you. Give him space. Exercise if you can! lol it really takes your mind off it. And you will be so tired and sleep better! I have mentioned to him before about how it's making me feel when he ignores me, and his response is always this... 'There's alot on my mind at the moment, the excitement of going away vs everything that is going on with us. I am spending my last day in this country with you, not my friends of family, does that not show you what you mean to me' Then he wins.. I just give in and accept how he's making me feel by ignoring me..
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 There is no such thing as a soulmate' and there is no such person as 'the one'. If this were so, we'd all be with the first love of our lives, for ever. Humans are neither monogamous, neither do they 'mate for life'. Why do you think a forum like this one exists? because of broken hearts and problem relationships. You need to cast out this 'soulmate/the one' ideology, because his behaviour is anything BUT indicative of a long-term dedication, commitment and lifelong promise. He's dangling you from a string. Read the No Contact Guide (linked in my signature) and learn (sadly, painfully) how to salvage your own heart and save yourself a whole lot of heartbreak.
Author Hannah-000 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Sounds like he's got you hooked. He knows you're there, but has the freedom if something else pops up. It's a shjitty move on his part. Let me explain, he's got control over which way the relationship ends up. Knowing you will wait, not see anyone keeps you exactly where he wants you. Letting him free to travel, explore, maybe meet someone... My advice, is take a bit of control back, go radio silence. Don't reply. Fill your time & thoughts with something else, a new hobby, friends, family etc. Give him the space. If you were really the one for him he wouldn't place you on the back burner, remaining single for his trip. He would commit now and go long distance for his time away. Hes brushing hot and cold because he doesn't know what be wants. How about you, what do you want? Take it all back.into your hands. He does have all of the control, you're right! How do i get some back? I want him to be as mad about me as I am for him! He wont let himself as he has said because it would just make it impossible to leave. He is keeping me at arms length and drawing me in every now and then it seems to keep me from giving up... How do you move on from who you think is 'the one', your soul mate?
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 He does have all of the control, you're right! How do i get some back? I want him to be as mad about me as I am for him! He wont let himself as he has said because it would just make it impossible to leave. He is keeping me at arms length and drawing me in every now and then it seems to keep me from giving up... How do you move on from who you think is 'the one', your soul mate? Read my post. Stick to the Guide. It works.
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